Surprise 4th baby

[Anonymous]

We always wanted 3 kids and we have 3 kids. I was 100% satisfied. My life plan was playing out exactly as envisioned, and I even got the exact gender combo I'd hoped for (2 girls, 1 boy) and truly my dream family. Despite birth control, I am now... somehow pregnant. Statistically, this is extremely unlikely, improbable really, yet here we are. Confirmed on an ultrasound and everything. I am in shock. Husband is excited and thinks a 4th will be great. He hopes it's another boy so we'll have 2 of each. The kids have also talked about wanting another sibling, but I am just in complete shock. This does not even feel real. Can people with surprise babies, especially surprise 4th babies, share any advice or anecdotes to help me process this?

[Anonymous]

4 is easier than 3.

[Anonymous]

4 is not easier than 3.

If you dont live in a red state, abortion is still an option.

[Anonymous]

I’m kid number 4 so I’m a little biased, but it was great. I love our family size. Now that I have small kids 4 seems like a lot of work, but I love the dedication and family/kid-centric aspect that 4 kids brings. You often center around kids (but don’t have to) because you’re outnumbered. Friends loved coming to our house growing up. I love having my siblings to counsel on health things with myself or our parents, and love that they’re there for me for all of life’s milestones. And kid number 3 is one of my best friends. So all in all, only positives on my end.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Guys, I did not ask about abortion, but perspectives on surprise babies or having 4 kids to help me process things. Please don't derail this into an abortion debate.

[Anonymous]

I could not handle a fourth due to personality and bandwidth, but I think that your post is putting a little bit too much stock in the idea of your life plan playing out perfectly until now. Nobody's "life plan" plays out perfectly - it wouldn't have been a tragedy if you had 2 boys and a girl before this, for example - and the idea that you didn't plan for this doesn't mean it's a nonstarter or necessarily bad news.

[Anonymous]

This comes up more than you'd think:

Surprise 4th pregnancy
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1146999.page

unplanned pregnancy - fourth kid potentially - impact on marriage/relationship
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/793121.page

4th pregnancy and scarily depressed/anxious
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/635858.page

There's also a ton of threads on trying to decide whether to have a 4th.

[Anonymous]

I had a surprise 5th at 44. He’s a cutie. It of course happened within weeks of purging all my baby stuff.
It’s helpful to find other moms who have a bunch of kids because others can be unsympathetic bordering on disdainful. I wouldn’t ever change it.

[Anonymous]

Aw I totally get having mixed feelings. How old are your other kids?

[Anonymous]

I’m 2 of 4 and #4 was a surprise. He’s everyone’s favorite (he’s 32 now).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw I totally get having mixed feelings. How old are your other kids?

When the new baby arrives they'll be 7, 4, and 2.

[Anonymous]

We're a family of 6.

Love the organized chaos even now that they're tweens and teens and, obviously self sufficient and independent.

Its expensive though. Very much so.

Fwiw, we're struggling to pay for college for my oldest despite 529s. We could only put X amount between the 529s + retirement + pay for household expenses over the years.

Ymmv.

[Anonymous]

My semi-surprise 4th is 5 months old, and I am so glad he is part of our family. I say semi because I had a surprise pregnancy that ended in miscarriage about 6 months prior to becoming pregnant with this baby. After a few months really thinking about it, we decided to try for the 4th, and he’s here! Even though we did decide to go for a 4th, it still felt surreal my whole pregnancy. I really thought we were done.

There is a 5-year gap between my 3rd and 4th (first 3 were close in age). I know it could create challenges down the road, but it is also awesome watching my older ones dote on him and develop a relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Which birth control method failed you op?

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids by choice. It’s great and really really hard. You’ll learn to adjust, be spread thin, and experience the love and stress of a big family. I’ve found that we get invited to stuff less now-having a family of 4 over is different from hosting a family of 6.