Have you ever had a rival or nemesis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a frenemie in law school who became an enemy. She started dating the guy she knew full well I liked. I was struggling with my weight and she was skinny and pretty. She had what I call the "curling iron gene" -- one of those women who seems to just automatically know how to do their hair and makeup with ease, and knows what to wear. I hated her for taking this guy. Then we were in competition for a leadership position on law review -- someone I really respected pushed her for it, but she didn't want to do it so she took herself out of the running, and then I didn't get that position either. I became kind of obsessed with hating her and turned the guy against her. What can I say, I was young.

I'm a partner at a firm now, and she hasn't practiced for years, but I still feel less than compared to her. She posts pictures of herself with her husband on vacation or with her horse, and is as pretty as ever, and it stings every time I stalk her page and see how pretty she still is. Every time I tell myself I won't look at it again, but then six months later I do. I know this is messed up.

By this definition I've definitely had a nemesis! I didn't think of it that way though. It was more like "this woman I hate more than I should because I'm jealous of her for specific and yet somewhat nonsensical reasons." I had a friend/coworker who was like this -- pretty and popular in a seemingly effortless way that I will never be. But I only started hating her because she was a crap friend to me, just talked down to me a lot, would make these little backhanded comments to highlight the ways in which she was better than me. I ditched her as a friend because who needs that, but wound up kind of obsessed with her just because I felt simultaneously hurt, jealous, threatened, and rejected. Would stalk her social media until I forced myself to block her just to break the habit. It's such a weird kind of hate, like "I hate you but can't stop paying attention to you."

But I also see it makes no sense to be jealous of her. At this point she's not even pretty or particularly popular. She has a rich husband but she had a rich dad so this is predictable and just status quo for her. The way she treated me indicates she's actually just as insecure as I am, because content people aren't nasty, undermining friends. And other than the rich thing, I'd way rather have my life. But it's like I can't help still feeling this twisted connection to her.

But still not sure she's a nemesis. I just hate her, were not actually competing.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Perry the Platypus! He always disrupted my Evil!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a woman at work I could.not.stand.

She was often between 45 mins and an hour late to meetings. Would take calls in the middle of meetings -- leaving the room, and come back 30 mins later with a coffee from the cafe in her hand. No one else in my org takes calls in the middle of a meeting (and she's low on the totem pole). When it was her turn to perform during hands on trainings she would act weird and attention seeking. She would beg for hours because she was broke, even asking management to ask if anyone else would give up their hours, and then come in the next day showing off her new Prada shoes. Just entitled and disrespectful in general. So disrespectful, and felt the rules didn't apply to her.

I eventually started going after her. I couldn't help myself. If she said something stupid in a meeting, I'd call her out. My favorite was when she'd ask about something we'd gone over during the first half of the meeting when she wasn't there yet because she was late -- I'd say something like "We already went over this; can we please move the hell on?" I'd use an aggressive enough tone that people would be smiling under their hands about it. Eventually other people started calling her out aggressively as well.

She left about 6 months ago. Good riddance. I'm afraid she'll come back though -- I have zero doubt she'll be fired from her new job; she's a terrible employee.

First, she sounds entertaining and mildly admirable. (Work isn’t always about work). Second, depending on your competence and personality (mostly personality), I would be inclined to not like you. I am not inclined to see you as a team player. Instead, I see you as a rule enforcer and nonsense whistle blower. I know am not the only one who feels this way! This is just a heads up that no one likes Ms. Umbridge in the office!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a woman at work I could.not.stand.

She was often between 45 mins and an hour late to meetings. Would take calls in the middle of meetings -- leaving the room, and come back 30 mins later with a coffee from the cafe in her hand. No one else in my org takes calls in the middle of a meeting (and she's low on the totem pole). When it was her turn to perform during hands on trainings she would act weird and attention seeking. She would beg for hours because she was broke, even asking management to ask if anyone else would give up their hours, and then come in the next day showing off her new Prada shoes. Just entitled and disrespectful in general. So disrespectful, and felt the rules didn't apply to her.

I eventually started going after her. I couldn't help myself. If she said something stupid in a meeting, I'd call her out. My favorite was when she'd ask about something we'd gone over during the first half of the meeting when she wasn't there yet because she was late -- I'd say something like "We already went over this; can we please move the hell on?" I'd use an aggressive enough tone that people would be smiling under their hands about it. Eventually other people started calling her out aggressively as well.

She left about 6 months ago. Good riddance. I'm afraid she'll come back though -- I have zero doubt she'll be fired from her new job; she's a terrible employee.

First, she sounds entertaining and mildly admirable. (Work isn’t always about work). Second, depending on your competence and personality (mostly personality), I would be inclined to not like you. I am not inclined to see you as a team player. Instead, I see you as a rule enforcer and nonsense whistle blower. I know am not the only one who feels this way! This is just a heads up that no one likes Ms. Umbridge in the office!

No one liked her -- there was nothing remotely admirable about her messing things up constantly because she hadn't been there on time to hear the briefing. Nothing admirable about her causing everyone else more work because she didn't show up on time or not at all. And you sound stupid and dorky.

[Anonymous]

Only superheros have nemesis. No one gives a rats ass about you. Definitely no one is thinking about you as much as you seem to think.

[Anonymous]

I had work nemesis who made a spurious complaint about me - I was rapidly cleared but quickly found a new job. A few months later they got pretty badly reamed in an IG report for basically failing to do a major function of their job. I felt very happy.

[Anonymous]

Had a romantic rival in HS. At our HS 10 year reunion, I arrived late and entered the women's bathroom to check my make up. She was there but on her way out. Only one thing was said between us. She said, "he's not here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had work nemesis who made a spurious complaint about me - I was rapidly cleared but quickly found a new job. A few months later they got pretty badly reamed in an IG report for basically failing to do a major function of their job. I felt very happy.

Oh I have another one - different job, I made an offhand comment that this coworker took the wrong way (completely misinterpreted) and started yelling accusations. For the next year I never spoke to her again which was quite a feat because there were fewer than 10 employees. I found a new job (not because of her). A few years later I found out she had been a serial plagiarist in articles she wrote for the job and got fired. Score me again.