DH always grumpy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this is very helpful, and I appreciate the thoughtful responses and lack of snark. Especially appreciate the people who responded who are men. He is the breadwinner and I’m sure he does feel a lot of stress, and sometimes resentment because of it. I work part time, but also do everything with the kids and their school and our home, life, sports, groceries, meals, taxes, chores, laundry, etc.. so I do feel like we have a pretty good balance, but I also don’t understand the pressures of working.

I do think he probably has some anxiety or depression, but he does not want to get treated for it.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

That's honestly me as well. My gf doesn't give me much and I am a little irritated and a good sex session changes a lot of things. Same goes with her.

Np here and I could have written this post except we both work full time. He does some work for our family (drives carpoools) but meal planning and cleaning and organizing fall mainly on me. I had a severe medical problem in the fall partly induced by stress so I know something needs to change. It’s really hard when I’m under my own stress and being snapped at (and now the kids - 8 and 13 - are getting snappy too) to offer sex. I mean we still have sex but I don’t want to initiate much when I’m tired and grumped at. Tonight for the 3rd night in a row he came out, fixed himself a plate of food, and took it to our bedroom while I ate with the kids and cleaned up. The first night I think he was working but now I need to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like this. He was checked out. He had an affair. I left him. We're all better off divorced. My sons resent him though because they know I was doing all the work to keep it together for so long.

how do you know your sons resent him? or maybe that's what you are telling them so that they start hating it too. What happened between you two, please don't bring your hatred on kids.

My sons are adults. They do have a relationship with him. He did choose his AP over them when they were in HS.

PP, I think it is you who is resentful and your sons have nothing to do with this. pushing your feeling on kids is not only stupid but they would find it out soon about you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like this. He was checked out. He had an affair. I left him. We're all better off divorced. My sons resent him though because they know I was doing all the work to keep it together for so long.

how do you know your sons resent him? or maybe that's what you are telling them so that they start hating it too. What happened between you two, please don't bring your hatred on kids.

My sons are adults. They do have a relationship with him. He did choose his AP over them when they were in HS.

PP, I think it is you who is resentful and your sons have nothing to do with this. pushing your feeling on kids is not only stupid but they would find it out soon about you too.

I’m a different person, but just wanted to say I agree with the divorced lady. Her ex-husband chose to go off with his affair partner. The kids were in Highschool and it’s crazy to try to gaslight teenagers by denying what they see with their own eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this is very helpful, and I appreciate the thoughtful responses and lack of snark. Especially appreciate the people who responded who are men. He is the breadwinner and I’m sure he does feel a lot of stress, and sometimes resentment because of it. I work part time, but also do everything with the kids and their school and our home, life, sports, groceries, meals, taxes, chores, laundry, etc.. so I do feel like we have a pretty good balance, but I also don’t understand the pressures of working.

I do think he probably has some anxiety or depression, but he does not want to get treated for it.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

That's honestly me as well. My gf doesn't give me much and I am a little irritated and a good sex session changes a lot of things. Same goes with her.

How is this an acceptable excuse?!

Imagine if every time a wife didn’t feel like tackling the mental load, wipe down the counters, talk pleasantly at a meal, discuss homework with the kids, or wash underpants she said she wouldn’t do it unless her husband agreed to let her put something inside his body on demand.

The idea that women’s bodies exist separate from the rest of their existence as a male emotional regulation tool is absolute insanity.

I’m sorry, but the idea that you can’t be nice to me or participate in family life until I allow you to use me as a penis receptacle is the last straw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this is very helpful, and I appreciate the thoughtful responses and lack of snark. Especially appreciate the people who responded who are men. He is the breadwinner and I’m sure he does feel a lot of stress, and sometimes resentment because of it. I work part time, but also do everything with the kids and their school and our home, life, sports, groceries, meals, taxes, chores, laundry, etc.. so I do feel like we have a pretty good balance, but I also don’t understand the pressures of working.

I do think he probably has some anxiety or depression, but he does not want to get treated for it.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

That's honestly me as well. My gf doesn't give me much and I am a little irritated and a good sex session changes a lot of things. Same goes with her.

How is this an acceptable excuse?!

Imagine if every time a wife didn’t feel like tackling the mental load, wipe down the counters, talk pleasantly at a meal, discuss homework with the kids, or wash underpants she said she wouldn’t do it unless her husband agreed to let her put something inside his body on demand.

The idea that women’s bodies exist separate from the rest of their existence as a male emotional regulation tool is absolute insanity.

I’m sorry, but the idea that you can’t be nice to me or participate in family life until I allow you to use me as a penis receptacle is the last straw.

You sound divorced.

[Anonymous]

In the same boat. Agree about how most men show depression. I think this winter is really hitting a lot of us too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like this. He was checked out. He had an affair. I left him. We're all better off divorced. My sons resent him though because they know I was doing all the work to keep it together for so long.

how do you know your sons resent him? or maybe that's what you are telling them so that they start hating it too. What happened between you two, please don't bring your hatred on kids.

My sons are adults. They do have a relationship with him. He did choose his AP over them when they were in HS.

PP, I think it is you who is resentful and your sons have nothing to do with this. pushing your feeling on kids is not only stupid but they would find it out soon about you too.

Well you're wrong. I never cheated. And I have great relationship with my sons. I always have and I always will. You have some sort of anger against women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is always grumpy. The kids agree. We aren't scared of him or anything but the moodiness is getting OLD. He is late 40s. If he has to do chores, help with schoolwork, run errands, etc, it is always met with a baby tantrum, stomps or overall grumpiness. I do think he has ADHD, but not sure what else is going on. He has always been like this. I don't want a divorce but our house is so much calmer and well run when he is not home. Anyone overcome this and can give advice?

So why did you marry him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him?

He says “sorry I wasn’t trying to be angry”

So his response is to apologize? It could be A LOT worse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this is very helpful, and I appreciate the thoughtful responses and lack of snark. Especially appreciate the people who responded who are men. He is the breadwinner and I’m sure he does feel a lot of stress, and sometimes resentment because of it. I work part time, but also do everything with the kids and their school and our home, life, sports, groceries, meals, taxes, chores, laundry, etc.. so I do feel like we have a pretty good balance, but I also don’t understand the pressures of working.

I do think he probably has some anxiety or depression, but he does not want to get treated for it.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

My husbands grumpiness is VERY related to sex. If we have sex, it disappears for a few days. I know it's going to kick up a storm, but after 15 years together, i also just know it's true.

That's honestly me as well. My gf doesn't give me much and I am a little irritated and a good sex session changes a lot of things. Same goes with her.

How is this an acceptable excuse?!

Imagine if every time a wife didn’t feel like tackling the mental load, wipe down the counters, talk pleasantly at a meal, discuss homework with the kids, or wash underpants she said she wouldn’t do it unless her husband agreed to let her put something inside his body on demand.

The idea that women’s bodies exist separate from the rest of their existence as a male emotional regulation tool is absolute insanity.

I’m sorry, but the idea that you can’t be nice to me or participate in family life until I allow you to use me as a penis receptacle is the last straw.

You sound divorced.

If women don't like doing work at home then they can either get a job or get divorced. She is not helping him do the work at his job. She don't want sex then she shouldn't complain if he finds it elsewhere and then stay bitter for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him?

He says “sorry I wasn’t trying to be angry”

So his response is to apologize? It could be A LOT worse!

As a depressed man, he does sound depressed. Apologizing for others noticing I'm upset or suffering is spot on. If someone is asking why I'm angry or upset, means I've done a poor job at pretending. I hate myself, not my family. I'm trying not to take it out on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him?

He says “sorry I wasn’t trying to be angry”

So his response is to apologize? It could be A LOT worse!

As a depressed man, he does sound depressed. Apologizing for others noticing I'm upset or suffering is spot on. If someone is asking why I'm angry or upset, means I've done a poor job at pretending. I hate myself, not my family. I'm trying not to take it out on others.

Are you getting help? It's nice fair to just wallow in it.

[Anonymous]

Mine was like that, then he divorced me. It was like one day he just stopped caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like this. He was checked out. He had an affair. I left him. We're all better off divorced. My sons resent him though because they know I was doing all the work to keep it together for so long.

how do you know your sons resent him? or maybe that's what you are telling them so that they start hating it too. What happened between you two, please don't bring your hatred on kids.

My sons are adults. They do have a relationship with him. He did choose his AP over them when they were in HS.

PP, I think it is you who is resentful and your sons have nothing to do with this. pushing your feeling on kids is not only stupid but they would find it out soon about you too.

+1
One of my parents did this following their divorce.

It’s such a nightmare as a child to be dumped on about why your parents divorced.

Literally none of my business… as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him?

He says “sorry I wasn’t trying to be angry”

So his response is to apologize? It could be A LOT worse!

As a depressed man, he does sound depressed. Apologizing for others noticing I'm upset or suffering is spot on. If someone is asking why I'm angry or upset, means I've done a poor job at pretending. I hate myself, not my family. I'm trying not to take it out on others.

Are you getting help? It's nice fair to just wallow in it.

I tried for years to get help. It just didn't unfortunately.