Travel tyrant friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a mom friend group where we started out with babies but now travel together. The leader of this travel friend group is so bossy and calls all the shots. She is opinionated and not flexible so the rest of us have to just follow everything she does. She picks the dates, location, activities, food. It used to be fun to escape and get a break but now i dread these trips with her. I like the other people in the friend group.

Would you continue to go to see the other friends?

No. Or go separately.

[Anonymous]

11:24 again. And in tweaking the experience, it isn't necessarily that your way is better - it's that a sense of empowerment is essential, important for happiness.

[Anonymous]

I often fall into the planner role and I have found that one of the best qualities to have in this role is apathy about certain things. The more you care about specific details, as the planner, the harder it is for you to just split the difference between al the varying needs and requests. And I think that's when people get controlling and start saying things like "well I'm booking the hotel so we're staying in the neighborhood I like even though everyone else wants something closer to downtown."

I find it just makes it easier. I just have no ego and go mainly with what the majority prefers. My main contributions are research (I will present options because I'm really good at scoping out dates, hotels, etc. and putting together options) and being very, very pragmatic (I always set a per person budget range I know works for everyone and I don't deviate from it no matter how appealing something is -- I do not want to put anyone in the situation of having to be the person saying "but.... I just can't afford that.").

Friend trips are different from family vacations or solo travel or even traveling with just one other person. You need to let go of the idea that you will get everything you want and always remind yourself it's about spending time with this particular group of people. I actually mostly try to plan somewhat basic trips where I either we are bringing all the fun (mountain cabin where we're making all our meals and just hanging out and playing games) or related to one major event everyone has committed to in advance (concert we've all already discussed traveling to see, and I'm just figuring out accommodations and maybe some restaurant reservations). I don't plan trips that are like "let's all go to New Orleans and check out the French Quarter and maybe to a spa day!" That's too meandering a trip for a friend group and I won't do it -- people will have too many different ideas about what they want to do and it's harder for everyone to have fun on that trip.