Just hosted a bummer of a barbecue

[Anonymous]

Aww don’t be so tough on yourself OP.

Though maybe next time refrain from drinking too much, that might have weirded out your guests.

But you are human after all.
Sorry things were a bummer - - at least the kids played together + had fun!! 🤩

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re being way too hard on yourself. You invited people over, you did the thing. I promise you it wasn’t as bad as you’re thinking. Even if it was, so what? Failure is to be expected anytime we grow and push ourselves. Be sad tonight, but wake up fresh to start a new day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, trust me—your BBQ was just fine. Thank you for hosting! People are often so self-conscious and nervous about hosting that most of your guests were probably in awe that you pulled it off at all.

I've been married for 35 years, and I'm now considered an excellent hostess. That said, I still get stressed when I host. Over the years, I've learned a lot from the many less-than-perfect parties (IMO) I've thrown. The good news? No one remembers the “bummer” ones.

After decades of hosting, I’ve picked up a few tricks I’d love to share with you:
I keep an Excel file to track each party I host. I note:
- Guest list: Who was invited, who declined, who accepted but didn’t show.
- Menu: What I made, what I bought, quantities, what was popular, and what wasn’t a hit.
- Invite: How far in advance I invited guests. Did I call them? Text them? Use an E-Vite? I also note whether I sent a reminder with details like the address and time of the party.

This helps me plan better for future gatherings—what worked, what didn’t, and who really loves that one dish I always forget about until it’s too late! You did great. Hosting takes courage and practice. Every event is a step closer to effortless entertaining. Keep going—you’re already ahead of the game just by trying.

I’m pp reading the thread and think this is great. When you have data, you make up fewer stories. Oh, I keep getting more yays when I invite the week of, etc.

[Anonymous]

They might be boring. Not all guests are good at connecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time, don’t drink so much and blab.

Eh, to each their own. As a neighbor/guest I would think she’s a fun and laid-back hostess. I get enough of uptight people at work.

[Anonymous]

I sincerely doubt it was as bad as you think. You might be overthinking especially if you had a little too much to drink.

Also, it isn’t your responsibility as host to carry or manage the whole conversation!

It could be the guests sensed the party was coming to a close, so might have stopped over at another guest’s house for a nightcap before heading home. Or it could always be something as simple as “oh, why don’t you stop by quickly to grab that item you wanted to borrow, or quickly see the new bathroom remodel that we were just talking about at the party” (something impromptu like that) and then they got to talking and stayed for a bit. Something like that would make total sense actually.

[Anonymous]

It’s also HOT. Were you all sitting outside?

It’s nice that you hosted, and sometimes things click and sometimes they don’t, through no fault of yours. You can try again another time make sure your guests drink more than you do!). Your house is not dumpy—it’s cozy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is making adult friends hard. SO HARD. So awkward and alienating.

It's true.

[Anonymous]

Good for you that you made an effort, OP. I honestly get so anxious about hosting that I just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good on you for trying 👍

+1 Like this hasn’t ever happened to anyone before. Maybe she should have brought out the weed like Poindexter did in Revenge of the Nerds.

[Anonymous]

I bet it was fine!! It’s super hot out and some parents are tired from being out at swim meets or baseball games all day. I get bitten by bugs when nobody else does. It can be so many factors that aren’t in your control.

Don’t beat yourself up, please. It’s so nice of you to host!

[Anonymous]

I sometimes get the same feeling, Op, and it’s hard for me to get up the nerve to host again. Most times things have been off it’s because it was just too hot or the combination of guests was off. You can’t help the latter, because sometimes you’ll get just the wrong mix of yes and no responses and end up with a weird assortment of guests that don’t quite work. My DH is also very awkward to the point of being rude, so if it’s a smaller group or people who don’t know him really, really well, his energy can taint an evening.

But you have to just get back on the bike so to speak. Good for you for hosting!

[Anonymous]

I went to a 4th of July bbq and it was a bit awkward and didn’t really come off. The hosts are great and very well liked. It was hot and the mix of people didn’t blend perfectly. But it was really because it was hot.

The hosts are still great. I appreciated the invite. I’m glad I went and we had some good conversations. I met some nice people. I would definitely go again.

Even if it wasn’t the best thing you’ve hosted ever, it’s worthwhile. No doubt people got positive things from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invited some new neighborhood-parent friends over, and everyone left by 8:15pm. Stilted conversation. I drank too much and blabbed about idiotic things to keep the conversation alive. My house is dumpy and I'm dumpy and I feel like a lump of nothing. Kids played but the adults all talked to one another while I tried to keep up and failed and I can see into the yard of one of the family's houses and it looks like a couple of the families just headed over there.

Define this

[Anonymous]

The trouble with neighbors is they aren't of your choosing. They talk about siding. Or the horrific tragic headline in the news that day - not party, lively up-beat conversation.