how much would you spend...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about being cheap or lavish; it's the understanding that a couple is starting their life together and they deserve a nice foundation. I know not everyone thinks like me but when I have been given gifts, I was grateful for the people who DO think like me and feel the same way. Iquote]

Deserve? Why? Just because they are spending $X thousand on a wedding instead of furnishing their home and equipping their kitchen? The only people who "deserve a nice foundation" in my opinion are the ones who work for it.

And are you not grateful for the people who don't think like you (or don't have your cash flow) and only give you $50 for your wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I thought $75-$100 was the minimum gift, as well. I generally spend $100-$125 for close-ish friends and $150-$175 for close friends.

It's not about being cheap or lavish; it's the understanding that a couple is starting their life together and they deserve a nice foundation. I know not everyone thinks like me but when I have been given gifts, I was grateful for the people who DO think like me and feel the same way. I give gifts the way I would like to receive and even if the reciprocity doesn't equal out I feel better doing it my way.

I also always tip a minimum of 20% in restaurants and bars, and at the high end of other tipping etiquette charts.

I really think you should give what you can afford/feel comfortable giving. Many of my friends were just starting out in their careers when we got married so I got a lot of gifts in the $40-$50 range and these were from people that came to the very nice, "fancy" wedding. I was not in the least bit offended. If you don't know this person well and aren't even going to the wedding then I think sending them something off their registry in the $40-$65 range is perfectly acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really, who gives $50.00 anymore? I thought $100 was the minimum gift.

How much do you make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about being cheap or lavish; it's the understanding that a couple is starting their life together and they deserve a nice foundation. I know not everyone thinks like me but when I have been given gifts, I was grateful for the people who DO think like me and feel the same way. Iquote]

Deserve? Why? Just because they are spending $X thousand on a wedding instead of furnishing their home and equipping their kitchen? The only people who "deserve a nice foundation" in my opinion are the ones who work for it.

And are you not grateful for the people who don't think like you (or don't have your cash flow) and only give you $50 for your wedding?

I am the poster you quoted. Sorry, can't argue with you. If I feel like my friend's, intimate or more distant, deserve a nice foundation and you do not feel that way, we will never see eye to eye. I am certainly grateful for any gift that is given, regardless of the monetary amount.

[Anonymous]

15:56, different poster here, but even when I made $68K I gave more than $50.

[Anonymous]

when i got married, the only ones who gave more than $50 were either close friends or relatives. and that was perfectly wonderful to me.

you don't HAVE to give anything, for christsakes. people who implement these arbitrary minimums are really just looking for reasons to judge others for their... wait for it....
TACKINESS!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I saw a friend opening her wedding gifts. When she commented about how so and so only gave her $25, or how she thought it was odd that someone else gave her $100 cash (like he had just gone to an ATM and then put it in a card)....it really rubbed me the wrong way. I was worried she would criticize my gifts (and how much I spent) even though I was in the bridal party and had already spent at least $2000 on her wedding/shower/bachelorette party.

Spend what you want and what you're able to spend. $50 is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I thought $75-$100 was the minimum gift, as well. I generally spend $100-$125 for close-ish friends and $150-$175 for close friends.

It's not about being cheap or lavish; it's the understanding that a couple is starting their life together and they deserve a nice foundation. I know not everyone thinks like me but when I have been given gifts, I was grateful for the people who DO think like me and feel the same way. I give gifts the way I would like to receive and even if the reciprocity doesn't equal out I feel better doing it my way.

I also always tip a minimum of 20% in restaurants and bars, and at the high end of other tipping etiquette charts.

It's each according to his/her means. To judge intent based on a specific dollar figure is scary, and not fair.

I never said that I judge intent and some of the most meaningful gifts could cost <$5 but there is something behind it... Like a candy bar that sparks a memory, a Whoopee Cushion (probably isn't $5 anymore, though) for laughs, etc. Sometimes, I feel better giving more and this is usually the case at weddings. Secret Santa for the 2nd tier (3rd generation & 4th Generation) in my family has a $25 limit. We have to get inventive and usually it's a gag or just super simple. So you are right, judging based on dollar amount is not fair and I would never do that.

I just meant that even though I only give $50, it doesn't mean I don't think the couple deserve a nice beginning to marriage. It's what I can afford, and I give it with love and hope and happiness. I'd feel really badly if I thought my friends put me in some arbitrary category of caring about them because of the dollar amount of my gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, who gives $50.00 anymore? I thought $100 was the minimum gift.

How much do you make?

Um, HHI of 250k but when I was single and making about 80K (8 years ago) I would not have given less than $100. Once I was out of college, I always gave at least $100. For good friends I give least $200. I thought that etiquette was that you as the guest were supposed to cover the cost of your "plate" at the wedding.


BTW PP: I was about as far away from Bridezilla as one could be. We specifically asked people attending our wedding not to bring gifts. So up yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, who gives $50.00 anymore? I thought $100 was the minimum gift.

How much do you make?

Um, HHI of 250k but when I was single and making about 80K (8 years ago) I would not have given less than $100. Once I was out of college, I always gave at least $100. For good friends I give least $200. I thought that etiquette was that you as the guest were supposed to cover the cost of your "plate" at the wedding.

BTW PP: I was about as far away from Bridezilla as one could be. We specifically asked people attending our wedding not to bring gifts. So up yours.

Ew.

[Anonymous]

Such bullshit - the people citing "minimum" gift amounts are clueless snobs.

I got everything from nice picture frames (probably around $25) to very generous gifts. Everything was appreciated. There were times in my 20s when I was invited to 10 weddings per year, easy. I couldn't spend a minimum of $100 at each one, plus the hundreds of dollars it costs to travel to some and be a bridesmaid in some. I just didn't have the cash and I did the best I could.

The "starting a foundation" and really the idea of a registry to me seems a little outdated (though we did have a registry) - many of us getting married now are older and many of my friends had been living with their fiance and even purchased a house with them by the time they got married. It's very different than my parents who got married straight out of college at 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, who gives $50.00 anymore? I thought $100 was the minimum gift.

How much do you make?

Um, HHI of 250k but when I was single and making about 80K (8 years ago) I would not have given less than $100. Once I was out of college, I always gave at least $100. For good friends I give least $200. I thought that etiquette was that you as the guest were supposed to cover the cost of your "plate" at the wedding.


BTW PP: I was about as far away from Bridezilla as one could be. We specifically asked people attending our wedding not to bring gifts. So up yours.

LOL! Did you come up with that all by yourself! Good one!

[Anonymous]

Shoot, DH and I went to an out of state wedding this year and paid to fly there and stay in a hotel. It was hard enough deciding whether we could afford to even make it to the wedding (I was pregnant with #2) but we did... but seriously, we only brought them a nice card. That's it. We had Taco Bell for lunch the day of the wedding and I wore a dress I had from when I was pregnant with #1 that certainly wasn't weather-appropriate but I tried to make it work because I wasn't about to spend any more money.

We made it to the wedding, though... hope they don't hate us for only giving them a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, who gives $50.00 anymore? I thought $100 was the minimum gift.

How much do you make?

Um, HHI of 250k but when I was single and making about 80K (8 years ago) I would not have given less than $100. Once I was out of college, I always gave at least $100. For good friends I give least $200. I thought that etiquette was that you as the guest were supposed to cover the cost of your "plate" at the wedding.

BTW PP: I was about as far away from Bridezilla as one could be. We specifically asked people attending our wedding not to bring gifts. So up yours.

Ew.

Ew is right. And the OP is not costing the happy couple anything, she said she's not going to the wedding. a $50 gift is perfectly fine. Just make sure it is something they actually want. I got a bunch of expensive gifts that I didn't know what to do with because people didn't check the registry and thought I'd love that gold etched glass bowl. I was much happier with the cheaper gifts from friends who chose useful things or things from my registry.

[Anonymous]

$100. It has nothing to do with household income. I gave $100 when I was fresh out of college in the early 1990's and making less than $30K and I give at least that much now that our household income is well over 10 times as much.