Would you marry knowing your spouse wouldn't sleep with you after a few years?

[Anonymous]

^ end up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I also wouldn't marry my spouse if I knew (i) they weren't going to do ~50% of all household chores and childcare, (ii) they were going to be unfaithful (including doing things like spend money on Only Fans or having emotional affairs, (iii) they were going to have a drug or alchohol addiction issues, (iv) they would have mental health struggles or (v) if I knew they would be a poor financial partner. If any of (i)-(v) were triggered, I would not want to have sex with them anymore.

I wish there were a good way to control for all of these things.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Before getting married, everyone should be fully educated about how human bodies change and age over time, how accidents, illnesses, and injuries happen, and how that can change intimacy. If you are not committed to the relationship through sickness and in heath, for better or for worse, during medically necessary pelvic rest, childbirth, child rearing, menopause and impotence, cranky moods and alone time, and perfectly healthy and normal human shifts in libido, then don't get pretend you intend a marriage to be forever. If you are choosing a spouse expecting to demand sexual intimacy forever, don't get married because the odds are not in your favor of that being a physical possibility.

Or change the vow to read "I take you to be my spouse, but only for as long as I can take you whenever I want." See how that goes over with the crowd of adults who know better at your wedding venue. They'll be taking back their wedding gifts.

[Anonymous]

Ah, but if one spouse has gained 30lbs, and the other can’t make themselves do it, is that forced celibacy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but it happens. And health problems don’t count - if my wife ever gets sick I’ll be holding her hand all the way theough it. For me, so far I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful wife who loves staying fit and having sex. Obviously, these aren’t the only things I love about her but it sure helps keep our connection and love for each other alive. Its like you still get the hot girlfriend you dated and the life long partner that you’ve built something special with over the years. In turn, it makes you date her as if you were a boyfriend always trying to do nice things for her.

What do you do when you’re the wife who has worked hard to stay fit and into it, but your DH lets himself go and takes zero interest in you as a person or sexual partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, everyone should be fully educated about how human bodies change and age over time, how accidents, illnesses, and injuries happen, and how that can change intimacy. If you are not committed to the relationship through sickness and in heath, for better or for worse, during medically necessary pelvic rest, childbirth, child rearing, menopause and impotence, cranky moods and alone time, and perfectly healthy and normal human shifts in libido, then don't get pretend you intend a marriage to be forever. If you are choosing a spouse expecting to demand sexual intimacy forever, don't get married because the odds are not in your favor of that being a physical possibility.

Or change the vow to read "I take you to be my spouse, but only for as long as I can take you whenever I want." See how that goes over with the crowd of adults who know better at your wedding venue. They'll be taking back their wedding gifts.

100% agree. No one should get married assuming that they will maintain the same schedule of sex for the rest of their lives. That's just not how the human body works.

Also I think it's weird to fixate on sex instead of the broader category of physical affection and intimacy. It's one thing for a couple to stop having sex due to a libido problem or even a relationship issue -- sex is one aspect of intimacy but it's not the whole thing. My spouse and I have gone through periods of no or very little sex, but we've never stopped being physically affectionate so I really have never worried that much about it.

Now, if my spouse stopped giving me hugs or kisses or touching me altogether after a few years, I'd view that as a massive failure and I do think that would be grounds for divorce. But sex is more narrow and I went into marriage understanding we are going to grow old and our hormones will shift and that sex is something that would change and likely decline with time and after kids or during illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some women, it becomes painful during menopause. I mean really, really painful.

They have no idea this is going to happen. What would you have them do.

Very easy fix to this - vaginal estrogen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point, if I were to start over alone and start dating again, I would be THRILLED to find someone with low libido or libido that will eventually just stop. I don't care about sex that much anymore. It would be peaceful not to have to pretend.

Are you a man or woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some women, it becomes painful during menopause. I mean really, really painful.

They have no idea this is going to happen. What would you have them do.

This is me. I am trying to remedy the situation, but it’s still painful. It’s not a libido issue and I’m attentive to my husband in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but it happens. And health problems don’t count - if my wife ever gets sick I’ll be holding her hand all the way theough it. For me, so far I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful wife who loves staying fit and having sex. Obviously, these aren’t the only things I love about her but it sure helps keep our connection and love for each other alive. Its like you still get the hot girlfriend you dated and the life long partner that you’ve built something special with over the years. In turn, it makes you date her as if you were a boyfriend always trying to do nice things for her.

I wish my DH thought like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some women, it becomes painful during menopause. I mean really, really painful.

They have no idea this is going to happen. What would you have them do.

See a GYN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but it happens. And health problems don’t count - if my wife ever gets sick I’ll be holding her hand all the way theough it. For me, so far I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful wife who loves staying fit and having sex. Obviously, these aren’t the only things I love about her but it sure helps keep our connection and love for each other alive. Its like you still get the hot girlfriend you dated and the life long partner that you’ve built something special with over the years. In turn, it makes you date her as if you were a boyfriend always trying to do nice things for her.

Why are men so simple?

Society conditions us this way. If we want to go for a hike, enjoy a meal or see a movie we can do that with a friend. But if we want to have sex we have to do that with our significant other. Now anybody who reads this forum knows that we don't all place this kind of limits on ourselves...but those of us who have a high libido but also take our vows seriously will have the same kind of attitude the PP does.

The irony is that all of you lame men and up being the ones with the limp di?ks eventually and often far sooner than you want to admit.

Marriage is a partnership. It should only be a tiny sliver about sex once kids etc are involved

With that attitude, I would assign 0% fault to your spouse if he cheated on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I also wouldn't marry my spouse if I knew (i) they weren't going to do ~50% of all household chores and childcare, (ii) they were going to be unfaithful (including doing things like spend money on Only Fans or having emotional affairs, (iii) they were going to have a drug or alchohol addiction issues, (iv) they would have mental health struggles or (v) if I knew they would be a poor financial partner. If any of (i)-(v) were triggered, I would not want to have sex with them anymore.

I wish there were a good way to control for all of these things.

I'm guessing you wouldn't have married them knowing that they might at some point have a health issue. You yourself are infallible and will never need help or support during an illness.

And actually, there is a GREAT way to control all of those things. Stay single and don't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the plight of most of the men that I know well enough for them to share aspects of their personal lives with me. They made a commitment and hope the woman they fell in love with will return to the body of the woman they are married to.

One of my friends actually admitted that their dead bedroom was his doing after catching his wife cheating while he was traveling for work. He just couldn’t stomach being with her, but was scared he would lose the ability to see his young kids. Marriage seems to be a death sentence for men these days.

Yet the research shows married men are healthier and live longer.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, but it happens. And health problems don’t count - if my wife ever gets sick I’ll be holding her hand all the way theough it. For me, so far I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful wife who loves staying fit and having sex. Obviously, these aren’t the only things I love about her but it sure helps keep our connection and love for each other alive. Its like you still get the hot girlfriend you dated and the life long partner that you’ve built something special with over the years. In turn, it makes you date her as if you were a boyfriend always trying to do nice things for her.

What do you do when you’re the wife who has worked hard to stay fit and into it, but your DH lets himself go and takes zero interest in you as a person or sexual partner?

I wouldn’t know because I wouldn’t let my have have to tey and be attracted to me like that. I’m going to get old - there’s no way around it, but I’ll always try to be the best version of myself.