What do you say to someone who asks about how much money you have saved for retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DHs family shares this kind of info and it drives me nuts. When one of them asks me anything I just make sh!t up.

The problem with lying is that people repeat the lies as gossip. Then people may ask for money.

I’m so glad I’m privileged enough not to have family members asking for money. Who does this?

You are lucky you are not related to any poors. They are needy.

I actually have some working class cousins but they’d never deign to ask. We live in different worlds and only rarely hear from one another unless it’s a birth or death or a Xmas card. I’m curious how often and what type of asks these needy poor folks make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DHs family shares this kind of info and it drives me nuts. When one of them asks me anything I just make sh!t up.

The problem with lying is that people repeat the lies as gossip. Then people may ask for money.

I’m so glad I’m privileged enough not to have family members asking for money. Who does this?

You are lucky you are not related to any poors. They are needy.

I actually have some working class cousins but they’d never deign to ask. We live in different worlds and only rarely hear from one another unless it’s a birth or death or a Xmas card. I’m curious how often and what type of asks these needy poor folks make?

I'm related to more poor people than not, and none has ever asked anything like this. It is not true that all poor people are constantly hitting up anyone they see as better off for money. Many poor people are much better with money than UMC people, at least as far as budgeting and living within their means (not necessarily investing, etc.).

[Anonymous]

I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DHs family shares this kind of info and it drives me nuts. When one of them asks me anything I just make sh!t up.

The problem with lying is that people repeat the lies as gossip. Then people may ask for money.

I’m so glad I’m privileged enough not to have family members asking for money. Who does this?

You are lucky you are not related to any poors. They are needy.

I actually have some working class cousins but they’d never deign to ask. We live in different worlds and only rarely hear from one another unless it’s a birth or death or a Xmas card. I’m curious how often and what type of asks these needy poor folks make?

I'm related to more poor people than not, and none has ever asked anything like this. It is not true that all poor people are constantly hitting up anyone they see as better off for money. Many poor people are much better with money than UMC people, at least as far as budgeting and living within their means (not necessarily investing, etc.).

PP, and I agree, which is why I’m kind of surprised that this is a thing. What kinds of asks do these folks make and how often are making those requests? If they’re bad with money, then why are the folks receiving these requests enabling it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

.

You’re right but isn’t sharing your personal situation an anecdote rather than good general advice or advice applicable to their personal situation? There is so much good personal finance info out there that I’m surprised that they can’t do some basic internet research to answer the questions themselves.

[Anonymous]

There are so many ways to have fun with someone when you don't want to answer their questions. No need to get all upset about it!

Personally I would never ask, but I don't mind answering. I don't care if my info is spread around. Sometimes I want that. The exact ratio of truth to lies will depend on what the person's intentions are, and how that info will be disseminated

If someone actually needs help with important things in their life that typically are not broached in polite conversations, I do help them out. That's different.

[Anonymous]

“We are doing ok but who knows! How about you?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

.

You’re right but isn’t sharing your personal situation an anecdote rather than good general advice or advice applicable to their personal situation? There is so much good personal finance info out there that I’m surprised that they can’t do some basic internet research to answer the questions themselves.

Exactly. If you’re not getting enough sex you don’t ask other people- how much are you getting? It’s not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

This is not about free discussion of money - it’s about how much you got?

[Anonymous]

It reminds me of my FIL who used to ask everyone and anyone “how much did you pay for that?” Then he would gossip and tell other people how much they spent and judged them accordingly.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a good friend I will talk about money. People are so secretive for no reason. Maybe it’s because I’m an accountant, but I am emotionally detached from the idea of money. It’s a tool, I like to have it, but ultimately it doesn’t define me one way or the other. If I can help someone else plan better for the future I’ll do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

This is not about free discussion of money - it’s about how much you got?

That's why you need to figure out intent. If it's a dick-measuring contest, then respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would talk more freely about money - that would take a lot of the confusion and mystery out of it (like sex).

Agree that you want to know intent before talking. And you don't need to share specifics, If for example it is a friend/colleague who is trying to figure out finances and thinks you are doing okay, you can tell them what you've done to get to where you are, what your portfolio ratios are, how long you've been saving, relay good sources for financial information, etc. You can also relay cautionary tales of what's worked, what hasn't. Maybe couch them as "this happened to a friend or family member." Or say "I think $x is a good amount to have at retirement, because I think that will cover my expenses given the 4 percent rule" as this will covey some of your financial planning thought work.

It's a disservice to society just avoid the topic completely. You can engage without putting yourself or your reputation in danger, and end up helping someone out, and maybe even creating a conversation bond. Given the activity of this forum we are all seeking places where we can safely discuss money issues!

This is not about free discussion of money - it’s about how much you got?

That's why you need to figure out intent. If it's a dick-measuring contest, then respond accordingly.

“I’m sure you’re wondering, mine’s bigger!” It can apply to both situations.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's odd that you think anyone would ask

[Anonymous]

The conversation about money is important. If someone asked us how much money we have saved for our retirement ...our answer would certainly include things like -

- We hope to continue to age in place for as long as we can. There will be some cost for maintenance and modifications with our present home.
- We are not very sure if social security will remain or be reliable so our calculations does not include it.
- We are worried about healthcare costs. We have disability and long term care insurance. We also wonder about the cost of having a health aide.
- We have to concurrently save for college and other higher education costs for our 2 children.
- We feel that we would like to have at least $175K (pick a number) earnings from interests in present day costs each year once we retire to live comfortably if not lavishly.
- We hope to only have one car, no mortgage, no college costs - once we retire.
- We hope to go on 4 vacations a year, each costing no more than 10K for the two of us. So that is an additional $40K.
- We hope to gift our children $x tax-free every year. That is an additional $y.