My mom died — what do I need to do?

[Anonymous]

It's late and you should sleep.

After my Dad died suddenly from a heart attack, I also thought I could just stay home with my children.

But I got a plane ticket there the next morning and i actually can't imagine not going now.

Seeing his body was essential to me really processing the death. I screamed and cried and felt myself kind of go to the next stage of grief.

We needed to cremate him pretty quickly (according to our religion). I was back and forth at the funeral home many times arranging that. They wanted a family member to light the fire, and then I needed to pick up the ashes, and then pick up the death certificate. I was physically there many times.

I found a binder in his office with all of this accounts, and I needed to go one by one and call all of the financial institution.


You will never regret going. You may very well regret not going, and you may also find it harder to process the loss.

I'm very very sorry. It feels physically painful to deal with this, but it's a rite of passages, just like giving birth. You'll be glad to be fully present for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you mean "independent living" as a level of care at a CCRC, or do you mean she lived independently with some hired help? If it's the former, they can walk you through everything (including a least expensive place for a cremation), but it sounds like it's the latter. Is there someone here who could come with you, or is there someone from your mother's church who could meet you? It's an exhausting process mentally, and it can help to have someone who makes sure you're eating, resting, etc