Worried about our daughter

[Anonymous]

She didn’t get into a “ selective high school” because she isn’t qualified

Meaning her grades now are who she is

You are trading way too much into this and have caused her to feel this way.

This is your fault

[Anonymous]

I cannot get past a family with a kid that is struggling to adjust to high school thinking that moving to college in Europe is a good idea. You need to really get a handle on how she is doing in 6-12 months. And start thinking about a US-based backup plan that you can afford.

[Anonymous]

It ain’t her fault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get past a family with a kid that is struggling to adjust to high school thinking that moving to college in Europe is a good idea. You need to really get a handle on how she is doing in 6-12 months. And start thinking about a US-based backup plan that you can afford.

Yes, OP is in LaLaLand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the advice. We are currently looking for a new tutor and encourage her to talk to her math teacher who seems like a very nice lady. She is planning on going to school in Europe since she has a citizenship in one of the countries but DH and I agree that grades are still extremely important. As for sports and clubs she has joined a couple the first few weeks but stopped going because she didn’t feel like it. She keeps saying she wants her old life back and I feel so bad because she can’t.

The bolded part is why you need to find her a counselor or therapist, at least to get through this initial period. It's true, she can't go back, but sounds like you guys have reached your limit of what context and strategies you can offer her to try to get through it, so turn it over to a professional. This transition is hard for so many freshmen, but that doesn't mean that getting help with it isn't important. And if money is an issue, have you asked the school what counseling services (and also what "transition services" (the transition from middle to high school)) they have for new students? Ask. Get some adults who are very familiar with these challenges to weigh in and maybe a couple to talk to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

While there is nothing wrong with getting a therapist, it’s also okay to learn that life can take a downturn and then you can put yourself right. High school is a big transition. Friends, expectations, classes, everything changes. Even if the same friend group was at the same school, everything could have changed anyway. She can handle change and every time she does it, she gains confidence. If a therapist can help with strategies, go for it.

Keep encouraging her to join activities. That’s the important thing besides grades.

[Anonymous]

Did you post about this right after the year started too? I remember an incredibly similar post with less information -- in particular, the part that she didn't get into a selective school (while, presumably, many of her friends did) explains (the earlier post) that she has some friends but not many at where she ended up despite being at her MS' feeder.

Are you in DC? I ask because most DCUM posters' kids would get into *a* selective school if they applied and most (all?) non-JR IB HSes are going to be full of kids who are really, really not educationally motivated. If she is getting Cs at a non-JR non-selective school in DC, you need to get the train on the track fast, because she will not be going to college in Europe.

If you're not in DC, then it might be a less alarming scenario HS-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you post about this right after the year started too? I remember an incredibly similar post with less information -- in particular, the part that she didn't get into a selective school (while, presumably, many of her friends did) explains (the earlier post) that she has some friends but not many at where she ended up despite being at her MS' feeder.

Are you in DC? I ask because most DCUM posters' kids would get into *a* selective school if they applied and most (all?) non-JR IB HSes are going to be full of kids who are really, really not educationally motivated. If she is getting Cs at a non-JR non-selective school in DC, you need to get the train on the track fast, because she will not be going to college in Europe.

If you're not in DC, then it might be a less alarming scenario HS-wise.

I did not post that but do you have the link to that post? It might have some helpful advice. Thanks!