Parents’ social lives after high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

This. I have a couple of really good friends, which I find to be a little unusual at this time in my life. At least for an introvert like me. I'm very grateful. But they weren't mom friends.

The one mom friend who I have tried to keep in contact with doesn't want to do anything other than talk about her kids. And it gets boring, honestly. She doesn't want to go "do" things. Just sit, drink wine, and talk about her kids. But I feel like my life is now opened back up to stuff "I" want to do, not what I was "required" to do as a mom. Hiking, biking, kayaking, travelling, photography, refinishing furniture, and more. I don't expect everyone to share my hobbies, but it's fun hanging out with people who can discuss different stuff they do, and a real plus if they want to go boating on the bay one day soon, join a bootcamp class together, and so on.

I have young kids and this resonates with me. I have a difficult time making friends or connecting with moms of young kids and think this is why. I prefer to focus on hobbies or interests as opposed to my kids. If I go out to dinner I don’t bring up my kids. If someone asks me what I did over the weekend I don’t answer from the perspective of my 6 year old.

[Anonymous]

This just reminds me that people’s friend making and keeping habits are all over the place - and usually tied to a core personality trait, ie being an introvert or extrovert.

What I gather is that some people stay in touch with ES, MS, HS parent friends and others don’t. Some people keep their own friends from every stage of life for a lifetime and others just make new friends with each life stage.

[Anonymous]

Any suggestions for nonprofits to volunteer with that are good for making friends?

[Anonymous]

Go reconnect w your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who made friends with their kids’ friends’ parents:

Did you find this to be an adjustment after your kid went off to college? Parent of rising college sophomore and I feel like we’re still trying to figure out who are long term friends and who were just friends of convenience. No one seems as social anymore. Some are off empty nesting; others focused on younger siblings. All fine and good. I guess I’ll just invite a group over and see who comes. I just don’t want to be that person who keeps inviting people who don’t want to come. Are others experiencing this awkward stage?

Do people get less social with age? I’m worried we’re all turning old and solitary.

Find friends separate from your kid. I still keep in touch with some of the friends that I made while my kids were attending school but, for the most part I made new friends. Start a new activity! There are plenty of meet up groups. You are not destined to be alone

[Anonymous]

IME the friendships premised in kids don't last. They either faded when our kids took different paths (different ECs, sometimes different schools, but even different friend groups within the same school), or they faded when the kids/school/parenting cease to be the main topic of conversation.

My core group of close friends are all people I knew before I had kids. I have made lots of parents friends over the years but I've found these are kind of like work relationships -- they fade to acquaintance level once you are no longer "working" together.

But I also think it's possible to make new friends at any age. I recently developed several friendships via a sports hobby I took up. No idea if those friendship will stand the test of time, but they are nice now and keeping me busy.

[Anonymous]

I lost all the mom friends once the kids moved away. Maybe it was exacerbated by the fact that I’m a single mom and most were married so did couple things outside of school - but I made new friends once my kids moved away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

This. I have a couple of really good friends, which I find to be a little unusual at this time in my life. At least for an introvert like me. I'm very grateful. But they weren't mom friends.

The one mom friend who I have tried to keep in contact with doesn't want to do anything other than talk about her kids. And it gets boring, honestly. She doesn't want to go "do" things. Just sit, drink wine, and talk about her kids. But I feel like my life is now opened back up to stuff "I" want to do, not what I was "required" to do as a mom. Hiking, biking, kayaking, travelling, photography, refinishing furniture, and more. I don't expect everyone to share my hobbies, but it's fun hanging out with people who can discuss different stuff they do, and a real plus if they want to go boating on the bay one day soon, join a bootcamp class together, and so on.

I don't think there is anything wrong with her for wanting to talk about her children. Perhaps you should just move on and be a little less judgy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

This. I have a couple of really good friends, which I find to be a little unusual at this time in my life. At least for an introvert like me. I'm very grateful. But they weren't mom friends.

The one mom friend who I have tried to keep in contact with doesn't want to do anything other than talk about her kids. And it gets boring, honestly. She doesn't want to go "do" things. Just sit, drink wine, and talk about her kids. But I feel like my life is now opened back up to stuff "I" want to do, not what I was "required" to do as a mom. Hiking, biking, kayaking, travelling, photography, refinishing furniture, and more. I don't expect everyone to share my hobbies, but it's fun hanging out with people who can discuss different stuff they do, and a real plus if they want to go boating on the bay one day soon, join a bootcamp class together, and so on.

I have young kids and this resonates with me. I have a difficult time making friends or connecting with moms of young kids and think this is why. I prefer to focus on hobbies or interests as opposed to my kids. If I go out to dinner I don’t bring up my kids. If someone asks me what I did over the weekend I don’t answer from the perspective of my 6 year old.

which is great, but the other POV is also fine.

[Anonymous]

We moved to a new, demanding city when our kids were in MS. It was very lonely in the beginning as many of the parents of our children's friends were not even interested in being friendly enough to handle logistics. Over time it improved to a great extent. Alas, when kids graduated, we were dropped to some extent from a larger group of friends while one of our closer friends in the group, and before the group, was not. And they've pretty much moved on. What's interesting is one of our DCs pointed this out some time before this happened and we kind of dismissed it - they were one of our first set of friends in a new city and we appreciated their overtures. Now we meet up on occasion, but it is clear that they'd rather hang with the larger group.