VA suburbs - being too comfortable

[Anonymous]

I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

[Anonymous]

Leave it alone, OP. Let your kids grow up and be themselves.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t try to live through your children. If you want a different life then move.

[Anonymous]

You sound unnaturally dependent on your children. Let them live their own life.

[Anonymous]

I am fascinated by this post. I’ve lived in 9 different places in this country and Northern VA is, by far, the most transient and least likely to have neighborhoods populated entirely by folks who grew up here. In fact, our friend group is probably 80/20 transplants vs natives. Impressive work befriending every local in McLean!

Look, some kids have the desire to spread their wings and some kids don’t. Even if you are stuck with a kid who can only muster Georgetown or UVA, there’s a possibility that they’ll wander post-college.

Your options are to expose them to a lot of different people, places, and experiences OR make home life so miserable that they are forced to flee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

The first and last part of the bolded have nothing to do with each other.

[Anonymous]

If your kids like you, and enjoyed their childhood, they are more likely to want to stay in-state for college.

The kids who move away get wanderlust from a variety of sources. They may be from a family that moved or traveled a lot during their childhood. Maybe they are hyperambitious by temperament and know that the "best" may be elsewhere. Maybe they chanced across their dream school early and always wanted to go there. There are certainly lots of good reasons to go. But staying often comes from a place of contentment and appreciation of family life in the locality.

I moved to the Midwest for a more affordable lifestyle. Now my born-here kids want to stay. My younger one might be a better fit for back East. But so far he has no interest. I have to live with my choices and let others make theirs.

With a local as a husband, you have an even more difficult argument to make.

Vacations and campus tours might help randomly. No way to ensure success.

[Anonymous]

Study abroad by 15. Preferably somewhere not comfortable at all but really anywhere tossed between 3 or more families will do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

I don't think that there is in fact anything elite about you.

[Anonymous]

What about the people in the Boston suburbs who decamp to Captiva for February break and the Cape for the summer?

This is not unique to the DMV, even though you want to attribute it to Virginia only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Study abroad by 15. Preferably somewhere not comfortable at all but really anywhere tossed between 3 or more families will do it.

I studied abroad in high school and college. That did the opposite of what you think it will. It satisfied my wanderlust. I came home and stayed home. I have travelled a lot, but my home base is near my family and we all like it that way.

[Anonymous]

If you live in NOVA, your child is already exposed to far more diversity than they would be anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

You sound self righteous.

Leave your kid alone.

[Anonymous]

I really don't want my children exposed to poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes worry my child is too comfortable in our wealthy VA suburb. How do i make sure he grows up with empathy, continues to be intellectually and culturally curious, and leaves the area for college? I see people who grew up in the same suburb raising kids in the same neighborhood, going to Rehoboth or the same 2 spots in Florida for vacations and I don't want that for my kid. I get it - things are comfortable, pleasant, there are similar people around with plenty of activities, friends, restaurants, likeminded people, why would people want to leave the bubble? But I somehow don't want my kid to go to a state school or go to DC for college. DH doesnt see an issue but he grew up in the region and would be happy and proud if kids stayed in the DC area. I might be an elitist, but I prefer the coasts as well as urban areas not in the mid-atlantic.

Empathy, intellect, culture are not diametrically opposite wealth and comfort. In fact, there is no real relationship.

In order to get an empathetic, intellectual, culturally aware kid, practice empathy, challenge them intellectually, and expose them to a lot of culture.

It’s not rocket science.