Just hosted a bummer of a barbecue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invited some new neighborhood-parent friends over, and everyone left by 8:15pm. Stilted conversation. I drank too much and blabbed about idiotic things to keep the conversation alive. My house is dumpy and I'm dumpy and I feel like a lump of nothing. Kids played but the adults all talked to one another while I tried to keep up and failed and I can see into the yard of one of the family's houses and it looks like a couple of the families just headed over there.

I read this exact novel last summer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invited some new neighborhood-parent friends over, and everyone left by 8:15pm. Stilted conversation. I drank too much and blabbed about idiotic things to keep the conversation alive. My house is dumpy and I'm dumpy and I feel like a lump of nothing. Kids played but the adults all talked to one another while I tried to keep up and failed and I can see into the yard of one of the family's houses and it looks like a couple of the families just headed over there.

I read this exact novel last summer!

Wrong thread

[Anonymous]

You tried and that effort matters a lot. Barely anyone tries.

I wouldn't be offended that a pair ended up in another yard. They probably sensed your party was winding down and wanted to continue a conversation or show someone something at their house and kept talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tried and that effort matters a lot. Barely anyone tries.

I wouldn't be offended that a pair ended up in another yard. They probably sensed your party was winding down and wanted to continue a conversation or show someone something at their house and kept talking.

OP I urge you to read this carefully. This poster nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Hosting is hard. People probably had a better time than you think.

[Anonymous]

OP, trust me—your BBQ was just fine. Thank you for hosting! People are often so self-conscious and nervous about hosting that most of your guests were probably in awe that you pulled it off at all.

I've been married for 35 years, and I'm now considered an excellent hostess. That said, I still get stressed when I host. Over the years, I've learned a lot from the many less-than-perfect parties (IMO) I've thrown. The good news? No one remembers the “bummer” ones.

After decades of hosting, I’ve picked up a few tricks I’d love to share with you:
I keep an Excel file to track each party I host. I note:
- Guest list: Who was invited, who declined, who accepted but didn’t show.
- Menu: What I made, what I bought, quantities, what was popular, and what wasn’t a hit.
- Invite: How far in advance I invited guests. Did I call them? Text them? Use an E-Vite? I also note whether I sent a reminder with details like the address and time of the party.

This helps me plan better for future gatherings—what worked, what didn’t, and who really loves that one dish I always forget about until it’s too late! You did great. Hosting takes courage and practice. Every event is a step closer to effortless entertaining. Keep going—you’re already ahead of the game just by trying.

[Anonymous]

I would have been drinking with you. I'm a good drunk.

[Anonymous]

OP it probably went better than you thought! If you were hosting, it's fine if you couldn't participate in conversations 100 percent. We recently had a BBQ that I thought went very well and I was happy that kids were playing and adults (combining a few groups of our friends) got a long and talked. DH and I were in and out of convos as we were managing food and logistics.

When did the BBQ start and how old are kids? I have a preschooler and we rarely stay at things past 8 (usually leave well before that). I can see others not wanting to overstay, even if they continued chatting elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Seriously! Good on you for creating a get together.

Just try to get out of your own head. No one is thinking about your gathering negatively.

I agree this is a great start. Maybe sometime invite just 2 families over or to meet out so your conversations can run deeper?

Really great you got people out of their homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good on you for trying 👍

Agree! Many of us are too intimidated to host.

That's right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time, don’t drink so much and blab.

+1 Next time, come up with conversation starters before hand. I'm not great at socializing, so I pick a couple of topics and hope that it goes from there.

It also depends on the mix of people. Some people just naturally jive together well, others don't, even if they are all nice people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invited some new neighborhood-parent friends over, and everyone left by 8:15pm. Stilted conversation. I drank too much and blabbed about idiotic things to keep the conversation alive. My house is dumpy and I'm dumpy and I feel like a lump of nothing. Kids played but the adults all talked to one another while I tried to keep up and failed and I can see into the yard of one of the family's houses and it looks like a couple of the families just headed over there.

Drink less next time so you can keep up better.

But don't stress too much about it. You did fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, trust me—your BBQ was just fine. Thank you for hosting! People are often so self-conscious and nervous about hosting that most of your guests were probably in awe that you pulled it off at all.

I've been married for 35 years, and I'm now considered an excellent hostess. That said, I still get stressed when I host. Over the years, I've learned a lot from the many less-than-perfect parties (IMO) I've thrown. The good news? No one remembers the “bummer” ones.

After decades of hosting, I’ve picked up a few tricks I’d love to share with you:
I keep an Excel file to track each party I host. I note:
- Guest list: Who was invited, who declined, who accepted but didn’t show.
- Menu: What I made, what I bought, quantities, what was popular, and what wasn’t a hit.
- Invite: How far in advance I invited guests. Did I call them? Text them? Use an E-Vite? I also note whether I sent a reminder with details like the address and time of the party.

This helps me plan better for future gatherings—what worked, what didn’t, and who really loves that one dish I always forget about until it’s too late! You did great. Hosting takes courage and practice. Every event is a step closer to effortless entertaining. Keep going—you’re already ahead of the game just by trying.

My OCD/autism loves this, but... do you have fun at parties? This sounds competitive... or even compulsive. And I'm a person who REALLY likes organizing things.

[Anonymous]

I hosted one last week that seemed not so great. It was a bit warmer than expected, and I learned afterwards the other families had some pressing stuff going on the next day.

They were happy to come and not have to host anything, but happy to be off to tend to other stuff as well.

[Anonymous]

It’s not all on you. The guests should be able to create and maintain conversations, too. Don’t take full blame. Good that you put the effort into this. Many don’t.