What is normal drinking?

[Anonymous]

He’s a partier. And an alcoholic since he doesn’t stop drinking before obvious negative side effects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids and he wants a divorce?! Take him up on it and get out there. He is doing you the biggest favor of your life.

Agree with this. Thank your lucky stars you don’t have kids with him and get out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t say how old he is. You say he has relatives in their 60s who drink like fish, but you don’t say how old he himself is. In any event, depending on how old he is he sounds like fun.

He is 36.

Apparently his doctor told him both his fatty liver and BE are no big deal and he can drink...I don't think the doctor understands how much he drinks!

He did try to be sober for 3 years after his BE diagnosis...but he hated it and has started drinking again starting this January. I don't mean a glass of wine at dinner. In fact, I have never seen him have just 1 glass of wine or beer...ever. 1 turns into a bottle!

And of course, I am his no.1 enemy, the "not fun" wife who is a buzz kill.

I am increasingly concerned for his well being.

We met when we were 22 so...all american friends were drinking. I did not realize...he would not stop as an adult.

He can't possibly be helpful around the house or a pleasant and engaged partner. Are you from a culture where women do everything and the husbands do whatever they want?

OP here. He is not. He wants to divorce me and has been blaming everything on me. Its his reason for drinking and partying.

OP, file for divorce. You can do better. Even being alone would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

New normal is no drinking at all because that's what studies proved.

[Anonymous]

Women should just say no to men who drink and same for men, move on to non-drinkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

New normal is no drinking at all because that's what studies proved.

OK but that's not going to help OP. There's a range between no drinking, occasional alcohol misuse, and alcohol use disorder. It's all pretty well medically defined. Given the man in question has fatty liver disease, we're quite probably talking AUD. Someone who has a glass of wine every night with dinner may not be as healthy as non-drinkers (and I am one), but they're still very far from AUD or even alcohol misuse.

[Anonymous]

That's not normal and is behavior I attribute to my low class, white trash relatives in KY and WV, tbh.

[Anonymous]

You can look up an info graphic on this. Someone put together data using both self-report and aggregate alcohol sales to guess at about how much people are drinking a week. According to that it looks like 50 to 60% of people drink not at all or very little. Another 20% of people drink something between two and 14 drinks a week. 10% of people drink something like 15 to 30 drinks a week. And then the top 10% of people drink about 75 drinks a week. That top 10% of people That are drinking more than 10 drinks a day are the alcoholics. So I can see what you’re asking. Here is “is my husband in that 10% of kind of heavy drinkers that aren’t necessarily alcoholics or is he in that last group of people?“
I don’t know that I would say that his medical diagnoses sound like they’re specifically related to his alcohol use Barrett esophagitis is from reflux. I don’t know about the fatty liver.

I’m kind of curious about how he is functioning. I’m not sure if he meant that once a week he’s staying up late , drinking, and sleeping till noon. Or is this happening every day? Does he have a job? How can he sleep until noon? If he isn’t able to work because of his drinking or because he’s often hung over then that would be more concerning to me than anything else that you’ve said in your post so far necessarily.
You can look up the DSM five criteria on Google for substance use disorder and see where he fits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

Many of my friends I see in AA share stories just like this one. It's not "culture" - it's alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can look up an info graphic on this. Someone put together data using both self-report and aggregate alcohol sales to guess at about how much people are drinking a week. According to that it looks like 50 to 60% of people drink not at all or very little. Another 20% of people drink something between two and 14 drinks a week. 10% of people drink something like 15 to 30 drinks a week. And then the top 10% of people drink about 75 drinks a week. That top 10% of people That are drinking more than 10 drinks a day are the alcoholics. So I can see what you’re asking. Here is “is my husband in that 10% of kind of heavy drinkers that aren’t necessarily alcoholics or is he in that last group of people?“
I don’t know that I would say that his medical diagnoses sound like they’re specifically related to his alcohol use Barrett esophagitis is from reflux. I don’t know about the fatty liver.

I’m kind of curious about how he is functioning. I’m not sure if he meant that once a week he’s staying up late , drinking, and sleeping till noon. Or is this happening every day? Does he have a job? How can he sleep until noon? If he isn’t able to work because of his drinking or because he’s often hung over then that would be more concerning to me than anything else that you’ve said in your post so far necessarily.
You can look up the DSM five criteria on Google for substance use disorder and see where he fits.

So alcohol chemical dependency and alcohol use disorder aren't defined that way.

Alcohol misuse is any binge drinking or heavy drinking (which for men is five or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week)
Alcohol use disorder, which is the current professional phrase for alcoholism, is defined as:

* Mild: 2-3 of the following symptoms
* Moderate: 4-5 of the following symptoms
* Severe: 6 or more of the following symptoms

* Had times when you ended up drinking more, or longer, than you intended?
* More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn't?
* Spent a lot of time drinking, being sick from drinking, or getting over other aftereffects?
* Wanted a drink so badly you couldn't think of anything else?
* Found that drinking—or being sick from drinking—often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems?
* Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends?
* Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink?
* More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or engaging in unsafe sexual behavior)?
* Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had an alcohol-related memory blackout?
* Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before?
* Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, restlessness, nausea, sweating, a racing heart, dysphoria (feeling uneasy or unhappy), malaise (general sense of being unwell), feeling low, or a seizure? Or sensed things that were not there?

I've bolded the ones OP has already indicated are issues, but there are quite probably more. Assuming OP has typed true things, her DH is at a minimum someone with moderate alcohol use disorder.

The withdrawal symptoms in the last bullet on that list may indicate chemical dependence on alcohol, which is probably what you are thinking of PP. But people can have issues with alcohol long before they get there. And if they don't stop, they will get there.

[Anonymous]

Sounds so much like my ILs. I thought they were fun in my 20s. In my 40s….no. And it took forever for DH to see the pitfalls since they normalized this behavior for him in childhood.

Regardless, this isn’t even about your DH’s family. Aside from these parties, your DH is drinking excessively alone. He is misusing alcohol- not even a question. Unfortunately, the whole “fun heavy drinking culture” often contributes to and/or leads to this exact problem.

Check out Alanon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No kids and he wants a divorce?! Take him up on it and get out there. He is doing you the biggest favor of your life.

Agree with this. Thank your lucky stars you don’t have kids with him and get out of there.

+1000

OP this will likely be a lifelong struggle for him. Particularly if he grew up this way and likely has a family history and genetic tendency for alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not come from a culture of drinking and I married an American man who comes from a white catholic family that love to party. The people party into their 60s from what I have seen. Large parties, keg stands and whole weekends related to being hungover and reminiscing the great time that was had.

My husband is similar. He does have a diagnosis of fatty liver disease and non-dysplastic Barrett's esophagus. He recently went to Vegas with a friend for a week and came home with bruises on his body. Is it normal for people to drink so much that you get bruises??

In his normal week, after I go to bed, he will stay up till 4 am and drink a bottle of wine with 4-5 beers. Sometimes 2 bottles of wine. He then sleeps in till noon. When I say this is not okay he says I am just "not fun" and don't understand his culture.

If by "white catholic" you mean Irish, this isn't abnormal, but it's unhealthy af. The culture isn't the stereotype, and the stereotype exists for a reason.

Your husband is an alcoholic. This isn't "normal drinking" for anyone, from any culture, let alone a grown man. This is a problem that is already having health effects. I like PPs suggestion of life insurance and an "upon my death..." binder because yes, your man is heading for an early grave drinking like this.

The best indicator of normal drinking is that someone can take it or leave it and not feel any sort of way about either. Your husband is definitely well beyond that. I hope he finds the help he needs, and you should consider al-anon for yourself. If you stay with him, this is going to be a rocky road

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t say how old he is. You say he has relatives in their 60s who drink like fish, but you don’t say how old he himself is. In any event, depending on how old he is he sounds like fun.

He is 36.

Apparently his doctor told him both his fatty liver and BE are no big deal and he can drink...I don't think the doctor understands how much he drinks!

He did try to be sober for 3 years after his BE diagnosis...but he hated it and has started drinking again starting this January. I don't mean a glass of wine at dinner. In fact, I have never seen him have just 1 glass of wine or beer...ever. 1 turns into a bottle!

And of course, I am his no.1 enemy, the "not fun" wife who is a buzz kill.

I am increasingly concerned for his well being.

We met when we were 22 so...all american friends were drinking. I did not realize...he would not stop as an adult.

Is he holding down a job? Does he drink every night at home, or is he just a weekend warrior with his friends? Do you have kids and if so how is he with them? Does he drink and drive?

Even the "right" answers to these questions wouldn't mean he's not an alcoholic. Plenty of high-functioning alcoholics hold a job, coach kids, and never pick up a DUI. So while PP is right that those things might indicate trouble, the absence of trouble there doesn't at all mean he's fine to keep up his drinking.

https://www.aa.org/self-assessment

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty laid back, but a bottle of wine + 4-5 beers is alcoholism. It would be normal if it was a one off thing, like at a wedding.

I'm female and I often bruise after drinking. I think most women do? I bump into things a lot normally, so when I drink I bump into even more things and don't notice as much. Not sure on what's normal for men.