Dealing with Grandparents who are Clueless about College Admissions

[Anonymous]

Another annual post about grandparents mad their grandchild isn’t applying to an IVY.


Every December, like clockwork.

[Anonymous]

This is my MIL also! I have a sense of humor about it - she is mid 80s after all. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. I would have a good laugh with your other family members over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell DH what they said and ask him to explain the nuances to them and the reasons your DC applied ED to the ED school. Give them a chance to understand. Communication is key.

Then work on not caring what they think.

OP here. Of course I told DH what they said. He just said they are idiots and wrong about a lot of things. I don't think he cares what they think, but I am more of an empath and of course want my kid to be shielded from their grandparents' negativity.

Thankfully, most teenagers are old enough to not care what grandparents think. The age/generation gap is huge, and they’re a degree removed, emotionally, even when they see their grandparents regularly.

I think you know this is about you. I say that kindly, as a fellow empath/sometimes “pleaser” who tends to work very (too?) hard to be understood.

I’ve learned that my life is not a consensus experience. Nor are the lives of my kids, my DH or anyone else.

There will always be people who disagree or don’t understand. And that’s ok. Everyone’s entitled to have their own opinion, informed, uninformed or otherwise.

The only thing I can control is my own thoughts, choices, and behaviors - including how I react to other people.

It sounds like you you, your DC, and your DH are all very happy with your choices here. Ground yourself in that thought and let other people’s opinions roll off you.

PS. One of my mantras is, “Opinions are like belly buttons. Everyone has one.” Those opinions are only special or impactful if you choose to make them that way. So don’t.

OP here. Thank you for your kind response. Yes, this is about me really and my lack of control. I will adopt your mantra...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother told DS she will pay 100% of his tuition if he goes to Carnegie Mellon, her Alma mater. But ONLY there. Refusing to understand that it’s a different world since the 60s when she went. Plus, who knows if that is a school
DS will even want to apply to? Still a few years out. It’s unbelievably frustrating.

Engage in existentialist debate! Depending on when she went, "Carnegie Mellon" might not have existed yet, so is it really her alma mater?

"In 1967, with support from Paul Mellon, the Carnegie Institute of Technology merged with the Mellon Institute of Industrial Research to become Carnegie Mellon University. In 1973, Carnegie Mellon's coordinate women's college, the Margaret Morrison Carnegie College, merged its academic programs with the rest of the university."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnegie_Mellon_University

[Anonymous]

Grow up, OP. They’re in their 80s. Immigrants or not, they don’t understand. They had enough respect not to say anything in front of your kid. There’s no issue here. Who cares. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Yep, this is the way some immigrant communities think. My MIL for example, repeatedly says my DH got accepted to an Ivy college and became a physician/ professor all because of her and the way she raised him.

If my kids achieve anything less it will just be another way for her to claim her superior mothering. I don’t gaf at this point!

[Anonymous]

I don't want to defend the grandparents, but I assume they are aware that your DD does very well in school. They think excellent grades = ivy league. So they don't read college confidential and know that times have changed. Have your DH tell them to BE EXCITED wherever she ends up. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Are they likely to say something insensitive in front of your kid? If so, your husband definitely needs to have a talk with them. If not, well, who cares what they think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to defend the grandparents, but I assume they are aware that your DD does very well in school. They think excellent grades = ivy league. So they don't read college confidential and know that times have changed. Have your DH tell them to BE EXCITED wherever she ends up. Good luck.

I think a lot of people in other countries just know HYP.

[Anonymous]

just say oh yeah, good point! Then change the subject. People stop pressing when you give a little validation. Then redirect. Check out this book, app, piece of jewelry or something.

[Anonymous]

I reminded my father that colleges and college admissions has changed in the past 40 years, just like EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.