How do you teach kids to be moral, kind, and respectful when many successful people aren't?

[Anonymous]

I think modeling is important but not sufficient.

You need to help your kids develop a coherent philosophy of life, about what matters and why.

This can come from religion, great thinkers, and/or civic morality.

Without a compelling “why”, my experience is that kids tend not to apply values, no matter how often they’re modeled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to be about internal satisfaction. You get to feel clean. You know who you are. You regret less, fear less, don't have to worry that you'll be found out, or that you'll come face to face with someone you treated badly. A lot of people twist themselves into knots trying to integrate different sides of themselves, and it poisons them a little bit.

The reward of a life of integrity is not big, it's not showy, and most people won't even know that you have it. Peace is like that. What a rare and lovely thing to have.

This answer is too good for this thread. Thanks for posting, PP. it’s the only comment that resonates.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to redefine your definition of success. For example, Bill Gates is super rich, however he is an alleged child molester. Not a successful human being

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to be about internal satisfaction. You get to feel clean. You know who you are. You regret less, fear less, don't have to worry that you'll be found out, or that you'll come face to face with someone you treated badly. A lot of people twist themselves into knots trying to integrate different sides of themselves, and it poisons them a little bit.

The reward of a life of integrity is not big, it's not showy, and most people won't even know that you have it. Peace is like that. What a rare and lovely thing to have.

This answer is too good for this thread. Thanks for posting, PP. it’s the only comment that resonates.

Not a kind or respectful post to those who took the time to respond. If you are the OP I'm beginning to understand why you are challenged by this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has to be about internal satisfaction. You get to feel clean. You know who you are. You regret less, fear less, don't have to worry that you'll be found out, or that you'll come face to face with someone you treated badly. A lot of people twist themselves into knots trying to integrate different sides of themselves, and it poisons them a little bit.

The reward of a life of integrity is not big, it's not showy, and most people won't even know that you have it. Peace is like that. What a rare and lovely thing to have.

This answer is too good for this thread. Thanks for posting, PP. it’s the only comment that resonates.

So rude. I’m wondering if you have a problem being respectful and kind.

[Anonymous]

Keep them away from religion that will help.

[Anonymous]

I don’t expect anyone to be kind all the time. We are humans with emotions and can feel irrationally annoyed or dislike people or exclude people.

What I do expect is compassion and ethics. I lead with a sense of morality and justice, and both of my children seem to be quite principled so far.

It has zero to do with being a pushover or a softie. I don’t teach that at all! You have to be tough and thick skinned.

[Anonymous]

religious training, it reinforces what is taught in the home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how you can teach kids to be well behaved and good people when many powerful people aren't. Just look at the politicians we have. I also know many people who scream everyday at work and call people useless or the r word who managed to get promoted to director at Fortune 100 companies. Society doesn't value being respectful. I personally wish I was more of an aggressive a hole growing up to be honest

Children learn from parents

[Anonymous]

Teach kindness but also boundaries, how to stand up for yourself, not be a pushover, be assertive.

Don't compromise others,....but don't compromise yourself.

Respect others - but also respect yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that no one has commented that this is mostly innate. I think people who don't have a strong sense of morals can act good when that is what is expected in society for certain payoffs, and so I guess it does make it harder to raise these kids to stay in line. But I now believe the really good, moral people are simply born that way. I see this with my two kids. Same genetic pool, same upbringing environment, very different innate sense of right and wrong. And if I look closely, I could tell the difference from very early on, like about 12 months old. One gets the most satisfaction from being good. The other gets most satisfaction from benefitting themselves. The kids are in a school that really emphasizes good moral character so it will be an interesting experiment to see if the school can indeed affect the moral development of my second child. But as the mother, I can confidently say they were not born on the same footing.

[Anonymous]

You kind of have to teach things that go against American ideals. America is all about the individual and freedom. A collectivist mindset and putting other people first, curbing some of your freedoms to make other people comfortable… I think that’s important but not commonly taught or modeled here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep them away from religion that will help.

I just read this article about a Pentecostal pastor and his wife finally arrested after decades of abusing their children, some adopted. It was physical abuse, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. The examples were horrific about what they did to these children. What makes these particular people so evil?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that no one has commented that this is mostly innate. I think people who don't have a strong sense of morals can act good when that is what is expected in society for certain payoffs, and so I guess it does make it harder to raise these kids to stay in line. But I now believe the really good, moral people are simply born that way. I see this with my two kids. Same genetic pool, same upbringing environment, very different innate sense of right and wrong. And if I look closely, I could tell the difference from very early on, like about 12 months old. One gets the most satisfaction from being good. The other gets most satisfaction from benefitting themselves. The kids are in a school that really emphasizes good moral character so it will be an interesting experiment to see if the school can indeed affect the moral development of my second child. But as the mother, I can confidently say they were not born on the same footing.

+1 it is innate, even babies before 12 months can exhibit daily obvious loving kindness while others either learn it or are discouraged from it for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

If you look at a dictionary, "success" is not primarily defined as wealth and power. It is more about the accomplishment of an objective.

If "success" *means* wealth and power in your circles, then it will never comport with kindness and respect.

St. Paul said that those who desire to be rich fall into many snares and are pierced through with many sorrows. This is among many other cautions about desiring wealth and power.

You pretty much have to choose.