What to do when teen breaks a “small” rule

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t sweat the iPad thing. Natural consequences for that.

I would be upset about high caffeine drinks. One cup of coffee is ok. But some of those drinks have 2-3x and can be dangerous, particularly for kids who might not be adult-sized.

[Anonymous]

You can have values and be disappointed without everything being about punishment and consequences.

Punishing her for drinking caffeine is inappropriate. Talk to her about health and why you don’t eat her drinking caffeine, discuss options, don’t buy it, etc but if she drinks something with caffeine, that isn’t punishment worthy.

If it’s your iPad then it’s fair that she doesn’t lend out your property. I would do a natural consequence, that she loses access to it or it can only be used in the family room or she doesn’t have the password and you have to log her in etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have an issue with loaning out the iPad. There doesn’t seem to be a reason for that, it’s expensive and you bought it.

As for the energy drinks, let it go. How many is she drinking? An Alani every now and then isn’t that bad. I buy them for my high schooler and she has one daily before school. It’s not great but they are one of the lower caffeine drinks and much less than the coffee I drink.

If you're drinking normal coffee or espresso, that is to say something not infused with extra caffeine, then you're wrong. The energy drinks have 200mg+ per can. Standard brewed coffee has under 100 mg per 8 oz.

Of course, you could be drinking 32 oz + in the morning, which would be a lot in many ways.

These drinks have WAY more caffeine than a cup of coffee. I'm OK with my kid having a Starbucks drink with caffein every now and again. Aulanis have 2x the amount of caffeine and kids think they taste good so they guzzle them. Buying them "daily" before school? I'm floored.

[Anonymous]

I think the most natural punishment for the iPad is for it to go away for some time until she is ready to follow your rules. As for the drinks, I think punishing her would just make her hide them better. Explain the dangers of drinking caffeinated drinks every day and show her alternatives like Diet Lemonade, Ollipop, Vitamin Water, etc. Most doctors recommend drinking 3 cups of water for every 1 cup of non-water. I am like you and don’t allow my daughters to buy sugary and caffeinated drinks at all but their dad loves coffee so if they are at their dad’s house he will buy them Starbucks if he goes to Starbucks. Another idea would be to tell her that you will buy her one sugary drink a month as long as you don’t find evidence of her buying and hiding.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want your 13-yr-old to drink energy drinks, you shouldn’t have them at the house and shouldn’t be drinking them either.

What matters more to me than obedience is the underlying value I am trying to pass on. For small things, I am ok with our kids dealing with natural consequences of their behavior. (We’re not buying these drinks anymore; if your friend damages your iPad, you’re living with the consequences.)