Husband just decided he didn’t want a family anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another woman here in the same boat, but cannot imagine dating as the solution to the complete unwanted upheaval of my life.

I’ve searched for an explanation for why he did this, and have nothing. Apparently it is a thing. Over the past few months I’ve been quietly introduced to sisters and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in the same boat. There’s a lot of questioning (is he cheating on you? What did you do?!) that pushes us into silence, which makes it even more isolating. It’s also quite rare for the man to be the one to leave in a marriage of college-educated equals, which compounds the judgement.

You’re not alone.

Really? That's not true in our circle.
A whole lot of honestly spoiled, selfish, white collar navel-gazing middle aged men .

Same.

Lots of overeducated narc “men” with. Wife and children and money decide “they deserve more” doting and less nagging to do kid or property stuff.

So they take the passive aggressive approach : act like a-holes until the wife can’t take it anymore and she files for divorce.

Right until the end he opts out of all adult responsibilities.

So yes, he left the family and marriage first, but didn’t want to memorialize that by filing for divorce. Thats woman’s work. Plus then he can play the victim to his mother and anyone who will listen to his BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Troll

Most fathers do nothing fatherly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

How is you finding someone for sex in the best interests of your children?

Your friend is an idiot.

Are you?? Sex is a great form of self care. Having OP’s needs by just dating is the best thing for her kids. Her cup needs to be full to pour into her kids.

Agree that this is idiotic advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP.

Your husband could be having a mid-life crisis but it’s really a moot point if he actually forsake his family. 💔

I would take some time to heal your heart ➕ life before jumping into immediate dating.
You are very vulnerable right now and desperately need to deal with your grief over losing your husband.
Plus your child(ren) will need you to be strong & “there” for them during this difficult time as well.

I wish your family all the best.
Hugs 🤗

This is going to sound weird but I "recognize" you on DCUM due to the emojis and writing style and just wanted to say we have a bunch of "famous on DCUM" posters who are either nuts or mean, but you should be one for being b unfailingly kind.

Same reaction. I think it's the plus sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most women need a man, that’s hilarious. Believe me most women 45 plus don’t feel like they need a man at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP.

Your husband could be having a mid-life crisis but it’s really a moot point if he actually forsake his family. 💔

I would take some time to heal your heart ➕ life before jumping into immediate dating.
You are very vulnerable right now and desperately need to deal with your grief over losing your husband.
Plus your child(ren) will need you to be strong & “there” for them during this difficult time as well.

I wish your family all the best.
Hugs 🤗

This is going to sound weird but I "recognize" you on DCUM due to the emojis and writing style and just wanted to say we have a bunch of "famous on DCUM" posters who are either nuts or mean, but you should be one for being b unfailingly kind.

+10000 I wish I could be like PP or even just act like them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Troll

Most fathers do nothing fatherly.

That's an indictment of your friend/family circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP.

Your husband could be having a mid-life crisis but it’s really a moot point if he actually forsake his family. 💔

I would take some time to heal your heart ➕ life before jumping into immediate dating.
You are very vulnerable right now and desperately need to deal with your grief over losing your husband.
Plus your child(ren) will need you to be strong & “there” for them during this difficult time as well.

I wish your family all the best.
Hugs 🤗

This is going to sound weird but I "recognize" you on DCUM due to the emojis and writing style and just wanted to say we have a bunch of "famous on DCUM" posters who are either nuts or mean, but you should be one for being b unfailingly kind.

I recognize her too. She uses the ➕sign once in her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP.

Your husband could be having a mid-life crisis but it’s really a moot point if he actually forsake his family. 💔

I would take some time to heal your heart ➕ life before jumping into immediate dating.
You are very vulnerable right now and desperately need to deal with your grief over losing your husband.
Plus your child(ren) will need you to be strong & “there” for them during this difficult time as well.

I wish your family all the best.
Hugs 🤗

This is going to sound weird but I "recognize" you on DCUM due to the emojis and writing style and just wanted to say we have a bunch of "famous on DCUM" posters who are either nuts or mean, but you should be one for being b unfailingly kind.

+10000 I wish I could be like PP or even just act like them

Why can’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Troll

Most fathers do nothing fatherly.

I think you need to find a new group of friends. That has not been my experience. All the fathers except my exBIL including mine, DH’s, and all my close girlfriend’s husbands, were great dads. All DH’s friends have been there for their kids even if their marriages didn’t last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Troll

Most fathers do nothing fatherly.

I think you need to find a new group of friends. That has not been my experience. All the fathers except my exBIL including mine, DH’s, and all my close girlfriend’s husbands, were great dads. All DH’s friends have been there for their kids even if their marriages didn’t last.

My circle is half and half. What I see is that it just takes one dad slacking off or giving up in a social circle to give all the other dads permission to do the same. Add in cultural differences or other things and it can be hard to surround your kids with positive examples of fathers. I’m really grateful to the dads of my kids’ sports teammates for at least giving them a glimpse of how things should or could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another woman here in the same boat, but cannot imagine dating as the solution to the complete unwanted upheaval of my life.

I’ve searched for an explanation for why he did this, and have nothing. Apparently it is a thing. Over the past few months I’ve been quietly introduced to sisters and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in the same boat. There’s a lot of questioning (is he cheating on you? What did you do?!) that pushes us into silence, which makes it even more isolating. It’s also quite rare for the man to be the one to leave in a marriage of college-educated equals, which compounds the judgement.

You’re not alone.

Really? That's not true in our circle.
A whole lot of honestly spoiled, selfish, white collar navel-gazing middle aged men .

Same.

Lots of overeducated narc “men” with. Wife and children and money decide “they deserve more” doting and less nagging to do kid or property stuff.

So they take the passive aggressive approach : act like a-holes until the wife can’t take it anymore and she files for divorce.

Right until the end he opts out of all adult responsibilities.

So yes, he left the family and marriage first, but didn’t want to memorialize that by filing for divorce. Thats woman’s work. Plus then he can play the victim to his mother and anyone who will listen to his BS.

this is basically exactly what happened to me. It was horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another woman here in the same boat, but cannot imagine dating as the solution to the complete unwanted upheaval of my life.

I’ve searched for an explanation for why he did this, and have nothing. Apparently it is a thing. Over the past few months I’ve been quietly introduced to sisters and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in the same boat. There’s a lot of questioning (is he cheating on you? What did you do?!) that pushes us into silence, which makes it even more isolating. It’s also quite rare for the man to be the one to leave in a marriage of college-educated equals, which compounds the judgement.

You’re not alone.

Really? That's not true in our circle.
A whole lot of honestly spoiled, selfish, white collar navel-gazing middle aged men .

Same.

Lots of overeducated narc “men” with. Wife and children and money decide “they deserve more” doting and less nagging to do kid or property stuff.

So they take the passive aggressive approach : act like a-holes until the wife can’t take it anymore and she files for divorce.

Right until the end he opts out of all adult responsibilities.

So yes, he left the family and marriage first, but didn’t want to memorialize that by filing for divorce. Thats woman’s work. Plus then he can play the victim to his mother and anyone who will listen to his BS.

The under educated do this too. Men get bored and pine for better but don't want to do the work for better so they just do short flings. They stay till you've had enough. They are just pawns in their own lives. Poor babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another woman here in the same boat, but cannot imagine dating as the solution to the complete unwanted upheaval of my life.

I’ve searched for an explanation for why he did this, and have nothing. Apparently it is a thing. Over the past few months I’ve been quietly introduced to sisters and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in the same boat. There’s a lot of questioning (is he cheating on you? What did you do?!) that pushes us into silence, which makes it even more isolating. It’s also quite rare for the man to be the one to leave in a marriage of college-educated equals, which compounds the judgement.

You’re not alone.

I am sorry you feel judgment. I certainly do not judge women in this situation. Just think their husbands are aholes.

Same. I might wonder if there was cheating- usually it’s coming from a place where I think the man is an a-hole