How to respond anti-religion comments after you tell someone your kid goes to a religious school?

[Anonymous]

OP, cradle Catholic here and my parents and grandparents attended Catholics schools as did/do DC and husband’s family is the same.
I would have laughed at the comment- though delivery might have made a difference in this scenario.
If someone is rude about our choice, which has happened 2 or 3 times I use the same comment as above, ‘nice that we all have choices we are comfortable with’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that’s an anti-religion comment. It’s more about what a lot of Catholic schools were like.

My mom went to Catholic school in NYC in the 1950s and 60s. They were told, among other things, that if they bit the communion wafer, Christ’s blood would spurt out in their mouth.

She’s the first one who would say there was a huge amount of guilt.

If she was told that, it was by older kids teasing younger kids. The teachers would not risk that level of sacrilidge, especially if they were nuns, priests, brothers, or monks.

She told me it was from the nuns. This was a Catholic school in Queens in the 1960s. What can I say?

Please Google “Catholic guilt”… it’s a joke, it’s a thing.

Yeah … I know. Not sure why you think my posts suggest I don’t know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore it.

There are a lot of people who openly talk about their negative experiences at Catholic schools or their parents'. Sometimes I wonder if it's exaggerated. I'm sure most of it isn't but it's become folklore--the knuckle-rappimg nuns, etc.

People openly talk about being "recovering Catholics" too.

I would say nothing. Or ask what happened, let them tell you and move on.

Some of it might be exaggerated or a joke, but if it's not said in a joking manner, they probably mean it. As a cradle Catholic and a Catholic school alum, I'm not afraid to admit that many people have had bad, even traumatic experiences in Catholic schools or the Catholic Church. (Not that it's unique to Catholicism, but it was very real and very damaging.) If you are genuinely trying to be kind, then just say you're sorry that they had a bad experience. You don't actually have to justify your choice or convince them that the school your kids attend is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that’s an anti-religion comment. It’s more about what a lot of Catholic schools were like.

My mom went to Catholic school in NYC in the 1950s and 60s. They were told, among other things, that if they bit the communion wafer, Christ’s blood would spurt out in their mouth.

She’s the first one who would say there was a huge amount of guilt.

If she was told that, it was by older kids teasing younger kids. The teachers would not risk that level of sacrilidge, especially if they were nuns, priests, brothers, or monks.

She told me it was from the nuns. This was a Catholic school in Queens in the 1960s. What can I say?

Please Google “Catholic guilt”… it’s a joke, it’s a thing.

Yeah … I know. Not sure why you think my posts suggest I don’t know?

Because you are still posting like it was a rude insult instead of funny comment that all cradle catholics understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From an elderly person who may have had a bad experience decades ago i will treat it as the posters above. From a person my age who wants to start debating me on why MY religion specifically is a crock, I will end the conversation. Just nod my head and turn away and find someone else to talk to. These people would never dream of doing this to people of other faiths, it would be a monumental faux pas.

Riiight. It’s not like people are ever anti-Semitic or Islamophobic, right?

I’ve had multiple people tell me they were surprised to learn I’m Jewish because I don’t “seem greedy.” I had a Catholic neighbor tell me my ancestors killed Jesus. Someone drove a truck into my friend’s mosque during Friday prayers, trying to kill people. The notion that Catholics are somehow uniquely oppressed is so clueless that it would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

[Anonymous]

Most of us who have attended religious school resent the brainwashing and guilting and lies that were taught in school. The physical abuse also sticks with us. People are trying to warn you. So sit with the free advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an elderly person who may have had a bad experience decades ago i will treat it as the posters above. From a person my age who wants to start debating me on why MY religion specifically is a crock, I will end the conversation. Just nod my head and turn away and find someone else to talk to. These people would never dream of doing this to people of other faiths, it would be a monumental faux pas.

Riiight. It’s not like people are ever anti-Semitic or Islamophobic, right?

I’ve had multiple people tell me they were surprised to learn I’m Jewish because I don’t “seem greedy.” I had a Catholic neighbor tell me my ancestors killed Jesus. Someone drove a truck into my friend’s mosque during Friday prayers, trying to kill people. The notion that Catholics are somehow uniquely oppressed is so clueless that it would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

These are totally different situations because OP is talking about a Catholic person to a Catholic person.

Have you had a Jewish person say these things to you? Would it land differently? Ugh Jewish guilt my mother guilts me every day I don't call... would that be different?

[Anonymous]

Sexual abuse happens in religious schools and so people are leary of the creeps there. Just tell people you are oblivious what goes on and would rather look the other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexual abuse happens in religious schools and so people are leary of the creeps there. Just tell people you are oblivious what goes on and would rather look the other way.

Sexual abuse in public schools is estimated to be 100x that alleged in religious schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an elderly person who may have had a bad experience decades ago i will treat it as the posters above. From a person my age who wants to start debating me on why MY religion specifically is a crock, I will end the conversation. Just nod my head and turn away and find someone else to talk to. These people would never dream of doing this to people of other faiths, it would be a monumental faux pas.

Riiight. It’s not like people are ever anti-Semitic or Islamophobic, right?

I’ve had multiple people tell me they were surprised to learn I’m Jewish because I don’t “seem greedy.” I had a Catholic neighbor tell me my ancestors killed Jesus. Someone drove a truck into my friend’s mosque during Friday prayers, trying to kill people. The notion that Catholics are somehow uniquely oppressed is so clueless that it would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

Did you remind them that Jesus was Jewish and was killed Romans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to Catholic school. Most of the time, this is not a big deal when we tell someone. But sometimes people say the rudest things (in front of my kids). What is a truly kind way to respond? I’m not looking for something snippy, patronizing, etc. I am truly taken aback every time I encounter these comments.

For example, we have a neighbor who is ill and my oldest son and I took them a meal. We chatted a bit and it came up that my son goes to a Catholic school. The neighbor said, “I went to Catholic school as a girl and the only thing I learned was guilt.” I just kind of ignored this. Is there a gracious response? “I’m sorry you had a bad experience” and leave it at that?

You are a bit too sensitive. It is entirely possible that she had a bad experience in her Catholic school, but that doesn’t mean that all Catholic schools are bad. Wouldn’t take it personally. I went to a catholic school and had a great experience, but know of other cases that were not so great. So I wouldn’t pay much attention.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are reenforcing the perception that you isolate. What she said shouldn't have affected you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexual abuse happens in religious schools and so people are leary of the creeps there. Just tell people you are oblivious what goes on and would rather look the other way.

Sexual abuse in public schools is estimated to be 100x that alleged in religious schools.

On today’s episode of Made Up Statistics…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure that’s an anti-religion comment. It’s more about what a lot of Catholic schools were like.

My mom went to Catholic school in NYC in the 1950s and 60s. They were told, among other things, that if they bit the communion wafer, Christ’s blood would spurt out in their mouth.

She’s the first one who would say there was a huge amount of guilt.

If she was told that, it was by older kids teasing younger kids. The teachers would not risk that level of sacrilidge, especially if they were nuns, priests, brothers, or monks.

She told me it was from the nuns. This was a Catholic school in Queens in the 1960s. What can I say?

Please Google “Catholic guilt”… it’s a joke, it’s a thing.

Yeah … I know. Not sure why you think my posts suggest I don’t know?

Because you are still posting like it was a rude insult instead of funny comment that all cradle catholics understand.

Huh? No I wasn’t. I was talking about my mom’s experience and I explicitly said I didn’t think the comment OP experienced was anti-religious at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an elderly person who may have had a bad experience decades ago i will treat it as the posters above. From a person my age who wants to start debating me on why MY religion specifically is a crock, I will end the conversation. Just nod my head and turn away and find someone else to talk to. These people would never dream of doing this to people of other faiths, it would be a monumental faux pas.

Riiight. It’s not like people are ever anti-Semitic or Islamophobic, right?

I’ve had multiple people tell me they were surprised to learn I’m Jewish because I don’t “seem greedy.” I had a Catholic neighbor tell me my ancestors killed Jesus. Someone drove a truck into my friend’s mosque during Friday prayers, trying to kill people. The notion that Catholics are somehow uniquely oppressed is so clueless that it would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

Did you remind them that Jesus was Jewish and was killed Romans?

It was the official position of the Catholic Church until 1965 that the Jews killed Jesus. It isn’t unusual for Jews to hear people say it. Someone wrote it on my notebook when I was in 2nd grade in 1993.