Anybody got a child whose intelligence did not seem to come from the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father. He is a twin and one of eight. Clearly a lot smarter than his twin, a bit smarter than rest of the siblings and a lot smarter than his parents, who were sadly pretty uneducated. (Much smarter than me too, which is just the way it is.)

He is an engineer. Couldn’t afford college, only completed correspondence courses and passed engineering exams (40 years ago). Introduced his department to the latest technologies at every stage of his career. Designed his own house (his twin built it) and got it permitted. Counts cards without thinking. (Like, can’t avoid it. It is so annoying.)

So yeah there are people like this…

Uneducated does not mean not smart

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My parents used to say that they didn't know who I got my intelligence from, or that they were given someone else's baby. My dad was shocked when I told him I got it from him.

He earned his GED 1/2 way through senior year of high school so he could go work in the rail yard. He didn't enjoy school, yet he is the smartest person I know. His memory and recollection of things he read or heard about stick with him forever. He has a deep understanding of concepts most people spend years studying. However, that's not the man most people acknowledge. They still see the class clown who would rather tell jokes than write a paper.

Intelligence comes in many forms, and getting into a certain caliber of institution is just one way to measure.

Oh, we all know the smartest in our families, and it does not necessarily correlate with prestige of undergrad institution.

Geniuses are often a maladjusted, somewhat non-conformist and lazy lot: I am convinced you will find more in flagships than truly elite schools.

My son is like this. He is not going to study Spanish if he does not like it, so HS was a struggle but he maxed put rigor in things he liked. He is in college at a state school where he makes more than 70k through different side hustles. Very high SAT and chess rating but B grades because homework submission is not a priority. He is a good networker and has landed great internships because he goes very deep into things he is interested in and some interviewers recognize that. My daughter keeps telling me to not worry about him but I do.

My DS too, IQ 150+ but the laziest (and I say this with kindness) person I've ever met because he does the least amount of effort to get by. But in T10 despite frustrating the heck out of many teachers and private school administrators, but his STEM teachers love him for his "inherent" (ie, zero studying) talent. I had him tested and he is ADHD inattentive but not on spectrum, just DOES NOT CARE. Maddening. We will see how next year goes...he is an audiodact at heart.

I also got my son recently tested (as in two weeks back) and his diagnosis is also the same, ADHD inattentive but not on the spectrum. He is at one to the top Calfornia public schools and seems to have found his people which is good. I can totally relate with the laziness and not caring. I think that only goes away when they find things they care about.

Isn’t that most people? People really focus when they find things they care about. It’s finding your thing that can be difficult.

ADHD inattentive is different. Many of them still have it when they are fully adult. Often their personal finance is a mess. I do worry about my DC's future a lot, not just their college life.

I am the only person in my family who doesn't have ADHD. Most people who aren't familiar with it don't understand the reverberations of having it, so seeing some of the comments here compels me to encourage the parents on this thread to dig deeper. Usually a kid with a late diagnosis has at least one parent who would get a diagnosis too.

It is extremely difficult neurologically for an ADHD person to focus on subjects that aren't interesting. Foreign languages tend to be a particularly tough category for ADHD and dyslexics (common to have both together). It is not laziness.

People with ADHD usually do not think linearly and can be incredibly intelligent, creative and innovative in thinking. Entrepreneurs often have ADHD. The downside is that executive function tasks, such as breaking projects into smaller components, can be overwhelming. While most people procrastinate, ADHD people take it to an art form. They can excel at "hyper focusing" when needed, so a natural process would be to do nothing on a project until the night before it is due and then stay up all night. (Often they can pull it off owing to their gifts but obviously not an optimal approach.)

These exec function skills can be taught proactively, and the sooner the better. You can hire a coach or can inquire about supports available at college.

You can help your kids develop the life skills to be successful, but they likely will need a little help to get there. Good luck.

Great explanation! It’s so damaging to label ppl with a neurological disorder as lazy. They are often putting in twice the effort as average folks.

[Anonymous]

My child is a genius and won't be heading to MIT. I'm not a genius and attended MIT. I worked my tail off and, in research, had good instincts.

The absolute smartest guy I met at MIT is super lazy. He'd bust the curve with less than 1 hour of studying in chemistry and nuclear engineering. Sadly, he could have changed nuclear power but had a fallout with his advisor and went to work in a union job with the NRC.

I think this thread is funny because it's obviously throwing shade at friends LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents used to say that they didn't know who I got my intelligence from, or that they were given someone else's baby. My dad was shocked when I told him I got it from him.

He earned his GED 1/2 way through senior year of high school so he could go work in the rail yard. He didn't enjoy school, yet he is the smartest person I know. His memory and recollection of things he read or heard about stick with him forever. He has a deep understanding of concepts most people spend years studying. However, that's not the man most people acknowledge. They still see the class clown who would rather tell jokes than write a paper.

Intelligence comes in many forms, and getting into a certain caliber of institution is just one way to measure.

Oh, we all know the smartest in our families, and it does not necessarily correlate with prestige of undergrad institution.

Geniuses are often a maladjusted, somewhat non-conformist and lazy lot: I am convinced you will find more in flagships than truly elite schools.

My son is like this. He is not going to study Spanish if he does not like it, so HS was a struggle but he maxed put rigor in things he liked. He is in college at a state school where he makes more than 70k through different side hustles. Very high SAT and chess rating but B grades because homework submission is not a priority. He is a good networker and has landed great internships because he goes very deep into things he is interested in and some interviewers recognize that. My daughter keeps telling me to not worry about him but I do.

My DS too, IQ 150+ but the laziest (and I say this with kindness) person I've ever met because he does the least amount of effort to get by. But in T10 despite frustrating the heck out of many teachers and private school administrators, but his STEM teachers love him for his "inherent" (ie, zero studying) talent. I had him tested and he is ADHD inattentive but not on spectrum, just DOES NOT CARE. Maddening. We will see how next year goes...he is an audiodact at heart.

I also got my son recently tested (as in two weeks back) and his diagnosis is also the same, ADHD inattentive but not on the spectrum. He is at one to the top Calfornia public schools and seems to have found his people which is good. I can totally relate with the laziness and not caring. I think that only goes away when they find things they care about.

Isn’t that most people? People really focus when they find things they care about. It’s finding your thing that can be difficult.

ADHD inattentive is different. Many of them still have it when they are fully adult. Often their personal finance is a mess. I do worry about my DC's future a lot, not just their college life.

I am the only person in my family who doesn't have ADHD. Most people who aren't familiar with it don't understand the reverberations of having it, so seeing some of the comments here compels me to encourage the parents on this thread to dig deeper. Usually a kid with a late diagnosis has at least one parent who would get a diagnosis too.

It is extremely difficult neurologically for an ADHD person to focus on subjects that aren't interesting. Foreign languages tend to be a particularly tough category for ADHD and dyslexics (common to have both together). It is not laziness.

People with ADHD usually do not think linearly and can be incredibly intelligent, creative and innovative in thinking. Entrepreneurs often have ADHD. The downside is that executive function tasks, such as breaking projects into smaller components, can be overwhelming. While most people procrastinate, ADHD people take it to an art form. They can excel at "hyper focusing" when needed, so a natural process would be to do nothing on a project until the night before it is due and then stay up all night. (Often they can pull it off owing to their gifts but obviously not an optimal approach.)

These exec function skills can be taught proactively, and the sooner the better. You can hire a coach or can inquire about supports available at college.

You can help your kids develop the life skills to be successful, but they likely will need a little help to get there. Good luck.

Thank you for this explanation. I frankly understand my son's actions much better - him not caring about language or not turning things in etc. I will do more research on exec function and try to help him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents used to say that they didn't know who I got my intelligence from, or that they were given someone else's baby. My dad was shocked when I told him I got it from him.

He earned his GED 1/2 way through senior year of high school so he could go work in the rail yard. He didn't enjoy school, yet he is the smartest person I know. His memory and recollection of things he read or heard about stick with him forever. He has a deep understanding of concepts most people spend years studying. However, that's not the man most people acknowledge. They still see the class clown who would rather tell jokes than write a paper.

Intelligence comes in many forms, and getting into a certain caliber of institution is just one way to measure.

Oh, we all know the smartest in our families, and it does not necessarily correlate with prestige of undergrad institution.

Geniuses are often a maladjusted, somewhat non-conformist and lazy lot: I am convinced you will find more in flagships than truly elite schools.

My son is like this. He is not going to study Spanish if he does not like it, so HS was a struggle but he maxed put rigor in things he liked. He is in college at a state school where he makes more than 70k through different side hustles. Very high SAT and chess rating but B grades because homework submission is not a priority. He is a good networker and has landed great internships because he goes very deep into things he is interested in and some interviewers recognize that. My daughter keeps telling me to not worry about him but I do.

My DS too, IQ 150+ but the laziest (and I say this with kindness) person I've ever met because he does the least amount of effort to get by. But in T10 despite frustrating the heck out of many teachers and private school administrators, but his STEM teachers love him for his "inherent" (ie, zero studying) talent. I had him tested and he is ADHD inattentive but not on spectrum, just DOES NOT CARE. Maddening. We will see how next year goes...he is an audiodact at heart.

I also got my son recently tested (as in two weeks back) and his diagnosis is also the same, ADHD inattentive but not on the spectrum. He is at one to the top Calfornia public schools and seems to have found his people which is good. I can totally relate with the laziness and not caring. I think that only goes away when they find things they care about.

Isn’t that most people? People really focus when they find things they care about. It’s finding your thing that can be difficult.

ADHD inattentive is different. Many of them still have it when they are fully adult. Often their personal finance is a mess. I do worry about my DC's future a lot, not just their college life.

I'm fairly certain I have inattentive ADHD; DS has been diagnosed, and we are very similar. Oddly, my personal finances are the only part of my life where I think I do better than most people. I don't have more money than most people, but I manage it. I'll never be DCUM rich because I could never perform in the workplace to a high level. It is beyond my ability. But I will never be in debt, either. My ADHD comes with a healthy dose of anxiety which forces me to keep my finances in check.

DS and I both have above-average IQs. IME, that data point is beyond useless.

[Anonymous]

My parents both came from working class families of average intelligence, but excellent work ethic. I did very well in school and career largely because of that work ethic. DH came from an UMC family of laid-back geniuses. Our DS was lucky enough to inherit the best traits from both sides: he is intellectually brilliant but also very driven and hard-working.

[Anonymous]

Lol, mine!!!

…or, as my mother likes to say, “These things tend to skip a generation, dear.” 😜

[Anonymous]

This is such a 20th Century NY white ethnic mentality. Traumatized adults who see children as little more than narcissistic extensions of their own insecurities. Educated just enough to care about education for all the wrong reasons. Yes, I came from a family like that, and the sooner your family moves beyond it, the better.

[Anonymous]

My child is a crazy gifted musician in music school now, and neither of us are musical.

[Anonymous]

YOU DO NOT CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN’S ACADEMIC OUTCOMES. YOUR CHILDREN’S ACHIEVEMENTS ARE NOT MEDALS THAT YOU GET TO WEAR.

Yes, bad environments will hold children back, but once a certain level of nurture is provided, it’s the child (and later the adult) who will be responsible for achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father. He is a twin and one of eight. Clearly a lot smarter than his twin, a bit smarter than rest of the siblings and a lot smarter than his parents, who were sadly pretty uneducated. (Much smarter than me too, which is just the way it is.)

He is an engineer. Couldn’t afford college, only completed correspondence courses and passed engineering exams (40 years ago). Introduced his department to the latest technologies at every stage of his career. Designed his own house (his twin built it) and got it permitted. Counts cards without thinking. (Like, can’t avoid it. It is so annoying.)

So yeah there are people like this…

Uneducated does not mean not smart

+1 Especially for previous generations when college education was not common for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father. He is a twin and one of eight. Clearly a lot smarter than his twin, a bit smarter than rest of the siblings and a lot smarter than his parents, who were sadly pretty uneducated. (Much smarter than me too, which is just the way it is.)

He is an engineer. Couldn’t afford college, only completed correspondence courses and passed engineering exams (40 years ago). Introduced his department to the latest technologies at every stage of his career. Designed his own house (his twin built it) and got it permitted. Counts cards without thinking. (Like, can’t avoid it. It is so annoying.)

So yeah there are people like this…

Uneducated does not mean not smart

+1 Especially for previous generations when college education was not common for most people.

My father was the first in his family to attend college and received multiple advanced degrees funded by the army. His parents were German immigrants and his father held blue collar positions due to lack of opportunity most likely. My father was fiercely intelligent and probably would have been a five star general in the Pentagon or a history scholar at Harvard if he didn't have to support four kids.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Came from me.

[Anonymous]

No, but our kid has great social skills and his parents are big nerds.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids has a razor-sharp wit and has us all in stitches. The rest of us are stodgy people. I have no idea where she gets her quick repartee from.