Why do grown women post photos of social events?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

DP. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous or left out when presented with a photo of people from your community having fun together. It need not be a particularly intense feeling and most people move on from it easily, but it's a normal and human response because humans are social creatures whose security is dependent on belonging in a community. A photo like that is likely to prompt a temporary (and primal) fear that the individual may not be securely part of the group. Most people will remember that, actually, they are securely part of the community via other means and move on. But that initial pang of jealousy or, more accurately, fear, is pretty common and normal. If someone cannot move on, it may be because they do not have secure belonging in a community, in which case their fear is real and understandable, not something to be criticized and derided.

The greater question is what compels people to post such photos to public feeds? I believe it is related to the same fear. People post these photos as a way of asserting their belonging in the community. They may be particularly compelled to post photos that show them in high status settings or with high status people, as a self-protective way of showing how embedded they are. In this case, posting the photo is actually done, on some level, to provoke jealous and fear from people who may be further from the inside, high status parts of the community. Thus the feeling of jealous/fear that many people feel when seeing these photos is actually the intended effect the poster hopes it to have.

Your choice of the words "miserable" and "pathetic" -- exclusionary words that emphasize the low and outsider status of the person to whom you are talking -- indicate that this is a behavior you participate in and that it is very much about asserting your belonging over that of others when you do so.

Too. Many. Words. Wut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like, a group of friends going out for drinks or at a party?
I admit I see these and get FOMO -- even if I'm not close with the people in the photo!
Is it to stoke envy? Assert a place in the social hierarchy? Just cluelessness or the authentic drive to share joy?

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/social%20media

social media
noun
plural in form but singular or plural in construction
: forms of electronic communication (such as websites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (such as videos)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like, a group of friends going out for drinks or at a party?
I admit I see these and get FOMO -- even if I'm not close with the people in the photo!
Is it to stoke envy? Assert a place in the social hierarchy? Just cluelessness or the authentic drive to share joy?

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/social%20media

social media
noun
plural in form but singular or plural in construction
: forms of electronic communication (such as websites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (such as videos)

Yet it's so dangerous we need to limit childrens' access to it or even outlaw it. Not just a simple means of electronic communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

DP. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous or left out when presented with a photo of people from your community having fun together. It need not be a particularly intense feeling and most people move on from it easily, but it's a normal and human response because humans are social creatures whose security is dependent on belonging in a community. A photo like that is likely to prompt a temporary (and primal) fear that the individual may not be securely part of the group. Most people will remember that, actually, they are securely part of the community via other means and move on. But that initial pang of jealousy or, more accurately, fear, is pretty common and normal. If someone cannot move on, it may be because they do not have secure belonging in a community, in which case their fear is real and understandable, not something to be criticized and derided.

The greater question is what compels people to post such photos to public feeds? I believe it is related to the same fear. People post these photos as a way of asserting their belonging in the community. They may be particularly compelled to post photos that show them in high status settings or with high status people, as a self-protective way of showing how embedded they are. In this case, posting the photo is actually done, on some level, to provoke jealous and fear from people who may be further from the inside, high status parts of the community. Thus the feeling of jealous/fear that many people feel when seeing these photos is actually the intended effect the poster hopes it to have.

Your choice of the words "miserable" and "pathetic" -- exclusionary words that emphasize the low and outsider status of the person to whom you are talking -- indicate that this is a behavior you participate in and that it is very much about asserting your belonging over that of others when you do so.

Oh boy, that is a whole lot of BS. I am not the one who posted this thread or wondering why other people socialize and feel the need to share they are having a good time. I don't share almost anything on facebook but if I see a collage of photos from one of my friends enjoying herself and having a good time, my first thought is NOT "what is wrong with her." Quite the opposite. I think, "hey, good for her. She looks happy." If you feel jealous and excluded, then you need to work on that. Work on being a better friend, colleague, person instead of expecting the world to be miserable WITH you.

I wasn't describing my personal experience. I'm explaining why it is common for people to feel left out or jealous when they see photos like this. Essentially I'm explaining why social media often has a negative impact on some people. And the people who are least socially connected are most vulnerable, because their exposure to social media is most likely to most accurately reflect their real experience of isolation and exclusion. It can also feel humiliating for them because it publicizes their outsider status. Without social media, people might vaguely be aware that one family is never included in neighborhood get togethers, or that some high school seniors aren't included in end of year parties. But with social media, the people who are on the fringes of groups or rarely or never included in social outings have a visual representation of their exclusion. It can be very painful and fear inducing.

Loneliness, isolation, and lacking a sense of belonging are some of the most critical mental health problems in our society. Many of the broader problems we have right now can be traced to people who feel this way.

So I am trying to encourage those of you who don't feel this way to be less defensive about how you use social media and instead think about why it might be very difficult or harmful for people who lack the social connectedness you enjoy. And rather than say derisively to someone in this position "you sound jealous" or "work on being a better friend," to consider that there may be small things we can all do to ease some of the negative impacts. For instance, instead of posting photos of an outing with friends to a social media account where it will be seen by many people who are not part of your inner circle of friends, you could instead simply text those photos to the friends who were there. That is what I do. I seek to make any public social media account I have inclusive and friendly, rather than contributing to a culture where I advertise my own social bonds in a way that could trigger people who lack similar bonds.

I would also look inward and ask yourself why you feel comfortable using the language you do to defend your own behavior, language that is clearly intended to make the recipient feel bad about their social position, lack of friends or familial connections, etc. Calling people miserable and jealous as an insult is strange because if someone is miserable, that is something to be concerned about, not thrown as an epithet. If someone is jealous of the social bonds other people have, they are likely lonely and in need of more society, and that should not be thrown at them as an insult. If you are fortunate enough to have life full of connection and inclusion, I do not understand why you would be hostile to someone who doesn't have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

DP. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous or left out when presented with a photo of people from your community having fun together. It need not be a particularly intense feeling and most people move on from it easily, but it's a normal and human response because humans are social creatures whose security is dependent on belonging in a community. A photo like that is likely to prompt a temporary (and primal) fear that the individual may not be securely part of the group. Most people will remember that, actually, they are securely part of the community via other means and move on. But that initial pang of jealousy or, more accurately, fear, is pretty common and normal. If someone cannot move on, it may be because they do not have secure belonging in a community, in which case their fear is real and understandable, not something to be criticized and derided.

The greater question is what compels people to post such photos to public feeds? I believe it is related to the same fear. People post these photos as a way of asserting their belonging in the community. They may be particularly compelled to post photos that show them in high status settings or with high status people, as a self-protective way of showing how embedded they are. In this case, posting the photo is actually done, on some level, to provoke jealous and fear from people who may be further from the inside, high status parts of the community. Thus the feeling of jealous/fear that many people feel when seeing these photos is actually the intended effect the poster hopes it to have.

Your choice of the words "miserable" and "pathetic" -- exclusionary words that emphasize the low and outsider status of the person to whom you are talking -- indicate that this is a behavior you participate in and that it is very much about asserting your belonging over that of others when you do so.

Too. Many. Words. Wut.

Some ideas require explanation. This is a serious conversation, there is some nuance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

No normal people still do this. You're in a class of your own.

Who decided they are not normal? Where did I say i do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

DP. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous or left out when presented with a photo of people from your community having fun together. It need not be a particularly intense feeling and most people move on from it easily, but it's a normal and human response because humans are social creatures whose security is dependent on belonging in a community. A photo like that is likely to prompt a temporary (and primal) fear that the individual may not be securely part of the group. Most people will remember that, actually, they are securely part of the community via other means and move on. But that initial pang of jealousy or, more accurately, fear, is pretty common and normal. If someone cannot move on, it may be because they do not have secure belonging in a community, in which case their fear is real and understandable, not something to be criticized and derided.

The greater question is what compels people to post such photos to public feeds? I believe it is related to the same fear. People post these photos as a way of asserting their belonging in the community. They may be particularly compelled to post photos that show them in high status settings or with high status people, as a self-protective way of showing how embedded they are. In this case, posting the photo is actually done, on some level, to provoke jealous and fear from people who may be further from the inside, high status parts of the community. Thus the feeling of jealous/fear that many people feel when seeing these photos is actually the intended effect the poster hopes it to have.

Your choice of the words "miserable" and "pathetic" -- exclusionary words that emphasize the low and outsider status of the person to whom you are talking -- indicate that this is a behavior you participate in and that it is very much about asserting your belonging over that of others when you do so.

Oh boy, that is a whole lot of BS. I am not the one who posted this thread or wondering why other people socialize and feel the need to share they are having a good time. I don't share almost anything on facebook but if I see a collage of photos from one of my friends enjoying herself and having a good time, my first thought is NOT "what is wrong with her." Quite the opposite. I think, "hey, good for her. She looks happy." If you feel jealous and excluded, then you need to work on that. Work on being a better friend, colleague, person instead of expecting the world to be miserable WITH you.

I wasn't describing my personal experience. I'm explaining why it is common for people to feel left out or jealous when they see photos like this. Essentially I'm explaining why social media often has a negative impact on some people. And the people who are least socially connected are most vulnerable, because their exposure to social media is most likely to most accurately reflect their real experience of isolation and exclusion. It can also feel humiliating for them because it publicizes their outsider status. Without social media, people might vaguely be aware that one family is never included in neighborhood get togethers, or that some high school seniors aren't included in end of year parties. But with social media, the people who are on the fringes of groups or rarely or never included in social outings have a visual representation of their exclusion. It can be very painful and fear inducing.

Loneliness, isolation, and lacking a sense of belonging are some of the most critical mental health problems in our society. Many of the broader problems we have right now can be traced to people who feel this way.

So I am trying to encourage those of you who don't feel this way to be less defensive about how you use social media and instead think about why it might be very difficult or harmful for people who lack the social connectedness you enjoy. And rather than say derisively to someone in this position "you sound jealous" or "work on being a better friend," to consider that there may be small things we can all do to ease some of the negative impacts. For instance, instead of posting photos of an outing with friends to a social media account where it will be seen by many people who are not part of your inner circle of friends, you could instead simply text those photos to the friends who were there. That is what I do. I seek to make any public social media account I have inclusive and friendly, rather than contributing to a culture where I advertise my own social bonds in a way that could trigger people who lack similar bonds.

I would also look inward and ask yourself why you feel comfortable using the language you do to defend your own behavior, language that is clearly intended to make the recipient feel bad about their social position, lack of friends or familial connections, etc. Calling people miserable and jealous as an insult is strange because if someone is miserable, that is something to be concerned about, not thrown as an epithet. If someone is jealous of the social bonds other people have, they are likely lonely and in need of more society, and that should not be thrown at them as an insult. If you are fortunate enough to have life full of connection and inclusion, I do not understand why you would be hostile to someone who doesn't have that.

Why should i read your diatribe when you clearly didn't read mine? I dont need to look inward but clearly you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

No normal people still do this. You're in a class of your own.

Who decided they are not normal? Where did I say i do it?

Knowing what we know now, how can anyone defend social media?

[Anonymous]

Only one of my friends still does this. The rest of us have moved on. We’re late 40s. How l’d are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Oops l mean how old

[Anonymous]

It's a circle jerk of vacuous likes. I don't see the posts, but if I were to see you all thirsty for attention posting about going to some crap restaurant or a "vaca" when I can go to Italy and have real dining experiences, I just feel bad for you.

The first page poster nailed it-- it's pathetic. Looking for the attention and second, what you define as "fancy" or a "vacation". Ok, Olive Garden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

No normal people still do this. You're in a class of your own.

Who decided they are not normal? Where did I say i do it?

Knowing what we know now, how can anyone defend social media?

What is it you think you know? And I'm not defending social media. I'm just so over miserable women shitting on other women, whether it is for their posts on social media, how they dress, how they talk, what color they wear on their nails. This is a post made by a women, I'm certain of it, for the sole purpose of being nasty. Did social media cause women to be jelous and nasty to each other? I think not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

DP. It is perfectly normal to feel jealous or left out when presented with a photo of people from your community having fun together. It need not be a particularly intense feeling and most people move on from it easily, but it's a normal and human response because humans are social creatures whose security is dependent on belonging in a community. A photo like that is likely to prompt a temporary (and primal) fear that the individual may not be securely part of the group. Most people will remember that, actually, they are securely part of the community via other means and move on. But that initial pang of jealousy or, more accurately, fear, is pretty common and normal. If someone cannot move on, it may be because they do not have secure belonging in a community, in which case their fear is real and understandable, not something to be criticized and derided.

The greater question is what compels people to post such photos to public feeds? I believe it is related to the same fear. People post these photos as a way of asserting their belonging in the community. They may be particularly compelled to post photos that show them in high status settings or with high status people, as a self-protective way of showing how embedded they are. In this case, posting the photo is actually done, on some level, to provoke jealous and fear from people who may be further from the inside, high status parts of the community. Thus the feeling of jealous/fear that many people feel when seeing these photos is actually the intended effect the poster hopes it to have.

Your choice of the words "miserable" and "pathetic" -- exclusionary words that emphasize the low and outsider status of the person to whom you are talking -- indicate that this is a behavior you participate in and that it is very much about asserting your belonging over that of others when you do so.

Oh boy, that is a whole lot of BS. I am not the one who posted this thread or wondering why other people socialize and feel the need to share they are having a good time. I don't share almost anything on facebook but if I see a collage of photos from one of my friends enjoying herself and having a good time, my first thought is NOT "what is wrong with her." Quite the opposite. I think, "hey, good for her. She looks happy." If you feel jealous and excluded, then you need to work on that. Work on being a better friend, colleague, person instead of expecting the world to be miserable WITH you.

I wasn't describing my personal experience. I'm explaining why it is common for people to feel left out or jealous when they see photos like this. Essentially I'm explaining why social media often has a negative impact on some people. And the people who are least socially connected are most vulnerable, because their exposure to social media is most likely to most accurately reflect their real experience of isolation and exclusion. It can also feel humiliating for them because it publicizes their outsider status. Without social media, people might vaguely be aware that one family is never included in neighborhood get togethers, or that some high school seniors aren't included in end of year parties. But with social media, the people who are on the fringes of groups or rarely or never included in social outings have a visual representation of their exclusion. It can be very painful and fear inducing.

Loneliness, isolation, and lacking a sense of belonging are some of the most critical mental health problems in our society. Many of the broader problems we have right now can be traced to people who feel this way.

So I am trying to encourage those of you who don't feel this way to be less defensive about how you use social media and instead think about why it might be very difficult or harmful for people who lack the social connectedness you enjoy. And rather than say derisively to someone in this position "you sound jealous" or "work on being a better friend," to consider that there may be small things we can all do to ease some of the negative impacts. For instance, instead of posting photos of an outing with friends to a social media account where it will be seen by many people who are not part of your inner circle of friends, you could instead simply text those photos to the friends who were there. That is what I do. I seek to make any public social media account I have inclusive and friendly, rather than contributing to a culture where I advertise my own social bonds in a way that could trigger people who lack similar bonds.

I would also look inward and ask yourself why you feel comfortable using the language you do to defend your own behavior, language that is clearly intended to make the recipient feel bad about their social position, lack of friends or familial connections, etc. Calling people miserable and jealous as an insult is strange because if someone is miserable, that is something to be concerned about, not thrown as an epithet. If someone is jealous of the social bonds other people have, they are likely lonely and in need of more society, and that should not be thrown at them as an insult. If you are fortunate enough to have life full of connection and inclusion, I do not understand why you would be hostile to someone who doesn't have that.

Why should i read your diatribe when you clearly didn't read mine? I dont need to look inward but clearly you do.

I did read your post. What I wrote is not a diatribe, these are thoughts I've arrived at after a lot of introspection. I am trying to explain why social media posts like this can be so triggering for some people, and encourage empathy for people who are struggling. Especially this time of year when loneliness can be particularly acute.

Loneliness and isolation are social problems we should all be seeking to ease. It doesn't benefit anyone to emphasize the fact that some people are on the fringes or outside social groups, and it can be VERY damaging for those people. Who deserve empathy and kindness.

Please consider there are people in you social media networks who you may not know well enough to spend time with socially, or who you may actively prefer not to socialize with, who may be struggling with feeling disconnected and lack the kinds of friendships and connections you have. A simple way to extend grace to such people is to refrain from publicizing private social gatherings via social media posts they might see, and instead post these photos and comments via text or on more closed social media accounts only connected to others within your immediate social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those reasons and probably several others.

It's pathetic. Whatever.

+1 and it seems like most people have woken up and realized how stupid it is.

I have noticed this too. It's great.

Imagine being so miserable and pathetic that a picture of your friends having a good time bothers you this much. Are you jealous?

No normal people still do this. You're in a class of your own.

Who decided they are not normal? Where did I say i do it?

Knowing what we know now, how can anyone defend social media?

What is it you think you know? And I'm not defending social media. I'm just so over miserable women shitting on other women, whether it is for their posts on social media, how they dress, how they talk, what color they wear on their nails. This is a post made by a women, I'm certain of it, for the sole purpose of being nasty. Did social media cause women to be jelous and nasty to each other? I think not.

Eh, you're doing the same. Shitting on people who think differently. Social media is toxic is not exactly an unpopular opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like, a group of friends going out for drinks or at a party?
I admit I see these and get FOMO -- even if I'm not close with the people in the photo!
Is it to stoke envy? Assert a place in the social hierarchy? Just cluelessness or the authentic drive to share joy?

Why are you jealous? Wow. No wonder our society is screwed. Who F cares? Most of these women act like they are still in middle school.