Mom won’t stop bringing up sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her son, he’s a major part of her life, if you don’t want to talk to her stop calling, but you don’t get to dictate what other people find important in their lives. Entitled millennial.

What's funny is if her mother wrote this same thread from her POV and said "My daughter doesn't have a great relationship with her brother, and seems to get annoyed or gets distant everytime I bring him up. What should I do?" You and others would be calling her entitled or inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s her son, he’s a major part of her life, if you don’t want to talk to her stop calling, but you don’t get to dictate what other people find important in their lives. Entitled millennial.

No. OP is the drama queen here. I guarantee there is no abuse, just gold-old fashioned sibling rivalry. And instead of being a normal person and valuing the people in her life--taking the bad with the good (because nobody is perfect), she demands everybody act exactly as she desires. It's ridiculous. OP's brother is her mother's son. It's hurtful for OP to drag the guy constantly. OP is wrong and I hope that mom sees the light and tells her to leave her son alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s her son, he’s a major part of her life, if you don’t want to talk to her stop calling, but you don’t get to dictate what other people find important in their lives. Entitled millennial.

No. OP is the drama queen here. I guarantee there is no abuse, just gold-old fashioned sibling rivalry. And instead of being a normal person and valuing the people in her life--taking the bad with the good (because nobody is perfect), she demands everybody act exactly as she desires. It's ridiculous. OP's brother is her mother's son. It's hurtful for OP to drag the guy constantly. OP is wrong and I hope that mom sees the light and tells her to leave her son alone.

You can’t ‘guarantee’ that, you have no idea what happened. And where was it mentioned that anyone is ‘dragging the guy constantly’?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you’re experiencing your family’s version of drama, even though you didn’t see it when the dynamics were working better for you.

If you’re open to it, reading up on psychological “drama triangles” can be really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does she say when you ask her not to talk about them?

This is key. If she ignores your request that tells you a lot. Then you need to just change subject or get off the phone.

Sure nobody has to do anything, but there are consequences to that. My mother wonders why her friendships has faded and her family relationships are distant. It's because she has this attitude that she can do whatever she wants. If a friend is separated she will prattle on about running into their spouse and how great he's doing. If a friend has distanced from another she will make sure to guilt trip and will be the first to say "You know....Larla has cancer now, you should really reach out to her and get over whatever made you upset." Often these people play dumb and can dish it, but cannot take it. if my mom hears anyone say anything nice about someone she thinks wronged her, my mother loses it-even if she just overhears a conversation.

Basic courtesy is not complicated. It's not like OP wants to gossip and trash talk. She simply wants to have a distant and polite relationship and not hear about them between visits. On the spectrum of requests that is so minor.

[Anonymous]

I'd be direct and tell her that when you shared what you shared- it's not so that she would try to change your mind or erase history. That you seriously would love NEVER to hear about them again. Say this every time.