At what point do you give up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't give up on your child, but many families with disabled children reach a point where they realize that they need to shift from a mindset of "keeping up" or "catching up" to one of "keeping going",

That might mean looking for an educational placement where he can feel more successful, and regulate himself more effectively, even if that comes at a cost of slower academic progress.

It might mean changing how you use your resources, whether it's time or money, and prioritizing things that give you all energy for a long journey, whether that's spending the money from OT on a babysitter so you can get a break, or taking ABA off the schedule to let him do more things that make him happy.

It's a hard transition, for many families, but I've seen families come through it.

If you tell us more about specific things that are hard, we can probably make more specific suggestions.

Op here. Our goal has been for him to gain the executive functioning and communication skills necessary to live on his own. While he's minimally verbal (short phrases), but no where near on track. Most troubling is that none of the interventions have really helped that much. The medications make his behaviors a lttle easier to control, but his actual skills aren't that far off from when he was 3.

I'm the PP you responded to. I'm a special educator in high school. I work with students who are working towards alternate learning outcomes, which is a fancy way of saying they'll get a certificate. I say all this, not because it makes me an expert, but because it provides context for my response.

I think those are well thought out goals, but I also think it's very hard to look at an 8 year old and predict where they will be down the road. If I look at students who come to me as 14 year olds, and try to predict how much independence they'll have at 22, it's still hard and a 14 year old is a lot closer to an adult, than an 8 year old. I'll also say that I know kids and families who haven't achieved those particular goals, but whose life is good and meaningful, and who have benefited from a focus on self regulation, executive functioning, and communication.

As far as advice, I'd start by saying that the best way for kids to learn to be regulated, and productive, is by being regulated and productive. That sounds ridiculous when I write it, but what I mean is that finding a school environment where he can feel safe, and not overstimulated, which can lead to calm and work completion, should be a priority. That might mean adding supports to his current environment, like a 1:1 aid, or it might mean a self contained classroom. I am a strong believer in inclusive settings for kids, but if a kid is consistently disregulated, and not completing work at school, those are red flags for me, and tell me that a change is in order. So, I would ask the IEP team about other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he completed the ABLLS-R? What’s his EVT/PPVT scores? Have you had ADLs evaluated? How often is he getting services outside of school? Why have you allowed mainstream placement when he has so many difficulties?

Yeah, the school did testing for the IEP, and the ABA company does testing as part of the annual renewal of prior authorization. The common theme is that they all warn that certain parts of the scores don't mean anything because he won't cooperate.

I've tried to maintain hope because in some cases I know he has skills that he won't demonstrate. For example, he was able to spell before he demonstrated reading, since he wouldn't read on command and generally doesn't talk. And his vocabulary is decent based on what he can type. So I had hoped that speech could pull more of that out of him, which would also help with school, but progress has basically been stallled for a few years.

He probably shouldn't be in a mainstream classroom, but his doctors and therapists have heavily recommended he stay in that placement because lower elementary self-contained classrooms are poor environments academically and for peer interaction. I've seen the program he'd probably alternatively go into, and there wasn't a single verbal child in the group.

[Anonymous]

I look at where my child was six months ago and a year ago. I have always seen some sort progress I can lean into and feel like we are making progress. Small steps (no matter how small) add up over time.

If you are getting burnt out, you need to scale back on something and find someone who can help you reframe things to be able to move forward. You don’t have to try to fix everything at once. Pick a few things that have the best bang for your time and work on those. Then reassess in six months to see what has risen to be the thing that would help the most.

It’s a long slog and it helps to look at it like a marathon and not a sprint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he completed the ABLLS-R? What’s his EVT/PPVT scores? Have you had ADLs evaluated? How often is he getting services outside of school? Why have you allowed mainstream placement when he has so many difficulties?

Yeah, the school did testing for the IEP, and the ABA company does testing as part of the annual renewal of prior authorization. The common theme is that they all warn that certain parts of the scores don't mean anything because he won't cooperate.

I've tried to maintain hope because in some cases I know he has skills that he won't demonstrate. For example, he was able to spell before he demonstrated reading, since he wouldn't read on command and generally doesn't talk. And his vocabulary is decent based on what he can type. So I had hoped that speech could pull more of that out of him, which would also help with school, but progress has basically been stallled for a few years.

He probably shouldn't be in a mainstream classroom, but his doctors and therapists have heavily recommended he stay in that placement because lower elementary self-contained classrooms are poor environments academically and for peer interaction. I've seen the program he'd probably alternatively go into, and there wasn't a single verbal child in the group.

Has he completed the ABLLS-R? What’s his EVT/PPVT scores? Have you had ADLs evaluated? How often is he getting services outside of school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

Why haven’t you homeschooled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

I'm the HS special educator again.

I don't know your kid, and I am just guessing, but there is a pattern that I sometimes see where kids aren't being accommodated appropriately, and they just give up. It's not that they don't care what you think, it's that they don't feel that they have any chance of changing that. They don't see your responses as within their control, and so they ignore it. Kind of like how I care about the weather. I have preferences about the weather. But, because I don't see the weather as within my control, I don't take any steps to change it.

When he does a worksheet halfway, is it something he has the skills to complete? If he is sure he can't do it, he's not going to give any regard to doing it correctly. You might think, well no, but he could have done better than he did do, he should be motivated to do the best he can, but that's not 8 year old logic, or 3 year old logic. Instead, when faced with a demand that requires him to do more than he can do, or more that he thinks he can do, he looks for escape, and often at school, escape comes when you work fast, not when you work correctly.

Does that sound like him? If so, I can give some suggestions, but I don't want to go on and on if it sounds wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't give up on your child, but many families with disabled children reach a point where they realize that they need to shift from a mindset of "keeping up" or "catching up" to one of "keeping going",

That might mean looking for an educational placement where he can feel more successful, and regulate himself more effectively, even if that comes at a cost of slower academic progress.

It might mean changing how you use your resources, whether it's time or money, and prioritizing things that give you all energy for a long journey, whether that's spending the money from OT on a babysitter so you can get a break, or taking ABA off the schedule to let him do more things that make him happy.

It's a hard transition, for many families, but I've seen families come through it.

If you tell us more about specific things that are hard, we can probably make more specific suggestions.

Op here. Our goal has been for him to gain the executive functioning and communication skills necessary to live on his own. While he's minimally verbal (short phrases), but no where near on track. Most troubling is that none of the interventions have really helped that much. The medications make his behaviors a lttle easier to control, but his actual skills aren't that far off from when he was 3.

I'm the PP you responded to. I'm a special educator in high school. I work with students who are working towards alternate learning outcomes, which is a fancy way of saying they'll get a certificate. I say all this, not because it makes me an expert, but because it provides context for my response.

I think those are well thought out goals, but I also think it's very hard to look at an 8 year old and predict where they will be down the road. If I look at students who come to me as 14 year olds, and try to predict how much independence they'll have at 22, it's still hard and a 14 year old is a lot closer to an adult, than an 8 year old. I'll also say that I know kids and families who haven't achieved those particular goals, but whose life is good and meaningful, and who have benefited from a focus on self regulation, executive functioning, and communication.

As far as advice, I'd start by saying that the best way for kids to learn to be regulated, and productive, is by being regulated and productive. That sounds ridiculous when I write it, but what I mean is that finding a school environment where he can feel safe, and not overstimulated, which can lead to calm and work completion, should be a priority. That might mean adding supports to his current environment, like a 1:1 aid, or it might mean a self contained classroom. I am a strong believer in inclusive settings for kids, but if a kid is consistently disregulated, and not completing work at school, those are red flags for me, and tell me that a change is in order. So, I would ask the IEP team about other options.

What other options are there? Autism Connections is really the only one that doesn't sound awful, but I've been told to not expect he would be able to get in. I've seen the classic program as our local school and I wouldn't want that.

We've been trying to get him paraeducator support, and I know the special educator is heavily motivated to push that through, but so far we haven't been successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

Who has given this guidance? It's possible they are right, and what you need to do is to explore increasing and changing the kinds of supports he is getting in gen ed. It's also possible that they are wrong.

Rewards not working is not a sign that it's a motivation issue, and even if it were, you can work on motivation in a mainstream setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

Who has given this guidance? It's possible they are right, and what you need to do is to explore increasing and changing the kinds of supports he is getting in gen ed. It's also possible that they are wrong.

Rewards not working is not a sign that it's a motivation issue, and even if it were, you can work on motivation in a mainstream setting.

What’s your degree in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't give up on your child, but many families with disabled children reach a point where they realize that they need to shift from a mindset of "keeping up" or "catching up" to one of "keeping going",

That might mean looking for an educational placement where he can feel more successful, and regulate himself more effectively, even if that comes at a cost of slower academic progress.

It might mean changing how you use your resources, whether it's time or money, and prioritizing things that give you all energy for a long journey, whether that's spending the money from OT on a babysitter so you can get a break, or taking ABA off the schedule to let him do more things that make him happy.

It's a hard transition, for many families, but I've seen families come through it.

If you tell us more about specific things that are hard, we can probably make more specific suggestions.

Op here. Our goal has been for him to gain the executive functioning and communication skills necessary to live on his own. While he's minimally verbal (short phrases), but no where near on track. Most troubling is that none of the interventions have really helped that much. The medications make his behaviors a lttle easier to control, but his actual skills aren't that far off from when he was 3.

I'm the PP you responded to. I'm a special educator in high school. I work with students who are working towards alternate learning outcomes, which is a fancy way of saying they'll get a certificate. I say all this, not because it makes me an expert, but because it provides context for my response.

I think those are well thought out goals, but I also think it's very hard to look at an 8 year old and predict where they will be down the road. If I look at students who come to me as 14 year olds, and try to predict how much independence they'll have at 22, it's still hard and a 14 year old is a lot closer to an adult, than an 8 year old. I'll also say that I know kids and families who haven't achieved those particular goals, but whose life is good and meaningful, and who have benefited from a focus on self regulation, executive functioning, and communication.

As far as advice, I'd start by saying that the best way for kids to learn to be regulated, and productive, is by being regulated and productive. That sounds ridiculous when I write it, but what I mean is that finding a school environment where he can feel safe, and not overstimulated, which can lead to calm and work completion, should be a priority. That might mean adding supports to his current environment, like a 1:1 aid, or it might mean a self contained classroom. I am a strong believer in inclusive settings for kids, but if a kid is consistently disregulated, and not completing work at school, those are red flags for me, and tell me that a change is in order. So, I would ask the IEP team about other options.

What other options are there? Autism Connections is really the only one that doesn't sound awful, but I've been told to not expect he would be able to get in. I've seen the classic program as our local school and I wouldn't want that.

We've been trying to get him paraeducator support, and I know the special educator is heavily motivated to push that through, but so far we haven't been successful.

Which district are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

Who has given this guidance? It's possible they are right, and what you need to do is to explore increasing and changing the kinds of supports he is getting in gen ed. It's also possible that they are wrong.

Rewards not working is not a sign that it's a motivation issue, and even if it were, you can work on motivation in a mainstream setting.

What’s your degree in?

Special Education, what's yours in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

If the rewards aren’t working then you have a motivation issue not a learning issue and that won’t be addressed in mainstream. I’d call an IEP, hire a lawyer, take your team with you, and fight for adequate services. You’re doing him a disservice as it stands.

Calling a meeting doesn't help if there isn't an ask. We've been working with his therapists and doctors for years trying to find something that might help. The mainstream setting isn't good, but the guidance we've gotten is that a self-contained program would be worse for him.

Who has given this guidance? It's possible they are right, and what you need to do is to explore increasing and changing the kinds of supports he is getting in gen ed. It's also possible that they are wrong.

Rewards not working is not a sign that it's a motivation issue, and even if it were, you can work on motivation in a mainstream setting.

What’s your degree in?

Special Education, what's yours in?

Excellent! Explain to me how you’d address motivation in a mainstream setting. Very curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Doesn't seem like a troll to me. Sounds like a frustrated parent but also a parent who is likely coming to terms with the fact that their child won't get to the level they were hoping they would with all these interventions. It's still a difficult thing to process.

Hopefully there are better programs available and OP should certainly look into it. BUT to the extent the issue is behavioral I think taking a closer look at what is going on is important. A classroom observation or several to really understand what is going on could be helpful to reset. In my experience the tenor of the communication coming home from school created an impression of total dysfunction that was not really the case. Schools just tend to communicate in an escalated manner and don’t communicate the positives or overall picture.

OP here. I've had pretty good relationships with his classroom teachers and special educators. I've had some classroom visits, and if anything, the situation is worse than they say. Completely ignores most instructions or questions and wanders around the room frequently. With 1:1 attention, he might get half-way a worksheet/project, but with absolutely no regard to doing it correctly.

I've never before met anyone in my life who literally does not care what you say or think. Whether you're mad or happy toward him, he doesn't care at all. I wish I was exaggerating. Even rewards don't work on him.

I'm the HS special educator again.

I don't know your kid, and I am just guessing, but there is a pattern that I sometimes see where kids aren't being accommodated appropriately, and they just give up. It's not that they don't care what you think, it's that they don't feel that they have any chance of changing that. They don't see your responses as within their control, and so they ignore it. Kind of like how I care about the weather. I have preferences about the weather. But, because I don't see the weather as within my control, I don't take any steps to change it.

When he does a worksheet halfway, is it something he has the skills to complete? If he is sure he can't do it, he's not going to give any regard to doing it correctly. You might think, well no, but he could have done better than he did do, he should be motivated to do the best he can, but that's not 8 year old logic, or 3 year old logic. Instead, when faced with a demand that requires him to do more than he can do, or more that he thinks he can do, he looks for escape, and often at school, escape comes when you work fast, not when you work correctly.

Does that sound like him? If so, I can give some suggestions, but I don't want to go on and on if it sounds wrong.

I am certain he is capable of finishing his work. He doesn't get frustrated over figuring out the task- he gets frustrated over having to do it. When sufficiently pressed through 1:1 enegagement, he can get through it. But he will do the minimal work.

So, he might get up and try to skip the whole thing. Or, maybe he'll do the first step/question and then leave. Or he'll write one or two words on a line when he's supposed to write sentences. He'll try to stop after each step, so someone needs to be next to him to physically stop him from getting up and wandering off to other activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't give up on your child, but many families with disabled children reach a point where they realize that they need to shift from a mindset of "keeping up" or "catching up" to one of "keeping going",

That might mean looking for an educational placement where he can feel more successful, and regulate himself more effectively, even if that comes at a cost of slower academic progress.

It might mean changing how you use your resources, whether it's time or money, and prioritizing things that give you all energy for a long journey, whether that's spending the money from OT on a babysitter so you can get a break, or taking ABA off the schedule to let him do more things that make him happy.

It's a hard transition, for many families, but I've seen families come through it.

If you tell us more about specific things that are hard, we can probably make more specific suggestions.

Op here. Our goal has been for him to gain the executive functioning and communication skills necessary to live on his own. While he's minimally verbal (short phrases), but no where near on track. Most troubling is that none of the interventions have really helped that much. The medications make his behaviors a lttle easier to control, but his actual skills aren't that far off from when he was 3.

I'm the PP you responded to. I'm a special educator in high school. I work with students who are working towards alternate learning outcomes, which is a fancy way of saying they'll get a certificate. I say all this, not because it makes me an expert, but because it provides context for my response.

I think those are well thought out goals, but I also think it's very hard to look at an 8 year old and predict where they will be down the road. If I look at students who come to me as 14 year olds, and try to predict how much independence they'll have at 22, it's still hard and a 14 year old is a lot closer to an adult, than an 8 year old. I'll also say that I know kids and families who haven't achieved those particular goals, but whose life is good and meaningful, and who have benefited from a focus on self regulation, executive functioning, and communication.

As far as advice, I'd start by saying that the best way for kids to learn to be regulated, and productive, is by being regulated and productive. That sounds ridiculous when I write it, but what I mean is that finding a school environment where he can feel safe, and not overstimulated, which can lead to calm and work completion, should be a priority. That might mean adding supports to his current environment, like a 1:1 aid, or it might mean a self contained classroom. I am a strong believer in inclusive settings for kids, but if a kid is consistently disregulated, and not completing work at school, those are red flags for me, and tell me that a change is in order. So, I would ask the IEP team about other options.

What other options are there? Autism Connections is really the only one that doesn't sound awful, but I've been told to not expect he would be able to get in. I've seen the classic program as our local school and I wouldn't want that.

We've been trying to get him paraeducator support, and I know the special educator is heavily motivated to push that through, but so far we haven't been successful.

Which district are you in?

MCPS