Do toxic people know they're toxic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is toxic in their own unique way.

The ones who deny that are the ones you speak of.

This 100%. To all the PPs for instance, just listen to yourselves. None of you sound like them most gracious people in the world. Workplaces in particular bring out the worst in people. I work for a woman who was a strong supervisor and a major advocate for all her direct reports. Then she was overlooked for a well-deserved promotion in favor of a far less-qualified man, and she became more like the OP described. Many would now describe her as "toxic," but what about the "toxic" situation that put her there? I try to just separate people from their work lives and give most people grace.

Being rude, coarse, wrong, or even a flat out jerk, once, doesn't make someone "toxic". But staying in a dynamic where you're burned out, overlooked, abused, etc. and claiming zero responsibility for how that environment leads you to behave is 100% toxic. I'm sure all toxic people have a backstory/excuse, just like all toxic people have a choice.

Grace is for the occasional "life happens" honest mistake, not someone's habitual bad behavior.

This. And PP's example is actually a prime example of toxic personality, because her toxic behavior is premised on the idea that she is "owed" due to something unfair happening to her in the past, but the people who suffer had nothing to do with that unfairness AND she's in a position of power over them. So she's got a captive audience and is just forcing them to accommodate her bruised ego because once, years ago, some other people passed her over for a promotion.

This is like 90% of all toxic bosses. Their subordinates aren't people to them, but a way to work out their mental health problems without consequence. Definition of toxic.