Are older parents more relaxed about leaving kids home alone in 2025?

[Anonymous]

I see myself as a pretty relaxed parent. I was surprised at the PPs in the thread about the 9 yr olds being left alone at a sleepover.

My daughter just finished second grade, so she is 8. The people in the thread talked about how 9 is 5th grade ...no it's not! At least not typically. 3rd graders turn 9.

I haven't dropped her off for a playdate before, I'm always invited to stay and when I ask what she wants, DD asks me to stay and hang out with the other mom. I can't imagine trusting someone to watch her and then coming back to her not being cared for or supervised.

Anyways, I noticed in the thread that many moms said they left their 8/9 year olds home alone frequently for errands. That seemed crazy to me. What if you get in a car accident? So many things could go wrong. I live across the street, a 2 minute walk, from Walmart, target, restaurants etc and have never walked over there without my children. Now I'm thinking I am being too careful? If they are sleeping, I doordash food from across the street, rather than leaving them.

Is it possibly the older and therefore maybe more old-school parents who are doing this? I am 30, and none of my friends my age who are mothers would consider leaving children home alone before being teens. I started babysitting at 12, but the world is very different, and also I still remember all the things I did wrong as a babysitter at that age. And maybe the older parents have more money, so they tend to be in safer areas, compared to my questionable neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Get some help for your anxiety before you pass it on to your kid. An 8 year old is perfectly capable of being left alone for 5 minutes. You are crating a world of problems for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Not allowing your 8 year old to do drop off play dates isn't doing her any favors. She needs to know that you trust her to be in the world without you and that the world is generally a safe place.

At 8 or 9, I was leaving my kids home alone for short periods of time, although never with friends. At 9 or 10, with good friends where I knew the parent and had discussed it beforehand, I would leave them home alone for very short periods (for example, if my schedule required that I leave 30 minutes before the other parent could pick up).

[Anonymous]

I'm mid 40s, so maybe an older parent? I have three- and have been leaving my youngest for 10 minutes at a time from about 8. He's now almost 9, and has shown me he is ok to be home longer. He has an ipad to contact us, as well as a home phone. He also knows many of our local neighbors and we have talked a lot about where to go if he can't reach us.

Honestly, giving him the responsibility to do the right thing and show him that we trust him is really important to me. The only time I've been uncomfy was leaving him home with his 11 year old sibling when the power was out. It was necessary, but made me nervous. I left them an extra cell phone we had so they were able to call us.

We also have a very safe neighborhood, and really do know more than half our neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mid 40s, so maybe an older parent? I have three- and have been leaving my youngest for 10 minutes at a time from about 8. He's now almost 9, and has shown me he is ok to be home longer. He has an ipad to contact us, as well as a home phone. He also knows many of our local neighbors and we have talked a lot about where to go if he can't reach us.

Honestly, giving him the responsibility to do the right thing and show him that we trust him is really important to me. The only time I've been uncomfy was leaving him home with his 11 year old sibling when the power was out. It was necessary, but made me nervous. I left them an extra cell phone we had so they were able to call us.

We also have a very safe neighborhood, and really do know more than half our neighbors.

Yes, you would be considered an older parent.

I think that OP is way too anxious and maybe needs to consider meds and/or therapy.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old who starts 5th grade next week. He will turn 10 a few weeks later.

Last year (age 9 still) he came home from school alone one day a week when DH and I both had work commitments. He was home alone about an hour. He was not permitted to have friends over, I would probably not allow that until older teen.

But you seriously attend your child's play dates? That is next level crazy. I can understand different kids have different abilities to be left alone. But not letting them play alone? Super weird.

Im 41 fwiw.

[Anonymous]

I noticed in 4th grade (age 9 to 10) most of my son's friends were home alone during the work day. I noticed because if I would ask a parent about their son coming over to play or carpooling to soccer practice or something like that they would tell me they got home at 6pm, or their child had a house key, or something similar. I was a little surprised at how common and frequent it was. We left my son alone occasionally but not daily. But, honestly, it made me realize we could leave him more and he would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Where are you from, OP? I don’t think I know anyone who had kids at 22. Most people I know in the DC area had kids in our early 30s so yes, I guess we’re older parents, who are more laid back in the sense that we can leave our 8+ yr-olds for playdates.

[Anonymous]

It’s way too old to be sticking around for play dates!

[Anonymous]

I'm 39 with a 12 year old so....average I suppose. Was definitely doing drop off playdates at 8. By 10, I would leave him alone for 20 min. By 11, he could be alone for longer. We live in an incredibly safe area. There is.... absolutely zero concern of a break in. Our town hasn't had a non domestic crime in forever. DS actually devised our "fire plan" on the off chance there was ever a fire.

I don't blame people for having different levels of comfort with leaving their kids alone, especially if they live in a questionable area. But staying for playdates would make me worried that you're passing on your anxiety to your kid. And that will become a problem. Eventually other kids won't want to hang out with the girl whose mom always has to be around.

[Anonymous]

You're 30 years old with an 8 year old? So basically a teen mom.

[Anonymous]

This is nuts.

When my oldest was 8 we started letting her bike around the neighborhood with an AirTag.

She’s 10 and that’s how all her friends spend summer, biking from house to house gathering the most adorable biker gang ever. The neighborhood is basically bordered by a busy they’re not allowed to cross and a forest/park on the other side. Anything in between is fair game. These are her favorite memories and I can’t imagine how lame it would be if her or her friends always had an adult shadowing them.

[Anonymous]

What if you get in a car accident? Well then you're grateful that your kid wasn't in a car accident too and is safe at home. Seems like a win all around.

We absolutely leave our 7 and 9 year olds at home. The 7 year old not by himself and only when the 9 year old is also home. This is for short errands like picking up their toddler sibling from daycare.

What's the worst that can happen? Well we've planned for it and prepped our kids for it. What do they do if there's a fire? They know what to do. What do they do if there's a burglar? What to do if a friend knocks on the door and wants to play? My kids don't do any cooking and don't use the microwave when we're not home, they don't answer the door or go outside. My oldest is a very anxious kid, so I think giving her confidence, responsibility, and experience has helped her a lot with anxiety.

And you're 30 with an 8 year old??

[Anonymous]

I'm so jealous of people who can have their kids walk home from school alone. We live 4 houses down from school on the same side of the street and our principal won't let ANY kids walk home alone, not even the 5th graders. I like walking with my kids, but there have definitely been times (on a conference call that won't end) that I needed them to come home and they couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Depending where you live the age cutoff is different. A kid can be nine going into fifth grade, soon to turn ten in some places. And it’s VERY weird that you haven’t dropped your nine year old off for playdates.