Would you go with him?

[Anonymous]

My 18 year old senior is applying to a specialized degree that requires a full day visit with shadowing and an interview at a college that is less than two hours away. It’s one of his top two choices.

We were going to have him drive up alone. But there is a parent track, which I think is probably just things to keep parents traveling busy. I have seen the school more than once.

Someone found out our plans and seemed shocked I wouldn’t go. Is it weird to send him alone?

It’s too late for me to get leave, so I am just asking to assuage my guilt

Before someone asks why the other parent doesn’t go, I am widowed.

[Anonymous]

Yes, should go if you don't have to take care of lil kiddos

[Anonymous]

I think that’s a question for your son. Whenever there’s a situation where some parents attend and some don’t, I let my kids decide.

Not the exact situation, but one of my kids is a college freshman and at admitted students day last year there were several kids there without parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, should go if you don't have to take care of lil kiddos

Never take advice from anyone who uses the term “lil kiddos” (or “hubby” for that matter).

[Anonymous]

Kid and I enjoy each others company so he would be happy to have me, but he isn’t anxious or upset about me not going.

As far as “taking care of lil kiddos” does earning money so they can eat and go to college too count?

I hadn’t thought about admitted student days. I wouldn’t have leave for that if I had chosen to thisi

[Anonymous]

Think it is very kid dependent. Do think it is to keep parents occupied. Heard a parent talk on an admissions podcast. His daughter kept him at a distance on school visits, not allowed on tours even with other parents ( thought he would ask too many questions). So he hung out in coffee shops, etc. So likely fine if you don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, should go if you don't have to take care of lil kiddos

+10

[Anonymous]

He is an adult. And, you have even seen the school. Do not sweat it.

[Anonymous]

You’ve seen the school more than once already. You feel that you have all the information you need to support your son on this. Perfect.

Meanwhile, this interview and shadowing experience are 100% for your son. Parents do not get to tag along. And your son is comfortable and confident making the drive and doing his thing. Again, perfect!

Of course you do not need to be there. Your kid has it covered, which itself tells me he’s in such a great place (ready for college!)

My first instinct when I read that someone else was “shocked” you weren’t going was to disparage them as a judgmental busybody. Seriously, people who continue to judge other people’s parenting choices are the worst!!!

But I guess the more charitable way to look at it is that different kids are different, of course.

Some seniors truly would not be capable or comfortable making this trip themselves, either because of their executive function skills (hard to navigating timing and logistics etc.) or because they’d genuinely want or need the support of a parent in order to do this (manage the stress/pressure of this experience.) If Judgy McJudgerson’s kids are in the second category and they assumed your kid was like theirs, I guess I could see how they they thought you made a terrible decision?

But you know your kid. And you know they’re comfortable and confident doing it themself. That’s awesome!!! Don’t worry about the busybodies. Trust your instincts and be proud of your kid!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, you really should go unless it is a true hardship.

[Anonymous]

I would make an effort to go.

[Anonymous]

I'd go so the kid wouldn't have to expend extra energy driving there or drive back alone when tired. If it were less road time I'd send the kid alone no problem, but 2 hours is enough that I think anyone would appreciate not having to drive.

[Anonymous]

My kids would want me to go but I know there are others who would relish the independence of going solo. So, I'd say talk about it with your kid and let them decide.

[Anonymous]

I would go if I could.

[Anonymous]

I STRONGLY disagree with these posters who say you should go at almost all costs.

I imagine they are stay-at-home parents without paid jobs.

People with jobs have limited paid leave and need to be judicious about when they take it. You say your son is not super-nervous, and while he'd enjoy your company, he doesn't need your support here.

Don't go. Don't feel guilty.