Did you keep doing the family beach trip after kids

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you all for validating my concerns! Honestly, it’s hard and I’m a little sad that the dynamic has changed too. But it’s way past time for a change. We stay somewhere in SC between Myrtle and Charleston and the place where we stay has changed a lot itself the last 5 years and is ironically becoming more of a place for permanent residences and second homes then rentals, too. Which is why there’s so few rentals at the 4th. It’s also my favorite place on earth, hints the emotional attachment. I grew up in the Carolinas as well and have friends down there

But a part of me does want my kids to have happy memories of their beach trips instead of it feeling as cramped as it does now. And ironically I kind of want us to not do the exact same week each year in case one of them wants to do summer camp at that time, ect. Would rather go in August, personally when it’s less crowded down there since they’ll be growing up in DC with school starting after Labor Day and work less busy for us.

[Anonymous]

Also with the bunk bed thing, our sleeping arrangements are messy because one of my cousins has severe autism and my grandma is still living - just realized that I accidentally mentioned that they both passed. Step grandpa passed a decade ago and grandma is still living, but doesn’t pay for trip!

My kids sleep in pack in plays in my parents room. Yes it’s messy lol.

Ironically, since my kids are the first babies in a long time, my relatives LOVE helping out with them.

[Anonymous]

No. We stopped when our oldest was kindergarten age; we’d spend one week with my ILs and a second week with my parents and family. It got to be too much - plus we were all local.

I never liked the rentals my ILs selected - always too far from the beach and too cramped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family has done a beach trip for 30 years to the same beach every summer for the 4th . As we’ve gotten older and grandparents have passed, our parents have started paying for it instead but the house we rent costs $15k a week which to me sounds insane for a beach house in the Carolinas. In real life, I’m not super close to these relatives , but we see them this week but honestly it feels like everyone argues the whole trip, and the house is way too small for people and their partners.

This was a really fun tradition when I was young, but my DH and I live in DC now with our two young kids and the trip is miserable. Due to spacing, my husband and I have to sleep in bunk beds in a separate room from one another and our kids on air mattresses in the den , aka no one sleeps the whole week, and it’s a terrible time for both of our jobs since the end of the quarter is crazy for us. So we end up on the phone for most of the trip relying on relatives to watch our kids, But we’ve gone every year because it’s tradition but honestly I’m ready for our own family (and my parents and brother) to do our own thing. I have several cousins that feel the same but I’m the first to have kids / my kids are the only kids. Money isn’t an issue with us finding our own accommodations, it’s the fact that there is nowhere else for us to stay nearby.
The house also has a staircase that is really dangerous for young kids and while it’s gated off people forget to close the gate constantly

I’m in between a rock and a hard place because we don’t pay for this trip, but it’s a HUGE commitment for us regarding taking time off work as the quarter is closing and the 10+ hour drive both ways and everyone’s on edge the whole time, not just my husband and I. Money isn’t an issue for myself or my parents but really wish my family did a trip with just us the way DHs does - so much more enjoyable and less stressful and my parents paying 5k for a trip where we work most of the time seems so impractical. How would you approach this conversation with your parents about how something needs to change? Just don’t want to disappoint anyone but things evolve as we grow up!

There was some excellent advice here.

If you need updates to your situation make them clear to your mom and go for it.

If your mom pouts and gets upset you can feel bad about it, but don’t budge.

If a cousin decides to do what you want to do now your mom will accept it. She has to accept it from you first.

[Anonymous]

Now is the time to add a hotel to the vacation housing mix. You can use it as a quiet place to work. Kids can “sleep over” with grandparents. You can take turns keeping one child with you etc.

It is a matter of setting expectations for variability in what works for lodging. Once the kids are older, it may be that parents don’t always go.

Don’t throw away a tradition with family in a place you care about without trying to make it work. Cousin relationships are important and rare these days.

And 4th of a July week camp options usually aren’t great.

[Anonymous]

Where is it that it takes 10 hours each way?

[Anonymous]

South Carolina Coast near Charleston

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now is the time to add a hotel to the vacation housing mix. You can use it as a quiet place to work. Kids can “sleep over” with grandparents. You can take turns keeping one child with you etc.

It is a matter of setting expectations for variability in what works for lodging. Once the kids are older, it may be that parents don’t always go.

Don’t throw away a tradition with family in a place you care about without trying to make it work. Cousin relationships are important and rare these days.

And 4th of a July week camp options usually aren’t great.

Just no. This is the type of nonsense people who push you into things will come up with to get you to reverse your no.

1. No you can’t dump your kids on relatives while you remote work from a hotel.
2. The OP has said multiple times that there isn’t a hotel.
3. You might not do it when the kids are older is a passive aggressive push so you should do it now. No you shouldn’t.
4. Cousin relationships are not important, and seldom long lasting.

[Anonymous]

OP, how far away do your parents live from you? I am trying to gauge if this beach vacation is the only time your parents see their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Renting a 15k-a-week house that doesn't have enough room for everyone is INSANITY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how far away do your parents live from you? I am trying to gauge if this beach vacation is the only time your parents see their grandchildren.

Parents live in the Carolinas as does the whole family but we do see them a good bit. We have a garage basement and they’re retired - and in very good health as is my moms 90 year old mom

[Anonymous]

The whole experience sounds like hell. Your mother will get over it!

[Anonymous]

I am from the Carolinas and there are plenty of beaches where you could get a better arrangement than this.

15k is a LOT for a house that does not comfortably fit everyone. There are plenty of 8 to 12k houses oceanfront at nice beaches that have like 6 to 8 bedrooms.

Also, there are plenty of places where you can rent one to two bedroom condos and every family stay in their own place.

If you can't achieve that at this beach, go to another beach.

Also, let hem know end of the quarter does not work for you. Tho, if you change the dates, you have to go. So, you could just say those dates dont work focus but have fun!

[Anonymous]

Is renting a small rv or camper van an option? You can park in the driveway, be close, but also have your own space.

[Anonymous]

Pp here—your kids could sleep in the bunks and you and DH in the van/RV.