Anonymous wrote:My MIL is not a nice person. She is narcissistic and thinks she is better than everyone. She treats her siblings poorly, is mean to her extended family. People tolerate her to her face because she is very wealthy and they are occasionally treated to nice events and gifts. She has lost many relationships due to her behavior but she acts like she could care less bc the relationships were beneath her. She is also racist, xenophobic, classist, mocks people of different faiths, and the type of person who is rude to waiters.
Over the years, I have caught her in lies about other people (extended family) but I didn’t call her out bc it was none of my business. I have called out on many other obnoxious comments, as have my teens, and she dials back her prejudices.
My DH is an only child and my MIL worships the ground he walks on. He can do no wrong. She is also loving and generous to my two children. DH loves his mom, and he has a strong sense of duty to take care of and visit her (1-2 times/week) although they don’t talk much on these visits. I visited her weekly (with DH) until recently.
MIL has always been outwardly respectful to me, until about a year ago, where I overheard her lie about me (something she says I said)—to my husband. I immediately called her out on it and she insisted I said it and was severely affronted that I questioned her honesty. My husband asked his mom to apologize to me, but didn’t make a big deal bc she was already histrionic. I held my ground and have kept my distance from her since. I am 100% civil and polite but don’t speak to her unnecessarily.
I have stopped making any excuses for her and really can’t stand her. My kids love her as their grandma, but also don’t like her as they have seen her bad behaviors. They don’t like to spend time with her bc she is manipulative. DH knows his mom’s faults, but just lets it go as “it’s just the way she is.” Mind you, she is very sharp and is still working as a professional.
She has been trying to make amends, apologized and said she misunderstood or heard my words wrong. She says she wants things to go back to how they were. But I dont want to go back. I’m so much happier now with space from her . My husband visits her without me (I love it) and I see her at all family gatherings and keep things pleasant.
My issue is that i feel a little guilty about not accepting MIL’s apology (I’m an empath and dislike conflict). I’m also not sure how long my husband will be okay with me avoiding his mom (he’s awesome to my parents and siblings) before he thinks I’m being unreasonable. I don’t want this to cause stress between us.
Perhaps I want some corroboration that I don’t have to forgive or appease a mean, horrible, selfish woman just because she apologized, is old and my DH’s mother.
MIL is local, wealthy, mean spirited, lies, and is rude. DH is an only child and the fact that he says her 1-2 times per week while both are working means he's enmeshed. OP wrote the kids love her because she is the GM but don't want to spend time with her. If the kids loved her they'd want to see her for meals and events. Where are the kids when he's with his mommy dearest?
Key to the whole thing is only child and the money.
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