Nice Boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are applying for middle school spots for our son this year, and have been really impressed by the academic, athletic and extracurricular options at all of the schools we've visited. But what I really want to know is: where are the kids NICE? Obviously they are preteen and teenage boys, and nobody is nice all the time, but are there any places that stand out in particular for having a culture that expects kindness from the students?

FWIW, we're not looking at Catholic schools, and only to schools that go through 12th. Thanks for any thoughts!

Don’t pick a school that sells you “nice.” Nice is polite smiles and surface-level manners. Pick a school that teaches courage, respect, humility, accountability. Visit the schools and see which are the ones where the boys have each other's backs. That's the one you want. That’s the path from being a nice boy to becoming a good man.

[Anonymous]

None OP. It really depends on how your child will fit in. Certain kids will be bullied. If your kid is a good to great athlete, they will tend to be treated better. If your kid is not into sports, not extroverted, or funny, they will not fit in as well.

The less competitive schools tend to have nicer kids because they're not trying to kill each other getting the one or 2 Ivy spots their school tends to get. I have met nice kids from Burke + WIS. + GZ.

[Anonymous]

Saint Anselms Abbey. We were apprehensive about not being Catholic. But it has been fine. Such a welcoming and supportive place. Lots of structure and freedom at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys. Their “friend group” is a larger influence on behavior than their school. The older 2 boys were at public school, one with a wonderful group of sweet friends and the other with some punk friends. Youngest went to private school and his friends can be jerks. In college they all had similarly nice friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are applying for middle school spots for our son this year, and have been really impressed by the academic, athletic and extracurricular options at all of the schools we've visited. But what I really want to know is: where are the kids NICE? Obviously they are preteen and teenage boys, and nobody is nice all the time, but are there any places that stand out in particular for having a culture that expects kindness from the students?

FWIW, we're not looking at Catholic schools, and only to schools that go through 12th. Thanks for any thoughts!

LOL Nice at private?
You mean entitled twats

You sound nice. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my experience, the only advice I can give is to avoid very small schools, because then it becomes a crapshoot and luck of the draw for the particular class. My kids transitioned from public to a small private. Amazing academically. Made friends across all other grades, but their grade has a core group of boys with consistently objectionable behavior who have been targeting them. It's not been pleasant and I have had to refer to the administration. For reference, I have an older child who went through public school - never any of that. My younger kids came from public where again there was never any of that.

Whereas, my kid had the opposite experience: terrible behavior and targeted bullying at the public school and none of that at a very small private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is speculation and generalizations are being thrown out there, but nonetheless, it seems to me the nicest of cultures won’t exist at the most elite schools or the all boys schools with highly competitive athletics.

I would disagree with this. Sports necessitates cooperation, teamwork, and discipline - all very useful in life and for good vibes.

But when high schools are recruiting teenage sports stars and separating them from the general school population, that's no good for anyone. And all the major private schools in this area are guilty of that - from St. Albans to St. Johns to Sidwell Friends to DeMatha to Gonzaga and so on. So you will get an ugly culture there.

Sports should be a good culture. But somehow we messed that up.

My son goes to one of these schools and from what we've experienced nothing can be further from the truth regarding the athletic culture. They're competitive, sure, but not an ugly culture at all. The boys look out for one another and have formed genuine bonds that will last a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Middle school kids at K-8 tend to be less quick to want to act like high schoolers (or what they think high schoolers act like), which tends to keep them younger longer. In our experience that has meant the boys are much nicer, but it’s silly to suggest that translates across the board to all schools or that middle schoolers at K-12 are conversely not nice.

In small private schools, one or two kids in a grade can totally change the character of the class as a whole so you are better off going somewhere that you know someone who can vouch for your child’s particular class there. There’s just a lot of variation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the kids at Burke and Field are generally nice.

Not my kid's experience at Burke. Left for H.S. The school is really, really, REALLY small and we did not want to chance it for 4 more years.

[Anonymous]

I actually think SSFS has wonderful kids. Having taught HS public school English and ESOL, I can say in general 9th graders are the most challenging. The word “dingus” comes to mind a lot, along with many other NSFW descriptors 🤣. However, my alumni child had a great experience all for years, and my current student feels the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school kids at K-8 tend to be less quick to want to act like high schoolers (or what they think high schoolers act like), which tends to keep them younger longer. In our experience that has meant the boys are much nicer, but it’s silly to suggest that translates across the board to all schools or that middle schoolers at K-12 are conversely not nice.

In small private schools, one or two kids in a grade can totally change the character of the class as a whole so you are better off going somewhere that you know someone who can vouch for your child’s particular class there. There’s just a lot of variation.

Yes, we are doing Norwood for middle school for this reason and happy with boy culture so far. FWIW, I think OP is smart to focus on this issue as school cultures do vary a lot. That being said grade cohorts vary a lot too so once you have schools you are choosing between I would talk to families with kids in the grade you are targeting (if the school includes younger grades so has an existing cohort, as was true for Norwood as a k-8). Ask them about them about social dynamics among boys, what problems have come up, how have families and school handled, etc.

[Anonymous]

I also think choosing a school where the sports culture isn't super dominant and cutthroat will likely get you a nicer boy culture--if there are different ways for boys to thrive that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything's going to depend on the class and the kid -- it's a wild crapshoot out there, where one grade is full of angels straight form the heavenly choir, and the next grade down... isn't.

Statistically speaking, religious and/or with a hard line against technology probably offers your best chance.

So true and I have seen this since preschool as the teachers proclaimed our class as something out of a fairy tale. I think its that kindness and meanness is contagious. Elementary was often based on the class and a bully can make everyone guarded and irritable. By middle school kids know its survival and just try to figure things out. Writing a school off based on a bad crop one year might make you miss out on something special the next

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, Bullis really stresses kindness, joy, community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school kids at K-8 tend to be less quick to want to act like high schoolers (or what they think high schoolers act like), which tends to keep them younger longer. In our experience that has meant the boys are much nicer, but it’s silly to suggest that translates across the board to all schools or that middle schoolers at K-12 are conversely not nice.

In small private schools, one or two kids in a grade can totally change the character of the class[b] as a whole so you are better off going somewhere that you know someone who can vouch for your child’s particular class there. There’s just a lot of variation.

This. A lot of times it just depends on who is in the class that year.