Surprise 4th baby

[Anonymous]

4 is becoming almost common in our neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw I totally get having mixed feelings. How old are your other kids?

When the new baby arrives they'll be 7, 4, and 2.

Your 4th will actually be a great addition with these ages. 4 is hardly noticeable when you've managed 3. When you see your baby, you'll realize your life is now perfect again and wonder why you stressed. Congratulations. Enjoy the ride.

No one’s life is perfect. What a juvenile outlook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

[Anonymous]

You guys are great at making lemonaid.

[Anonymous]

A close friend has 4 kids. After their second was born they weren't sure whether to have a third. She got surprise pregnant with twins and ended up with 3 under 2. She was terrified, but the youngest is 10 now and loves her chaotic family of 6. I think with 4 kids you have to have a level of acceptance that life is going to be a circus a lot of the time. If you can learn to go with the flow as much as possible, I think it can be a lot of fun. I always think of how much fun it will be someday when the kids grow up and have their own families and get together for holidays.

[Anonymous]

You had unprotected sex so how is pregnancy a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had unprotected sex so how is pregnancy a surprise?

OP said " despite birth.control..."

OP, humans are resilient, and you adjust. What seems atypical becomes typical. Start 529 accounts or some type of college savings account early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

Would you say this to a couple who both worked busy, FT jobs but had only 2 kids, or do you just like to be critical of large families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

Wait until life happens to you and you’re suddenly spread thin, then talk. An unexpected illness, job loss, struggle. I’m not an advocate for big families but this comment suggests you have an unrealistic view of how much you can control in life.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! I had a surprise fifth. He is a joy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

Wait until life happens to you and you’re suddenly spread thin, then talk. An unexpected illness, job loss, struggle. I’m not an advocate for big families but this comment suggests you have an unrealistic view of how much you can control in life.

You can control how many kids you have.

Sick of you idiots acting like it's impossible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

Wait until life happens to you and you’re suddenly spread thin, then talk. An unexpected illness, job loss, struggle. I’m not an advocate for big families but this comment suggests you have an unrealistic view of how much you can control in life.

You can control how many kids you have.

Sick of you idiots acting like it's impossible

Yawn

So sorry your life is so rough that you feel the need to jump on other people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.

I’m sure your kids love that you’re spread thin

Wait until life happens to you and you’re suddenly spread thin, then talk. An unexpected illness, job loss, struggle. I’m not an advocate for big families but this comment suggests you have an unrealistic view of how much you can control in life.

You can control how many kids you have.

Sick of you idiots acting like it's impossible

Yawn

So sorry your life is so rough that you feel the need to jump on other people like this.

I'm sorry you are a mindless breeder who finds getting pregnant so confusing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw I totally get having mixed feelings. How old are your other kids?

When the new baby arrives they'll be 7, 4, and 2.

I have that exact spread of years between my four kids. For me, fourth was easiest baby - I was very experienced - and is a delightful addition to my group. Now that my kids are older - 16-25 - they are all great friends and it truly is a lovely thing to have home be such a lively, warm place. The one piece of advice I have is to remember that each kid is an individual and not just "optimize" by rolling their interests and needs together.

[Anonymous]

I still remember the look on my parent's faces when they found out they were having a surprise 4th. We also had 2 girls and a boy, but with a wider age gap. I was 12 and my siblings were 6 and 4.

The pregnancy ended up being harder on my mom than the others. She was 40/41 and struggled. Then she got hit with really bad post partum depression after the baby was born. That was all really hard for all of us. PPD wasn't well known or respected back then and resulted in a lot of family trauma.

The depression eventually got better and things were fine for a large chunk of time. Really busy and chaotic, but okay. My dad was largely checked out and always at work and my mom was a very stretched SAHM who did absolutely everything for 4 kids and to maintain the house.

Things got hard again when the third was getting close to college and then left for college. My parents were just over being parents and my youngest sister was largely left to fend for herself. They just didn't want to do it anymore. It was a really tough stretch of teenage years for my sister. She spent a lot of it feeling very unwanted and unloved and angry.

We're adults now and as siblings we aren't close. There's a lot of trauma from how things were in our house growing up. My parents didn't have it under control and even added to the chaos, so it felt very much like Lord of the Flies. The oldest and youngest siblings are close and the middle two siblings get along, but definitely not all 4 together. We all have tense relationships with our parents.