Are older parents more relaxed about leaving kids home alone in 2025?

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old has done drop off playdates for a few years, whereas my 8 year old probably won't for a few years. They're just different and need different supports, have different comfort levels. On the other hand I would be very comfortable leaving the 8 year old for an hour-ish and regularly leave him for 10-15 minutes and have for awhile. The 6 year old, it still feels like awhile before he will be ready for being left home alone for even short bits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not allowing your 8 year old to do drop off play dates isn't doing her any favors. She needs to know that you trust her to be in the world without you and that the world is generally a safe place.

At 8 or 9, I was leaving my kids home alone for short periods of time, although never with friends. At 9 or 10, with good friends where I knew the parent and had discussed it beforehand, I would leave them home alone for very short periods (for example, if my schedule required that I leave 30 minutes before the other parent could pick up).

OP here. I allow it, she asks me to stay. She wants me to make friends too lol.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The playdate scene must be very different in California. I am in a low income area so a lot of us don't have houses to host. Most of our playdates are meeting at a park or something. We haven't been invited to a drop off play date actually. And I haven't invited anyone to our place because we live in a small two bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is an age thing, it’s an anxious parent thing. I know two moms who won’t let their kids do drop off birthday parties until age 12-they stick around. One is on the older side to have a kid that age, one is younger. Both are anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you from, OP? I don’t think I know anyone who had kids at 22. Most people I know in the DC area had kids in our early 30s so yes, I guess we’re older parents, who are more laid back in the sense that we can leave our 8+ yr-olds for playdates.

I'm from Minnesota, then moved to California and got knocked up at 22. It was young, but not like I was a teen parent. I was done with my bachelor's degree at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not allowing your 8 year old to do drop off play dates isn't doing her any favors. She needs to know that you trust her to be in the world without you and that the world is generally a safe place.

At 8 or 9, I was leaving my kids home alone for short periods of time, although never with friends. At 9 or 10, with good friends where I knew the parent and had discussed it beforehand, I would leave them home alone for very short periods (for example, if my schedule required that I leave 30 minutes before the other parent could pick up).

OP here. I allow it, she asks me to stay. She wants me to make friends too lol.

No OP, it's not a cute little thing. You've turned her into an anxious mess that can't seem to function without you. This isn't a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a life outside of your kids? Do you socialize, go out with your husband, have a job etc?

Op here- yes I do. I am a co-parenting mom, so I get lots of free time and I work. My neighbors are my best friends, we go hiking and such often. Technically they could help in an emergency too.

I should mention I have a 6 yr old as well, but even during the times that he's not home I wouldn't want to leave her, I guess because she always wants to be with me. My daughter and I are very close. I'll admit she has some anxiety too, I plan on talking to our pediatrician.

I have anxiety which is managed with medication but of course will never fully go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not allowing your 8 year old to do drop off play dates isn't doing her any favors. She needs to know that you trust her to be in the world without you and that the world is generally a safe place.

At 8 or 9, I was leaving my kids home alone for short periods of time, although never with friends. At 9 or 10, with good friends where I knew the parent and had discussed it beforehand, I would leave them home alone for very short periods (for example, if my schedule required that I leave 30 minutes before the other parent could pick up).

OP here. I allow it, she asks me to stay. She wants me to make friends too lol.

No OP, it's not a cute little thing. You've turned her into an anxious mess that can't seem to function without you. This isn't a good thing.

Geez alright then. I do my best. There's factors that make me anxious. For example, there was gang violence at townhome below me which resulted in a double homicide with multiple ARs 3 years ago. So yeah, I'm anxious. Also having a rapist for a president doesn't help with my anxiety about the weirdos in the world today who I do not want my kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you from, OP? I don’t think I know anyone who had kids at 22. Most people I know in the DC area had kids in our early 30s so yes, I guess we’re older parents, who are more laid back in the sense that we can leave our 8+ yr-olds for playdates.

I'm from Minnesota, then moved to California and got knocked up at 22. It was young, but not like I was a teen parent. I was done with my bachelor's degree at least.

Are you a single mom?

[Anonymous]

Yes, Gen X parents tend to be more relaxed about such things because our parents were more relaxed with us.

[Anonymous]

I want to address this part of your post:

"I started babysitting at 12, but the world is very different"

Yes the world is very different - dramatically safer. This post talks about crime rates - things were much more dangerous when we were kids in the 90s. https://www.connectsavannah.com/extras/is-the-world-more-dangerous-for-kids-than-it-was-30-years-ago-2737349

You are also not a relaxed parent. This is the behavior of a very anxious parent. I've done drop off playdates with families we know well since my kids were 3 or 4, and recently with a family we don't know as well, I stayed for half. You're smothering your kids! You can go across the street. What if you get hit by a car? Well, you'll go to a hospital in an ambulance and they'll call your next of kin and someone will go to your house and get your kid. And she'll be a little scared but fine. And that's the WORST case scenario. If you're that worried about it, get a landline or a dumb phone and teach her some emergency numbers.

You should read the Anxious Generation or some of the work by Lenore Skenazy. You're doing your kids a disservice.

I'm 41, if it matters, but the facts of what's dangerous and what's not don't actually change whether you're 30 or 40.

[Anonymous]

I was babysitting other children at 10. However, my sons are far less responsible and thus I do not trust them to be home alone for longer than it takes to walk a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was babysitting other children at 10. However, my sons are far less responsible and thus I do not trust them to be home alone for longer than it takes to walk a dog.

Thank you. I asked mine the other day about fire safety and they had forgotten everything they learned. Mine are forgetful about procedure type things even with practice and reminders, so I can't imagine in an actual emergency.

I do let them play outside with neighborhood friends alone with the door cracked open so I can hear them. I also leave them alone to walk to the mail room and laundry in the complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mid 40s, so maybe an older parent? I have three- and have been leaving my youngest for 10 minutes at a time from about 8. He's now almost 9, and has shown me he is ok to be home longer. He has an ipad to contact us, as well as a home phone. He also knows many of our local neighbors and we have talked a lot about where to go if he can't reach us.

Honestly, giving him the responsibility to do the right thing and show him that we trust him is really important to me. The only time I've been uncomfy was leaving him home with his 11 year old sibling when the power was out. It was necessary, but made me nervous. I left them an extra cell phone we had so they were able to call us.

We also have a very safe neighborhood, and really do know more than half our neighbors.

+1 to everything

[Anonymous]

You say "the world is very" different, as an excuse as to why you can't leave kids at home. But really - that's not true. The world has always been a dangerous place, and you're clearly not a 'pretty relaxed' parent, if you think doordashing food because you're afraid to leave a kid alone for 10 minutes is necessary.

To answer your question-- yes, I have, and will continue to leave my kids at home alone for a while while I run errands. My kids are smart, cautious, and I trust them.

I was staying home alone with my (then) 5 year old sibling when I was younger than they are growing up....and I'd like think that I've turned out alright!

Kids aren't made of glass, my boys are the world to me, but I also know the difference between being a worrywart and an aware and caring mom.

They'll be fine. We don't live in a warzone, as the media likes to portray.