Motherless Mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was a drug addict who died when I was 5. I barely remember her, and what I remember is mostly bad. But I think she loved me anyway.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: I can completely and utterly feel your pain. My mother is not dead but oh do I and my whole entire life felt motherless. My mother was very toxic growing up and mentally ill. She is a very caustic person and not many people want to be around her. It is definitely hard to raise a baby without a mother to call for advice or to help out etc. I remember feeling slightly jealous when friend's mothers would spend 2 weeks after the birth of their baby...But the truth is you cannot choose your mother and you are not to be blamed for their inadequacies. It is sad but try to focus on the positive.
To those posters that jumped on the OP regarding her technically not being motherless--shame on you for not having some compassion and empathy. Your deceased mothers were probably saints and excellent mothers, mothers to be sadly missed. My mother and I can imagine the OP's mother is certifiable and not someone that I would want a relationship with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it is so hard. I struggle with it constantly. I have no one to lean on. I get so jealous of my friends with moms who babysit, send care packages, bring soup when they are sick, let them be a brat every once in awhile and not judge them. I'm trying to be the mother I never had, but it is draining. I would love someone to love ME like I love my kids. It wasn't in the cards. I don't know how to tell you to cope, but know you aren't alone.

And to the poster with the deceased mother, I am so very sorry for you loss. I hope your happy memories bring you some comfort. I have none of those. Believe me when I say there are things in life worse than death.

I can relate to this post very much. My mom is still living, she lives about 4 hrs from me and has been to my house once. I can literally count on one hand the number of times she has called me in my entire adult life (I'm 37.) She's like a stranger in so many ways. If she weren't a facebook friend, we'd have no relationship. I don't think she's an inherently bad person, just very detached. I used to feel lonely and frankly unloved or at least unlucky when I was a kid and the other kids had parents who seemed to care about them, would go to school functions and sports games, or just say "I love you" to their kids. When I was very young I'd ask why so and so's mom did such and such and mine didn't and she would just say that kid was spoiled and no one would like them when they grow up. I'm currently TTC and I seriously doubt my children will have any relationship with my mom and I'm even debating whether to tell her when I do have a baby. My step dad was somewhat abusive/neglectful growing up and my mom worked swing shift so she was never around and when I would tell her about what he had done the night before she would either say it wasn't true or if she quit we'd have to go on welfare and it would be my fault. As far as I'm concerned she hasn't earned the right to be around any child of mine. A couple of months ago I took the 2 kids I nanny to my friend's house and she lives across the road from my parents. (The kids parents were out of town in another state.) I had taken both kids on a train w/ all of their things by myself for 3 hrs, arranged for my friend to meet us and then my mom wondered if I was going to visit them. I had gone all that way and she couldn't even bother to walk across the road (it's a little farther than just walking across the street.) I didn't visit because 1. I thought she should make some sort of effort 2. There wasn't any point to bringing someone else's kids for her to meet and 3. I don't think they've earned the right to be around kids. So my kids won't have any grandparents (my dad died of alcoholism when I was 14) and that's going to have to be OK.

You should report your step father and your mother because I don't believe, there is a statute of limitations on child sexual abuse. In face, I believe you have a moral obligation to do so because if he is still alive then he may well be abusing another child. If I had been your employer I would have fired you for putting my children that close to someone who allowed sexual abuse of children.

Not all abuse is sexual abuse. The poster didn't say anything about sex abuse, she also said she did NOT visit and that no child of hers would be around them.