15 y.o son--smart kid; hates school
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Anonymous
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I have a 15 yo DD freshman. She started on time in VA with an October birthday. Many are 15 in 9th grade. She also hates school.
My older son, recently graduated, hated school from K-12. So did DH and so did I. None of us needed therapy or medication. It’s a grind and there’s a lot that’s not enjoyable about school. Some people love going and others just don’t. Now, there were parts some of us liked. I liked my sports teams and so did my son. My daughter likes her friends and seeing them. I don’t think my husband liked anything about school. My son is going to college for a major he wants to do and a career he wants to go into. That is the motivation for him. He still doesn’t like classes and doesn’t have to but sees the endgame to get the degree and training. DH and I went to college for similar reasons. |
Anonymous
My mom tried this like on me and said that school would be the best time in my life and enjoy it before I had to work. The opposite was true. I loved it when school was over and work started. It was so much easier having a full time job, even a low paying one, and getting PAID. I don’t understand how parents tell kids school is there job when they are sitting there, all day, and then have HW and don’t get paid. |
Anonymous
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When my kids says this, I say "Okay, yeah, screw school. Let's take you out of it. We can just do homeschool and travel anywhere in the world. Where should we go to??" Then she gets scared and backtracks because one year we actually did that and she wasn't a fan. LOL. I hate school too though :/
I just make sure there's always a few really fun weekend things planned. Sometimes I take my kid to an all ages concert that she wants, or we have a trip somewhere, or we go to a professional sport game. Use that as motivation. "Finish all your hw so we can go to XYZ". Also talking to your kid about the content of their learning, the books they're reading etc. And integrating into relevant convos helps. It shows that what they're learning is useful. Also if you can talk about things adjacent to their learning subjects but that are more interesting to them. Show everything connects. My kids has a club they really like and that's a big motivator. Maybe encourage him to try some new extracurriculars or electives to see if there's something that really clicks with him. |
Anonymous
| And definitely YES with physical activity. All humans need, especially teens, especially people feeling down. Go for walk with him for 30-40mins after dinner at least. Send him to do errands for you by foot (eg pick up some more dish soap at Safeway). |
Anonymous
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Explore new interests and keep the communication going. If the conversations are not with you or another family member then consider putting him in therapy. Make sure he knows how much you love him and that you are tuned into getting help for whatever he needs. He could be going through the hormonal roller coaster of puberty.
I am seeing similar in my house too! Voice is cracking, emotions are all over the place, doesn’t want to do much else but stare at a screen…find fun moments, which can be as small as a walk and talk (or just listen to him) through your neighborhood like others suggested. Take care of yourself too. |
Anonymous
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I could have written this except we're not in a private. 15 yo freshman DS is not thrilled about school except he likes one class. He doesn't see the point of the grind and competition just to go to the next level of the grind and competition.
His career aspirations are all over the place and mostly based on earning potential, but it's still not quite enough motivation to be a star student. He's an introvert who has a few good friends but isn't engaged in extracurriculars at school, though has some hobbies he enjoys out of school. I was an introverted extrovert who prioritized extracurriculars but also wanted to do well enough at school to go to a certain tier of college. So I white-knuckled through the school day so I could thrive in my afterschool activities, and that, plus stellar SAT and AP scores, got me into a competitive college. He's very different, and it's so hard to figure out how to motivate him. So OP, all of that to say I hear you. This is definitely not an easy year for boys, in my experience. |
Anonymous
It's more than 40 hours a week. |
Anonymous
Alternatively, college isn’t for everyone. And the value of many college degrees is about to plummet due to AI. Too many of you are overly-fixated on college for your kids, when you should be more concerned about their future well-being and what’s best for them (it is not always college). |
Anonymous
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I just wanted to respond this from a PP:
“The problem has always been in DC that there's not much in between the private schools and the over-enrolled and under-staffed publics.” So I have a really happy 10th grader at Templeton Academy (private, lower cost) In downtown DC. I do think of it as being in the “in-between” mentioned above. The kids are conscientious but truly not competitive with each other. It’s a project based learning model (officially it’s called Gold Standard PBL) and they really emphasize working together, in groups, on things they find meaningful… my kid is right now doing algebra II project combing thru DC crime statistics. And his English class in his 2nd half of freshman year was about dystopian worlds. It’s cool and interesting. Kids are smart and engaged. It’s a micro-school, about 15 kids per grade and is by no means for everyone but just wanted folks to know it exists. (And, they always accept a few mid-year students. They are happy to welcome kids who are miserable and want to try a new way. 2nd semester starts Feb 2nd. Not too late to reach out to them, I asked this week.) And yes my kid is socially happy there. Has a group of like minded kids that cuts across grade levels. They get Taco Bell, and do fantasy football, just normal teen social stuff. |
Anonymous
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My son doesn't like schoolwork and doesn't see the point of it. He did poorly in some of his classes but then scored 1570 on his first SAT and 5s on all his APs.
What I see is a person who only does what pleases him and that doesn't fly in the workplace. This has panned out on his first job where he showed up late and demonstrated a lack of enthusiasm. It was a retail job he inherited from his sister when she left for college. He has basically said that whatever he does, it has to be something he went after. In an ideal world that would be great we don't live in an ideal world. There are times of grunt labor and certainly a junior intern will be given unexciting work. Am I right that it's discipline and grit that is lacking? I can't do anything about this attitude. It seems so entitled. |
Anonymous
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The smart-kid-who-hates-school thing is so hard. What you're describing sounds like it could have an executive function component — not a motivation problem, but the underlying planning and self-management skills that make school feel doable. Bright kids often mask it well until the workload catches up with them.
If you're looking at summer options, executive function coaching (not tutoring) made a real difference for kids I've seen in similar spots. Untapped Learning (untappedlearning.com) is worth a look. Hope he finds his footing. |
Anonymous
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All the kids I know hate school. I loved school, you know why? Because life at home was problematic, to say the least. Maybe the kids who hate school just have a great home life and are better-adjusted? School was where I went to feel normal, OP.
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