Knowing work colleague makes higher salary and is younger than you

[Anonymous]

Does she also have kids?

I remember when my children very young (2, 3, etc) that I looked around the office and saw all of the VPs (many women) did not have children. That is when I realized I was not going to move up--on purpose.

Instead, I saved 50% or more of my salary for many years so I could leave the workforce early, and I also prioritized jobs that let me WFH some of the time. This was before COVID and all the drama around RTO, etc, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - yes she has kids too.

I think it’s FOMO because I have a terminal degree that I don’t actual use much of.

My husband is in big law. He is the definition of putting his degree to use and achieving his career goals.

My job is secondary and has never been seen of as more than a means to get good health insurance.

You have a PhD?

[Anonymous]

150k is a pretty big spread for two people with the same tittle. Does she work in your department?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - yes she has kids too.

I think it’s FOMO because I have a terminal degree that I don’t actual use much of.

My husband is in big law. He is the definition of putting his degree to use and achieving his career goals.

My job is secondary and has never been seen of as more than a means to get good health insurance.

Couple things stand out here and I think together they indicate your DH has a very arrogant perspective on his job and the family dynamics.

Big law is using his degree just as much as any other attorney who is practicing uses their degree. In fact, unless he is in court all the time, I'd say there are plenty of attorneys in small law, public defenders, AUSAs, who all use their degree more than he does. His job is lucrative but it's not inherently "better."

You mommy tracking is what allows him to enjoy his three kids while also pursing this lucrative career. He should be intelligent enough to see this in his own but maybe he needs a reminder.

Who has never seen your job as more than a means to good insurance? Him? That is so ridiculously snooty. You make 150k - that is great money and many people support families on that (and way less than that!).

I know several men like this and they make me very angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it ever annoy you or make you take pause? Work colleague is a year younger than me (both of us are in our early 40s) and we are both Directors/VP positions. She makes 2x what I make (I know because I work on budgets) and it sometimes makes me think I should have worked harder/not mommy-tracked myself so much. I make $150,000 and she makes $300,000. She definitely has more responsibilities than I do and I am not thinking she doesn't deserve her salary. However I think if I pushed harder in my own career I could also be making similar amount of money.

I mommy-tracked hard and had 3 kids in less than 5 years. Husband makes a high salary and there was no ability for me to push my career forward with so many maternity leaves/kid duties.

$300k is a lot. I don't know many people making that kind of money.

[Anonymous]

It annoyed me when I asked for a $3000 raise at a small nonprofit, was told they didn’t have that money, and then hired a man with less experience (actually first post-college job) for the amount I’d asked for. I quit soon after.

It annoyed me when I was hired in my government job and they counted work experience while you attended school part time but not part-time work while you attended school full time.

It does not annoy me that people have promoted faster or make more money who made different choices in their careers. I went part time for a few years, took time off twice (unpaid) when our children were born, and took a month off (unpaid) when we moved across the country. I appreciate those options.

Also, I just trained / worked with a new hire who I fully expect to have a meteoric rise and out earn me within a few years. Some people are just super stars.

[Anonymous]

My colleage makes substantially more than me. She's younger and still lives at home so she doesn't have the stress of kids, etc. She works on her days off and into the late evening. I wouldn't trade places with her ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also mommy-tracked myself. I believe I will be happier in the long run.

Everything I've read suggests that family is the right emotional choice in the long run. Unless you're a fairly emotionless, materialistic person.

I am sorry I didn't fulfill my potential to rise levels. But I gave it up to ensure financial stability and pleasant living circumstances while my kids were growing up. Ambition involves taking career risk. I am responsible for 60% of my family's HHI.

Looking back, I realize I did make choices with knowledge of the consequences and I need to continue to be confident in my decision. I was laid off right after maternity leave with DC#2 and that was a setback I have never recovered from. I always remember that your kids love you but your employer doesn't really care. Almost all of us are replaceable within a short period of time.

Wait, does the ambition/emotionless thing apply to men, too?

IMO, if you choose to have kids, at least one parent needs to be committed to being around for family---you both shouldnt' have high powered careers where you are not around for the kids/constantly traveling. Sure you can hire nannies, but why have kids if you are never around?

Well not that I disagree with you. But the men usually demand a professional wife upfront or they won’t date you. And I don’t want to die alone.

[Anonymous]

I have that at my workplace as well. Not exactly like you, in that people younger than me are in higher grade position than I am, with possibly less experience, and may well be in a position to manage me. I am being truthful with myself that these people have made different choices and have treated their career/work life different from me. Even if they had kids. They took more chances, paid more attention, gave more focks, applied for jobs I didn't, invested in relationships I didn't. It's a hard confession but it is true. I think you would be happier if you acknowledge your own role in ending up where you ended up, and own it. For whatever reason you made these choices, you made them.

I also finally found it possible to admit to myself that people who advanced more at work are possibly made of other material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also mommy-tracked myself. I believe I will be happier in the long run.

Everything I've read suggests that family is the right emotional choice in the long run. Unless you're a fairly emotionless, materialistic person.

I am sorry I didn't fulfill my potential to rise levels. But I gave it up to ensure financial stability and pleasant living circumstances while my kids were growing up. Ambition involves taking career risk. I am responsible for 60% of my family's HHI.

Looking back, I realize I did make choices with knowledge of the consequences and I need to continue to be confident in my decision. I was laid off right after maternity leave with DC#2 and that was a setback I have never recovered from. I always remember that your kids love you but your employer doesn't really care. Almost all of us are replaceable within a short period of time.

Wait, does the ambition/emotionless thing apply to men, too?

IMO, if you choose to have kids, at least one parent needs to be committed to being around for family---you both shouldnt' have high powered careers where you are not around for the kids/constantly traveling. Sure you can hire nannies, but why have kids if you are never around?

Well not that I disagree with you. But the men usually demand a professional wife upfront or they won’t date you. And I don’t want to die alone.

You are better off dying alone than finding a husband for the sake of finding a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also mommy-tracked myself. I believe I will be happier in the long run.

Everything I've read suggests that family is the right emotional choice in the long run. Unless you're a fairly emotionless, materialistic person.

I am sorry I didn't fulfill my potential to rise levels. But I gave it up to ensure financial stability and pleasant living circumstances while my kids were growing up. Ambition involves taking career risk. I am responsible for 60% of my family's HHI.

Looking back, I realize I did make choices with knowledge of the consequences and I need to continue to be confident in my decision. I was laid off right after maternity leave with DC#2 and that was a setback I have never recovered from. I always remember that your kids love you but your employer doesn't really care. Almost all of us are replaceable within a short period of time.

Wait, does the ambition/emotionless thing apply to men, too?

IMO, if you choose to have kids, at least one parent needs to be committed to being around for family---you both shouldnt' have high powered careers where you are not around for the kids/constantly traveling. Sure you can hire nannies, but why have kids if you are never around?

Well not that I disagree with you. But the men usually demand a professional wife upfront or they won’t date you. And I don’t want to die alone.

You are better off dying alone than finding a husband for the sake of finding a husband.

Unless you are happily single for life it’s hard to take this advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she negotiated better

This is an important point. Maybe you're leaving money on the table, OP. Is she really worth $150K more?

Also hope your spouse values your efforts more than just providing health insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she negotiated better

This is an important point. Maybe you're leaving money on the table, OP. Is she really worth $150K more?

Also hope your spouse values your efforts more than just providing health insurance.

[Anonymous]

F500 HR here - OP isn’t relating the whole story. Pay bands for one grade aren’t that wide. There are likely stratifications of VP that she is not revealing. Like VP Grade 20 vs VP grade 23. The grade 20 has like 20 people reporting in and the 23 has like 800. Something like that.