Child expenses argument

[Anonymous]

DH earns $170k, and I earn $130k. I am the primary caregiver of 2 ES kids. We spend like $25k to $28k in after school cares and summer camps every year for 2 kids. Is that too much money on children? We are debt free with no mortgage and no loans. We are in mid 40s with $450k 401k, IRA/Stock $300k, bank savings 300k( not sure what to do), zero 502. DH now says worrying about college funds and retirement. It was his idea not to save any on 502 because he told me that they could get student loans. Now, he blames me.

[Anonymous]

Spend less. Child care is a need, not want. You earn plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH earns $170k, and I earn $130k. I am the primary caregiver of 2 ES kids. We spend like $25k to $28k in after school cares and summer camps every year for 2 kids. Is that too much money on children? We are debt free with no mortgage and no loans. We are in mid 40s with $450k 401k, IRA/Stock $300k, bank savings 300k( not sure what to do), zero 502. DH now says worrying about college funds and retirement. It was his idea not to save any on 502 because he told me that they could get student loans. Now, he blames me.

I meant 529 (not 502)

[Anonymous]

You and DH need to come to an agreement about how much aftercare costs, and how much you're willing to spend beyond that on camps.

But really you and DH need to agree on an entire household budget - groceries, entertainment, bills, vacations, savings, clothes, camps, gifts, etc.

[Anonymous]

I mean, assuming your child care is at your school (which may not be the case) it’s not really something you are likely to bargain shop for with any success. If you are doing very expensive specialty/ sleep away camps, consider cutting back there slightly if you want.

But childcare costs money and is not really optional so perhaps ask him how he would like to save money? Is his plan that you will somehow watch the children and also work full time? Definitely don’t agree to that, it’s not fair to your kids or you.

I am also curious if he finds any of this childcare himself or has any idea how much child care costs. If he has specific concerns like. “ can we keep Larla in her regular day camp all summer instead of 4 weeks at equestrian camp which costs 3x as much” that’s a valid, informed opinion and you can have a conversation. If it’s just a complaint about something you are handling, I would ask him what alternative child care solutions he has in mind and refuse to discuss until he has something useful to say.

[Anonymous]

Well, has he done a bunch of research and come up with a written idea of where kids go to camp and where and how much it costs? Does he plan to set his alarm for the 6am registration some camps require?

He may be correct that this is high, but it really depends on what your realistic options are. Does he have some realistic options in mind?

[Anonymous]

So you spend an average of $2300/month for two elementary kids? Yeah, that’s a lot.

You have good savings. I would make sure you have 12 months of an emergency fund and then invest the rest. And yeah, you need to start putting money in 529s.

Also, what do you guys do that you don’t get paid more?

[Anonymous]

OP here. For 2 kids, after school cars are around $14k. For 2 kids, summer camps for 8-9 weeks are $11k to $14k, and that includes specialty camps (art, dance and sports) and a week of sleepaway camp.

DH works from home M-F, and I work at home for 2 days a week. He grew up with zero after school care and zero summer camps, and so did I. He thinks kids do not need any after school cares, and they can do with either zero or cheap summer day camps. He does not understand why our kids cannot just stay home doing their own things/entertaining themselves without screentime after school or at summertime. I personally do not want to take care of kids while working at home. I also do not want to worry about kids at office when they stay home with DH. I know that DH will not take care of them, and kids may fight together or spend too much time on screentime.

I don't understand if we can afford, why we can't send our kids to better summer camps that they would enjoy. If I send them to cheaper summer camps, I know some families can pull off with $4k-$6k for 2 kids. Those are basic daycare with some activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you spend an average of $2300/month for two elementary kids? Yeah, that’s a lot.

You have good savings. I would make sure you have 12 months of an emergency fund and then invest the rest. And yeah, you need to start putting money in 529s.

Also, what do you guys do that you don’t get paid more?

OP here. I feel more worrying and uncertainty under Trump rule these coming few years, so I don't know what to invest. Stock market has been rumored to be crashed one day. Where to invest?

It was DH's ideas not to do any for 529 for our 2 children. What are 529 rule for MD now? What happens to MD 529 if kids do not go to any colleges in MD?

I don't know how much we need for retirement if we are in mid-40s. Our current jobs are stable. If we change job, we may earn a lot more. I don't trust current job market since I hear of many stories. I have no desire to change my job, so does DH.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a jerk. You make over six.figures and he expects you to magically provide all.the childcare as well? How's that remotely possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For 2 kids, after school cars are around $14k. For 2 kids, summer camps for 8-9 weeks are $11k to $14k, and that includes specialty camps (art, dance and sports) and a week of sleepaway camp.

DH works from home M-F, and I work at home for 2 days a week. He grew up with zero after school care and zero summer camps, and so did I. He thinks kids do not need any after school cares, and they can do with either zero or cheap summer day camps. He does not understand why our kids cannot just stay home doing their own things/entertaining themselves without screentime after school or at summertime. I personally do not want to take care of kids while working at home. I also do not want to worry about kids at office when they stay home with DH. I know that DH will not take care of them, and kids may fight together or spend too much time on screentime.

I don't understand if we can afford, why we can't send our kids to better summer camps that they would enjoy. If I send them to cheaper summer camps, I know some families can pull off with $4k-$6k for 2 kids. Those are basic daycare with some activities.

Can you find cheaper camps? Can he watch him after school? Not a big deal to have an hour of screen time after school so dad can work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For 2 kids, after school cars are around $14k. For 2 kids, summer camps for 8-9 weeks are $11k to $14k, and that includes specialty camps (art, dance and sports) and a week of sleepaway camp.

DH works from home M-F, and I work at home for 2 days a week. He grew up with zero after school care and zero summer camps, and so did I. He thinks kids do not need any after school cares, and they can do with either zero or cheap summer day camps. He does not understand why our kids cannot just stay home doing their own things/entertaining themselves without screentime after school or at summertime. I personally do not want to take care of kids while working at home. I also do not want to worry about kids at office when they stay home with DH. I know that DH will not take care of them, and kids may fight together or spend too much time on screentime.

I don't understand if we can afford, why we can't send our kids to better summer camps that they would enjoy. If I send them to cheaper summer camps, I know some families can pull off with $4k-$6k for 2 kids. Those are basic daycare with some activities.

We have a 7 figure HHI and do a mix of specialty camps and regular, rec department, day camps. I don't think that there is anything wrong with the lower cost camps. My kids enjoy them. Can you limit to just 1 week of specialty camp a summer? That could save a couple thousand dollars, and in the long run your kids will benefit way more from fewer student loans than an extra week of soccer camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you spend an average of $2300/month for two elementary kids? Yeah, that’s a lot.

You have good savings. I would make sure you have 12 months of an emergency fund and then invest the rest. And yeah, you need to start putting money in 529s.

Also, what do you guys do that you don’t get paid more?

OP here. I feel more worrying and uncertainty under Trump rule these coming few years, so I don't know what to invest. Stock market has been rumored to be crashed one day. Where to invest?

It was DH's ideas not to do any for 529 for our 2 children. What are 529 rule for MD now? What happens to MD 529 if kids do not go to any colleges in MD?

I don't know how much we need for retirement if we are in mid-40s. Our current jobs are stable. If we change job, we may earn a lot more. I don't trust current job market since I hear of many stories. I have no desire to change my job, so does DH.

You need to do more basic research. There’s nothing that says you have to use 529s for in-state. And there’s plenty of info out there on low risk investing.

I know you aren’t originally born here, but there’s plenty of information out there.

And no job is stable.

[Anonymous]

Why would you intentionally saddle your kids with student loan debt?

[Anonymous]

Yes, your costs are on the higher end of aftercare/camps. If it means you don’t have leftover money for savings, then you should cut back.

On the other hand, it depends how old your kids are. Working from home with a 6 year old is different than working from home with an 11 year old. And as they age, you can divert the aftercare money to 529s.