Do you like your siblings?

[Anonymous]

No. It makes me sad to think about. But honestly she’s crazy and we have nothing in common. I see her probably once a year. We fight a lot and she’s just incredibly difficult.

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling that cut off most of my family, it is sad but I have learned to accept it. To be honest, it was an exhausting and toxic relationship.

The other sibling I like, but seems a bit emotionally stunted, never married or had kids but does a lot to help care for my parents.

[Anonymous]

No. I think she's narcissistic and thrives on drama, and has a temper that forces everyone to walk on eggshells. Last time we took a vacation together, I spent the last two days hiding in my room pretending I didn't feel well. Swore I'd never do that again (it was 6 years ago).

I do the Eggshell Walk at family events to keep the peace, but have no interest in interacting with her more than necessary.

DH's sister, however, is awesome.

[Anonymous]

No. I moved across the country to and only have seen her at family wedding or funerals for the last 20 years. I think both of us are happier/more relaxed for it.

We were only 1 year apart in schools and it felt stifling. I think maybe with 3+ years in between it would have been better, but we’d still have nothing in common other than shared parentage.

Makes me sad, but you don’t get to pick your siblings. I only had one kid though, and I think maybe because I didn’t want that dynamic in my life again.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are best friends.

[Anonymous]

I really like my brother but I don’t like either of my parents (well one is gone but the other is planning to live forever it seems).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think I would like my sisters more if I WASN'T their sister. As casual friends they are ok. It's the family/sibling dynamics that mess things up

There is something to this. I don't dislike my siblings but we don't really have relationships. We barely see each other and are not really in each other's lives. We grew up in a screwed up home and have all dealt with the trauma of that in our own ways. It's easier to avoid each other than to try and negotiate all that shared trauma and dysfunction.

For instance my older sister was definitely parentified by my parents, and I know that was awful for her. But as a result she both (1) tries to order me around even though I'm an adult and don't want or need that, and (2) resents me for the ways our parents forced her to take care of me when we were young, which I understand, but was not my fault and actually led to me being neglected because my sister wasn't qualified to care for me. So I don't like being around her. But if she wasn't my sibling we wouldn't have those dynamics and I think it's possible we'd have complementary personalities.

But we are siblings.

[Anonymous]

One sibling: like them, like their spouse
Other sibling: like them, loathe their spouse
Other other sibling: would donate a kidney if they needed it or if somehow kidney would make them shut up

[Anonymous]

Sibling relationships are significant. You really ought not to compare them to other types of relationships, For better or worse, your siblings are your day ones. They are your longest relationship. They have been there through pain, joy, success and loss. It doesn't matter if you would be their friend if they weren't your sibling. Find a way to accept them, continue to love them and enjoy your relationship over decades.
-sister whose big brother suddenly died 2 weeks ago and, yes, he was a pain in the neck. I loved him and I miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I moved across the country to and only have seen her at family wedding or funerals for the last 20 years. I think both of us are happier/more relaxed for it.

We were only 1 year apart in schools and it felt stifling. I think maybe with 3+ years in between it would have been better, but we’d still have nothing in common other than shared parentage.

Makes me sad, but you don’t get to pick your siblings. I only had one kid though, and I think maybe because I didn’t want that dynamic in my life again.

Same, down to the having only one kid of my own.

[Anonymous]

No. I barely speak to my brother. We were quite close, but then one day I realized that he was never nice to me and in fact regarded me with something close to contempt, and that for years I had been putting all the work into the relationship. The fact that he was pretty openly mean to my spouse was the final straw. Now we only communicate when necessary, eg over care issues for our parents. It saddens me, but it is what it is. Some people are just not very nice.

[Anonymous]

I am very close with my sister. I speak with my brother maybe 1-2x a year and see him less than that, but that is largely due to his wife. I don’t particularly care to have a closer relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No

No. And I avoid them completely.

[Anonymous]

C'mon, OP, you knew what most DCUM folks would say. This website is overrun with dysfunctional women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think I would like my sisters more if I WASN'T their sister. As casual friends they are ok. It's the family/sibling dynamics that mess things up

There is something to this. I don't dislike my siblings but we don't really have relationships. We barely see each other and are not really in each other's lives. We grew up in a screwed up home and have all dealt with the trauma of that in our own ways. It's easier to avoid each other than to try and negotiate all that shared trauma and dysfunction.

For instance my older sister was definitely parentified by my parents, and I know that was awful for her. But as a result she both (1) tries to order me around even though I'm an adult and don't want or need that, and (2) resents me for the ways our parents forced her to take care of me when we were young, which I understand, but was not my fault and actually led to me being neglected because my sister wasn't qualified to care for me. So I don't like being around her. But if she wasn't my sibling we wouldn't have those dynamics and I think it's possible we'd have complementary personalities.

But we are siblings.

Interesting. I was parentified by single mother and my siblings are the resentful ones. Though they were neglected too because I was nine and we scavenged dinner. Though I don’t order them around. Everyone still comes to me to do everything, which bugs me to no end, and I’ve only just started to break the habit (and now they’re pissed).

But, my answer is no, we wouldn’t be friends. Not alike in any way and already estranged from one.