How to break an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Told her husband. Said my piece to her face. Got closure. Her husband divorced her.

Facts are facts. Nobody should feel bad about stating what someone did. Period. There is this weird cheater mentality of trying to make the betrayed—the victims- out to be bad for ratting them out. That’s Grade A gaslighting.

Do what YOU need to do for your own closure. Don’t worry about the outcome, e.g., what happens to her after you tell. Shut that book tight. It’s over. Move on with your fabulous life. Living well is the best revenge.

Transparency and honesty are always the best- even when painful. Don’t ever let a liar/cheat make you feel bad about exposing their deceit. Actions have consequences.

On the flip side I know someone who told the AP's spouse and they didn't care. That was way worse than if she hadn't spent the time and energy trying to take down the AP because it came to nothing. Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told her husband. Said my piece to her face. Got closure. Her husband divorced her.

Facts are facts. Nobody should feel bad about stating what someone did. Period. There is this weird cheater mentality of trying to make the betrayed—the victims- out to be bad for ratting them out. That’s Grade A gaslighting.

Do what YOU need to do for your own closure. Don’t worry about the outcome, e.g., what happens to her after you tell. Shut that book tight. It’s over. Move on with your fabulous life. Living well is the best revenge.

Transparency and honesty are always the best- even when painful. Don’t ever let a liar/cheat make you feel bad about exposing their deceit. Actions have consequences.

On the flip side I know someone who told the AP's spouse and they didn't care. That was way worse than if she hadn't spent the time and energy trying to take down the AP because it came to nothing. Let it go, OP.

You don’t tell the other betrayed spouse to “take down the AP”. You do it so that they have the truth. What they choose to do with that information is their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told her husband. Said my piece to her face. Got closure. Her husband divorced her.

Facts are facts. Nobody should feel bad about stating what someone did. Period. There is this weird cheater mentality of trying to make the betrayed—the victims- out to be bad for ratting them out. That’s Grade A gaslighting.

Do what YOU need to do for your own closure. Don’t worry about the outcome, e.g., what happens to her after you tell. Shut that book tight. It’s over. Move on with your fabulous life. Living well is the best revenge.

Transparency and honesty are always the best- even when painful. Don’t ever let a liar/cheat make you feel bad about exposing their deceit. Actions have consequences.

On the flip side I know someone who told the AP's spouse and they didn't care. That was way worse than if she hadn't spent the time and energy trying to take down the AP because it came to nothing. Let it go, OP.

You don’t tell the other betrayed spouse to “take down the AP”. You do it so that they have the truth. What they choose to do with that information is their business.

No OP is hoping to break hearts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad road to go down.

Act with dignity. For the sake of your children.

No good will come of what you want to do.

Wrong. Affairs need to be exposed. For the good of the family and society. It is sin and immorality operating under cover. If more people took a stand, maybe it would make cheaters think twice before acting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad road to go down.

Act with dignity. For the sake of your children.

No good will come of what you want to do.

Never, ever tell a betrayed spouse to "act with dignity" That is insulting and frankly a patriarchal trope to make betrayed wives keep their mouth shut to their husbands indiscretions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad road to go down.

Act with dignity. For the sake of your children.

No good will come of what you want to do.

Never, ever tell a betrayed spouse to "act with dignity" That is insulting and frankly a patriarchal trope to make betrayed wives keep their mouth shut to their husbands indiscretions.

Oh hush with your white woman feminism! Chasing after the AP to punish her is the epitome of patriarchy and has very little benefit to op and her kids and is a huge risk. Acting with dignity aka being an adult is the way to go.
No risk at all to op and the kids that way.

[Anonymous]

As per chump lady, affairs need to be exposed. Where OP does it, is upto her, but I wont judge her for feeling what she is feeling. Betrayal sucks the soul out of a person-signed, BTDT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As per chump lady, affairs need to be exposed. Where OP does it, is upto her, but I wont judge her for feeling what she is feeling. Betrayal sucks the soul out of a person-signed, BTDT

Frankly not a fan of chump lady. She's got one tune, and one tune only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As per chump lady, affairs need to be exposed. Where OP does it, is upto her, but I wont judge her for feeling what she is feeling. Betrayal sucks the soul out of a person-signed, BTDT

Frankly not a fan of chump lady. She's got one tune, and one tune only.

Her tune works well for betrayed spouses. Cheaters might have a different opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad road to go down.

Act with dignity. For the sake of your children.

No good will come of what you want to do.

Never, ever tell a betrayed spouse to "act with dignity" That is insulting and frankly a patriarchal trope to make betrayed wives keep their mouth shut to their husbands indiscretions.

No, your opinion and feelings are invalid. Don't presume to tell me what to do. I am right, you are completely wrong. It's always best to behave with dignity. Shame on you. Shame. Shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As per chump lady, affairs need to be exposed. Where OP does it, is upto her, but I wont judge her for feeling what she is feeling. Betrayal sucks the soul out of a person-signed, BTDT

Frankly not a fan of chump lady. She's got one tune, and one tune only.

And she's getting rich from singing that tune.

[Anonymous]

In this case go after ap per the original post could result in her husband losing his job which will impact op and the kids financially and moreso if ap claims sexual harassment by a superior and then paints op as harassing her as well.
It's better for op and ultimately the kids if she realizes that the AP did her a favor by taking her dirt bag husband off her hands.
I'm not a cheater but my dad did cheat and I'm grateful my mom didn't spend her time trying to break the AP and use my sadness over the divorce as a an excuse to soothe her ego

[Anonymous]

I get the fantasy of revenge, but the satisfaction won’t last. They may have broken laws since it was work related, but if you are divorcing it will impact alimony/ child support if he is unemployed. Looking back on my choices after my Ex-Wife’s affair, I should have left sooner, focused only on me and my kids and then looked for a better person to build a future together.

At your stage, it is easier said than done. If you are fighting comparisons, just know that no matter what the external optics are the AP wasn’t good enough for a public relationship and they invested in destroying a family instead of building one. That is not someone I want to be, so I could never compete with him secretly and he could never compete with me publicly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught him, feigned the I love you and I will change talk.

Therapy for 1 year and vasectomy to show he was also committed.

Divorce.

Having a new baby would mostly hurt him. That's 18 more years of working to support it, after splitting half their assets with OP. It would be the ultimate karma fit his cheating. Have fun with sleepless nights and diapers and a new 529 plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As per chump lady, affairs need to be exposed. Where OP does it, is upto her, but I wont judge her for feeling what she is feeling. Betrayal sucks the soul out of a person-signed, BTDT

Chump Lady is correct on the exposure part, but how, by whom and who to expose it to are situational. MarriageBuilders also says something similar. Affairs create a secret split in the identity of the unfaithful and until they are exposed the wayward spouse can never become an integrated person. I personally think the wayward should expose themselves with the betrayed spouse next to them to family and friends.