Would you go with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve seen the school more than once already. You feel that you have all the information you need to support your son on this. Perfect.

Meanwhile, this interview and shadowing experience are 100% for your son. Parents do not get to tag along. And your son is comfortable and confident making the drive and doing his thing. Again, perfect!

Of course you do not need to be there. Your kid has it covered, which itself tells me he’s in such a great place (ready for college!)

My first instinct when I read that someone else was “shocked” you weren’t going was to disparage them as a judgmental busybody. Seriously, people who continue to judge other people’s parenting choices are the worst!!!

But I guess the more charitable way to look at it is that different kids are different, of course.

Some seniors truly would not be capable or comfortable making this trip themselves, either because of their executive function skills (hard to navigating timing and logistics etc.) or because they’d genuinely want or need the support of a parent in order to do this (manage the stress/pressure of this experience.) If Judgy McJudgerson’s kids are in the second category and they assumed your kid was like theirs, I guess I could see how they they thought you made a terrible decision?

But you know your kid. And you know they’re comfortable and confident doing it themself. That’s awesome!!! Don’t worry about the busybodies. Trust your instincts and be proud of your kid!!!

I agree with the above. You do not need to go. Your kid is probably more independent than most due to your family situation. If your kid is unbothered by you skipping the event, you are good.

My kid goes to the state flagship one hour from our house. It's my grad school alma mater. Kid had only been there a couple times before accepting.

We took him on an admissions tour, my husband went to admitted students day, and we parents both went to orientation. We could have skipped all of it from the parent perspective. All key info is on the web.

[Anonymous]

Idk, I went along to something similar. DC and I split up and attended different talks. Information I learned, helped the student later - it had to do with getting admitted to a professional program. I also was able to raise my hand and ask some hard-questions w/out it being known whose parent I was, and without my DC being horrified.

Student had decided on the college. Knew they were going. But the answers to the questions I raised made the way-through for the major into the professional school, made it clear. Saved some mistakes re: class choice/scheduling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I STRONGLY disagree with these posters who say you should go at almost all costs.

I imagine they are stay-at-home parents without paid jobs.

People with jobs have limited paid leave and need to be judicious about when they take it. You say your son is not super-nervous, and while he'd enjoy your company, he doesn't need your support here.

Don't go. Don't feel guilty.

With limited leave this is an event that you can miss. It isn't a big deal.

Other events will require your attendance so you will need to save your time for those. We are in a Facebook group for freshman parents and I was shocked that there were so many parents complaining about having to take time off to drop their student off at college. My point in saying this is at some point you will need to take time off against company policy and this isn't the time.

[Anonymous]

Colleges like kids whose nut sacks have dropped. It usually means less headaches in the form of overbearing parents demanding "accommodations" for their fragile snowflakes. Sending him alone makes the right impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make an effort to go.

+100

[Anonymous]

I too have a senior and would not hesitate to send them alone. If he feels comfortable driving himself there, then I think you’re set.
I think that showing up, checking in at the right place, and asking pertinent questions are all part of successfully going to college. If he feels like he can do those things, then you’ve done a great job already.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who have noted that you know your kid best and should trust your initial instincts that he's fine to go alone. Beyond the logistical reasons for this, it sends a strong "I believe in your competence and resilience" message for you to allow this.

[Anonymous]

If he's fine going alone mostly in terms of the driving part, then it's no big deal. My ds went by himself to the course selection days bc I had to work. I get very few vacation days so have to pick and choose. He did fine. I think it's unfortunate how much pressure there is on parents now to do all the things, all the time, be so on top of kids' every everything, so overinvolved in college. A lot of it is peer pressure and being made to feel like crap for things that do not even matter. It's a disservice to dcs and it often keeps going well into their adulthood with a lack of independence on all levels.

[Anonymous]

I took my first plane flight to go to one. Widowed mom never saw campus until my junior year. You do what you can do.

[Anonymous]

It’s the kind of thing I would go to if it was feasible, but I wouldn’t worry about not going if there was an issue (like difficulty taking leave).

Don’t stress about it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is you didn’t think to go because you know your son has it under control. Good for him, and stick with your gut.

+1

I’m impressed with your student’s independence!

Same. Good job!

[Anonymous]

I’d definitely go. Different strokes for different folks. I always put my kids first, and their academics first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d definitely go. Different strokes for different folks. I always put my kids first, and their academics first.

OP here,

Keeping my job, while solo parenting, so that I will be in a position to pay tuition, is putting my kids and their academics first. I can’t go to everything, so I need to choose.

I wasn’t actually thinking of whether he would need me. I know my kid, he’ll be fine. I was wondering if somehow me being there counts as “demonstrated interest” or if there will be some info in the parent session that I will regret missing.

[Anonymous]

As a widow, it’s important for you to save your leave for the things that matter most. You don’t have unlimited days off and flexibility. If you did, yeah, it would be great to attend everything, but you don’t, so it’s smart to prioritize. My spouse got mono freshman year of college and needed an emergency appendectomy in the first semester of law school. Both times, my in-laws had to come to the rescue. I wouldn’t burn a personal day for this.

Congratulations to your son! I hope he loves the program.

[Anonymous]

He will be fine and you are clearly a great mom who prioritizes her kid. Don't listen to the martyr mom comments.