Freshman Trouble

[Anonymous]

Being lonely is difficult. But that's life, it's part of becoming an adult. He will find his way and his people. All he needs is 1-2 friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is going through the same thing. He put himself out there and thought he’d connected with some kids in his orientation group, but discovered one of them lied to him about his plans to go to the football game their first weekend on campus. Said he wasn’t going to go and then DS saw him walking with a group of guys and the kid turned the other way to pretend like he didn’t see DS. I think DS is lonely and it makes me so sad for him.

Good that he's putting himself out there. It doesn't always work out, but he should keep trying. Seems that kid had already found his "group." It happens, not necessarily personal.

Hard not to take something personally when someone lies to your face and then sees you and tries to pretend like they don’t. He’ll keep trying, but not with that kind of a person.

Yes. What a jerk.

[Anonymous]

This is very very common, much more common than meeting your friends right away.

30+ years this was me. My roommate and I were very different people and she played a sport. She was nice to me and included me and even became friends with someone from my high school but it was clear we would never be friends. I thought I made a friend at orientation and we ate together but by the 2nd week she told me I was boring because all I talked about was boys. I took about another month of me being friendly in all my classes when someone asked if I was going to an event. She had friends going but was sure how good of friends they actually were and was nervous and thought I seemed nice. We lived together 2 years in college and 3 years after college. She helped me go from acquaintances to friends with her friends.

Tell your son to hang in there, join some clubs or club sports.

[Anonymous]

Is he good-looking?

Is he outgoing?

Does he have online connections to friends from high school ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS goes to a smallish school but bigger than his high school (3500 + undergrads) about a 7 hour drive from home.

He thought he had picked the perfect school, and is very disappointed with how things have worked out. He has called home multiple times (including to his older sibling) about his lack of friends compared to the people he sees around him. He has zero plans this weekend, and is already hearing other people talk about theirs which is very stressful to him.

He is a mostly extroverted kid with some anxiety. He did great in high school once he found his crowd, is a good student, was a good athlete, and is not bad looking. He has joined a couple clubs but all there has been is intro meetings.

I know its early, but what can I tell him? When will things workout for him? Is it him? It feels like he goes into the weekends very sad and stressed, and has only had a couple nights out that he has been truly happy with.

You listen to him whine and complain for five minutes or so and then tell him to buck up. Calling home multiple times about his lack of friends is not helping. "I know, Larlo, it's hard. Looks like you're going to have to find your own fun this weekend."

OP, you need to toughen up too.

[Anonymous]

There must be other kids on his floor in his dorm who are also looking for something to do or someone to hang out with on the weekends!

I keep hearing about kids with similar issues to your kid and I don’t get it because when I was in college we all made friends in our dorms (I did at a big school and my HS friends did at schools of varying sizes). We went to the dining hall together doing the week and hung out on the weekends. Do kids not make friends in their dorms anymore? My oldest is a junior in HS. I guess we should ask about this when we do college visits.

[Anonymous]

OP: Encourage your son to do two things:

1. Work out at least once per day. Can be weight lifting, running/jogging, or swimming.

2. Get a part-time job (as I know the school, it should be very easy to find a part-time weekend job).

Having scheduled activities daily will result in friendships and will cause the loneliness to dissipate.

He will be fine, if he focuses on school, work, & exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Encourage your son to do two things:

1. Work out at least once per day. Can be weight lifting, running/jogging, or swimming.

2. Get a part-time job (as I know the school, it should be very easy to find a part-time weekend job).

Having scheduled activities daily will result in friendships and will cause the loneliness to dissipate.

He will be fine, if he focuses on school, work, & exercise.

It is the college alternative to Jersey Shore's Gym, Tan, Laundry. Hopefully he can become friends with The Situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Encourage your son to do two things:

1. Work out at least once per day. Can be weight lifting, running/jogging, or swimming.

2. Get a part-time job (as I know the school, it should be very easy to find a part-time weekend job).

Having scheduled activities daily will result in friendships and will cause the loneliness to dissipate.

He will be fine, if he focuses on school, work, & exercise.

It is the college alternative to Jersey Shore's Gym, Tan, Laundry. Hopefully he can become friends with The Situation

LOL ! I would ask you to translate, but I think that I know the show to which you are referring. Never saw it. Dis I miss much ?