VA suburbs - being too comfortable

[Anonymous]

We lived in Alexandria and McLean. Most people we know did not grow up in VA. Many are from other countries, not just other states. DH and I are both from the Northeast and went to school in Boston.

I don’t know anyone who only goes to Rehoboth. We usually go on one driving beach trip but also travel to Europe, Asia, Caribbean, etc.

DMV has a huge immigrant population. My kids have many kids whose parents are children of diplomats, world bank, etc.

[Anonymous]

I went to school in Boston and worked there. I remember people used to go to Cape Cod or Martha’s Vineyard. New Yorkers go to the Hamptons. People here go to Rehoboth, Bethany Beach or Outer Banks or Bald Head.

I personally used to think these adults were odd in Boston going to the boring Cape. They had younger kids and would fly to Florida and nowhere more exotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

If you’re actually serious and not just a troll, the way to make sure children have empathy is to show it yourself. Same with curiosity, and the desire to travel. How are you showing these things to your kid?

[Anonymous]

Look once my children are adults the can volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter all they want. But we are never doing those things as a family. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Where in VA do you live?

I can’t imagine any affluent VA suburb close in that fits OP’s description. My next door neighbor is a politician. We have people from all over the country and world in McLean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by this post. I’ve lived in 9 different places in this country and Northern VA is, by far, the most transient and least likely to have neighborhoods populated entirely by folks who grew up here. In fact, our friend group is probably 80/20 transplants vs natives. Impressive work befriending every local in McLean!

Look, some kids have the desire to spread their wings and some kids don’t. Even if you are stuck with a kid who can only muster Georgetown or UVA, there’s a possibility that they’ll wander post-college.

Your options are to expose them to a lot of different people, places, and experiences OR make home life so miserable that they are forced to flee.

I'm a little further out from McLean, and know tons of locals. Perhaps because I'm quasi local myself (from PWC, but no longer live there)?

The locals I know are here because they like it here. Not sure why OP is judging people who had such a great childhood that they want that for their own kids. I know multiple people at our ES and MS who are excited for their kids to attend their alma mater.

And given that DC is at least somewhat transient, it's not like attending the same school your parent or parents did is going to doom you to only hanging out with the same 100 people for the rest of your life or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The most intellectually curious boys I know were all smart and most were physically active. More specifically, the academically inquisitive boys I've met tended to be good athletes. However, if he is intellectually curious, you need to be prepared for him to reach conclusions with which you may disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston and worked there. I remember people used to go to Cape Cod or Martha’s Vineyard. New Yorkers go to the Hamptons. People here go to Rehoboth, Bethany Beach or Outer Banks or Bald Head.

I personally used to think these adults were odd in Boston going to the boring Cape. They had younger kids and would fly to Florida and nowhere more exotic.

I know a ton of local Boston people who love Cape Cod. They have second homes there and there are whole communities of local cops, politicians, judges that get together.

Martha’s Vineyard has a ton of New Yorkers with their loud ill mannered children. Also west coast people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The most intellectually curious boys I know were all smart and most were physically active. More specifically, the academically inquisitive boys I've met tended to be good athletes. However, if he is intellectually curious, you need to be prepared for him to reach conclusions with which you may disagree.

Those are a handful of people you know. You’re talking about kids who play on kids sports teams not pro athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The most intellectually curious boys I know were all smart and most were physically active. More specifically, the academically inquisitive boys I've met tended to be good athletes. However, if he is intellectually curious, you need to be prepared for him to reach conclusions with which you may disagree.

Those are a handful of people you know. You’re talking about kids who play on kids sports teams not pro athletes.

So PP thinks the answer is to put the boys on sports teams or what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn’t try to live through your children. If you want a different life then move.

+1

[Anonymous]

Force your kids to spend school holidays interacting with the poors. They will vote GOP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The most intellectually curious boys I know were all smart and most were physically active. More specifically, the academically inquisitive boys I've met tended to be good athletes. However, if he is intellectually curious, you need to be prepared for him to reach conclusions with which you may disagree.

Those are a handful of people you know. You’re talking about kids who play on kids sports teams not pro athletes.

So PP thinks the answer is to put the boys on sports teams or what?

They all seem to think that. Doesn’t work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The most intellectually curious boys I know were all smart and most were physically active. More specifically, the academically inquisitive boys I've met tended to be good athletes. However, if he is intellectually curious, you need to be prepared for him to reach conclusions with which you may disagree.

Those are a handful of people you know. You’re talking about kids who play on kids sports teams not pro athletes.

So PP thinks the answer is to put the boys on sports teams or what?

They all seem to think that. Doesn’t work that way.

There are many different successful people. I am a child of immigrants. I have also noticed many successful men and women are athletic. They weren’t necessarily D1 athletes but they played soccer or tennis or baseball. It is very American to be healthy and athletic. I don’t think this is a bad thing.

Of course there are many ways to be successful. You can also be a geeky tech guy who was not an athlete.

Athletes are often bigger, stronger and have strong discipline. I mean who wants their son to be wimpy and unathletic. The norm is for the boy to play sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

I don't think one can be "too comfortable" ever. That's like saying you are too rich or too thin--never possible.