Child expenses argument

[Anonymous]

I think your camp budget can be cut. We do a mix of cheaper camps and specialty camps. Every week of summer doesn’t have to be some sort of amazing camp. But not much to cut in afterschool care until you are fine with your older one coming home. We cut aftercare for my kids once they hit 5th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a jerk. You make over six.figures and he expects you to magically provide all.the childcare as well? How's that remotely possible?

+1. And magically pull college savings out of her a$$ too. I feel for OP because my husband is the same. Makes great money but is a stingy a-hole who never contributed a dime to 529’s for our kids, because they have to figure out college themselves.

[Anonymous]

I would take 72K out of the bank account sitting with 300K and put 36K in each kid's 529. Start putting in around 12K for older kid and 8K a year for younger kid for college. The money grows tax free and is tax free upon withdrawl as long as its used for education expenses.

Are you maxing out your retirement accounts?

You are really lucky not to have a mortgage. Does that mean you also don't have rent?

[Anonymous]

You could easily spend 400K on a single kid's private education if you go that route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a jerk. You make over six.figures and he expects you to magically provide all.the childcare as well? How's that remotely possible?

+1. And magically pull college savings out of her a$$ too. I feel for OP because my husband is the same. Makes great money but is a stingy a-hole who never contributed a dime to 529’s for our kids, because they have to figure out college themselves.

If he’s paying everything else, you can put the money in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For 2 kids, after school cars are around $14k. For 2 kids, summer camps for 8-9 weeks are $11k to $14k, and that includes specialty camps (art, dance and sports) and a week of sleepaway camp.

DH works from home M-F, and I work at home for 2 days a week. He grew up with zero after school care and zero summer camps, and so did I. He thinks kids do not need any after school cares, and they can do with either zero or cheap summer day camps. He does not understand why our kids cannot just stay home doing their own things/entertaining themselves without screentime after school or at summertime. I personally do not want to take care of kids while working at home. I also do not want to worry about kids at office when they stay home with DH. I know that DH will not take care of them, and kids may fight together or spend too much time on screentime.

I don't understand if we can afford, why we can't send our kids to better summer camps that they would enjoy. If I send them to cheaper summer camps, I know some families can pull off with $4k-$6k for 2 kids. Those are basic daycare with some activities.

Skip the after-school. Tell DH he needs to manage the kids after school since he works from home. If they do screen time, so be it. Not as big deal as you think (Parent of 2 kids that did close to zero after-school, no restrictions on screen time, now at T20 schools). Summer is more of a PIA and you need to keep them busy. See if you can ship them off to grandparents or pool with other families to take turns caring. Won't eliminate the cost, but at least reduce some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your camp budget can be cut. We do a mix of cheaper camps and specialty camps. Every week of summer doesn’t have to be some sort of amazing camp. But not much to cut in afterschool care until you are fine with your older one coming home. We cut aftercare for my kids once they hit 5th grade.

I agree with cutting aftercare around 5th or 6th grade, especially if you have an older child who you can trust. We have three and wouldn’t stop until our youngest is 11/12 but at that point we will also have a 14 year old and a 16 year old. I am a big believer in not trying to work and provide childcare simultaneously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a jerk. You make over six.figures and he expects you to magically provide all.the childcare as well? How's that remotely possible?

+1. And magically pull college savings out of her a$$ too. I feel for OP because my husband is the same. Makes great money but is a stingy a-hole who never contributed a dime to 529’s for our kids, because they have to figure out college themselves.

These husbands sound insufferable. I can’t imagine making enough to contribute something to my child’s 529 and contributing nothing or not being able to see the value of my children having enrichment and socialization and adult supervision over the summer and after school.

OP- Please don’t blindly believe your spouse on this stuff. He clearly has a very limited view of this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH earns $170k, and I earn $130k. I am the primary caregiver of 2 ES kids. We spend like $25k to $28k in after school cares and summer camps every year for 2 kids. Is that too much money on children? We are debt free with no mortgage and no loans. We are in mid 40s with $450k 401k, IRA/Stock $300k, bank savings 300k( not sure what to do), zero 502. DH now says worrying about college funds and retirement. It was his idea not to save any on 502 because he told me that they could get student loans. Now, he blames me.

Normal for this area.
He does not have a frame of reference.

Ways to cut back include County or YMCA camps, as well as taking a week off from work for a staycation (having fun locally: like

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/watermine)

Water balloons, BBQ’s, scavenger hunts, playing in streams, museums, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a jerk. You make over six.figures and he expects you to magically provide all.the childcare as well? How's that remotely possible?

+1. And magically pull college savings out of her a$$ too. I feel for OP because my husband is the same. Makes great money but is a stingy a-hole who never contributed a dime to 529’s for our kids, because they have to figure out college themselves.

Mine is the same. Thinks some magic future liquidity event will pay for college and we don't need to save. Will most likely be retired when they are in college. So, I contribute directly from my paycheck to the kids' 529 plans.

[Anonymous]

No one is getting student loans moving forward
Didn’t you read the GOPS plan??

[Anonymous]

I would cut back on specialty camp and sleepaway. My kid is having a great time at the no frills camp down the road...more so than the specialty camps she's done.

Can you cut back aftercare to 3x a week...and the kids veg in front of the TV for 2 hours on those days.

Your savings seem on the lower side for your income. Where else is your money going?

If your husband is going to be a cheap skate, I'd look into dual enrollment to community college for their last 2 years of high school. And yes, figure out how to put some funds in 529s...

[Anonymous]

No after-school care for us. If a parent works from home, a 6 year old and a 9 year old can play or read books after school. It's already 3:30 by the time they get home. Whats a couple of hours of reading, playing and some TV( and you can select some educational cartoons) before you get off work.

For summer, we do summer swim and the cheap school camp. You can add an online Math class ( my rising 5th grader is doing an online Math competition because I couldn't drop her off with work schedule).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. How much is needed in 529 for a kid to attend college for 4 year colleges?

Do not kill your money in 529.

[Anonymous]

With no mortgage you could probably save their entire college tuitions in like 3-4 years.