Parents’ social lives after high school

[Anonymous]

It depends. My DH is still close with all our ES/MS parent friends, but I'm mostly not. I have my own friends that I made elsewhere. I'm an introvert so don't require a ton of socialization. I picked up a martial art and have made new acquaintances there and find that's a good balance.

It will work out. I LOVE being an empty nester.

[Anonymous]

Soon to be empty nester and I worry about this. I’m an introvert but enjoying socializing more as I get older. Looking to make a solid group of friends- to do fun stuff with. Would like to volunteer but no idea where.

[Anonymous]

Going on our 3rd year of being an empty nester and it's great. Theater, concerts, dinners out, dinners in, with other couples and on our own, it's awesome.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have friends that are unrelated to your kids now, you aren't going to have friends after your kids are grown up. People should be trying to stay connected to their friends while their kids are still younger.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have always had multiple social circles. Kids friends parents was one of them. I am still close to two families (parents) and socialize with them frequently. So these are FF. I keep in touch with 2 more and invite them to significant events - but it is hit and miss. The kids are still friends though. I expect them to rejoin after whatever they solve whatever is happening in their life. I keep the olive branch extended.

My house was the social place for kids and I used to organize a lots of events for them. (I was a SAHM, so I had the time and resources to make it happen). Now, the kids are in college. The HS friends are either in the state flagship or they are all over East Coast colleges. They still come to hang out at our place (Poker?) during summer break when they are in the area. Only thing is that I no longer see the kids. They emerge and disperse like cockroaches. Basement dwellers who party from 10 pm - 3 am. I once asked my kids "Aren't these parents worried that their kid is outside their home till 3 am?" And my kids laughed and told me that all the parents track their kids and they know our family from the time the kids were little, so they are cool if their kids are at our house. I took it as a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you won't know until you invite them individually. Extend individual invitations to do something. And don't talk about your kids, not too much.

Agree with focusing on individual things, not group events. Also, it sounds like you are going about this by asking, who likes me and who wants to hang out with me? I would suggest the opposite…

Think about who you feel you have a genuine connection with… if you were going to have an hour lunch with someone, would you look forward to it and think you would have a lot to talk about, or thinking about it would you feel that you would have nothing to talk about after the first five minutes?

People that you just hang out with in a group or have superficial fun with are not the ones that will be in it with you for long haul. Pick out the ones that are your true friends, and nurture and grow those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed the parent friends faded around middle school. That also happened to be when the kids began making their own social plans and social groups started shifting. I’m focused on non-kid related friendships now that my kids are a rising HS senior through college grad.

This 100 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be empty nester and I worry about this. I’m an introvert but enjoying socializing more as I get older. Looking to make a solid group of friends- to do fun stuff with. Would like to volunteer but no idea where.

This is me. Exactly.

[Anonymous]

When my kids left for college, I reconnected with old friends. College, law school, early career, even high school. It is wonderful. They are all so interesting. Several are out of town and we just weekends a few times a year.

Honestly, more interesting than most of my school mom friends, although they are lovely people too. But I am slowly losing contact and that is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting...my parents are still friendly with many of the parents of my HS classmates - they get together on a regular basis with them and it's not over 30 years since I graduated HS!

Our oldest is in college and we still see the parents of their close friends regularly - we just had a few couples over for a cookout on the 4th.

Oh yea? How many and how often and where do your parents live? We need context, sister.

In my spouse’s small midwestern town, sure, her parents continued to see the parents of her friends well into their 80s. But that’s a whole different dynamic. And yes, having a few couples over for the fourth when your kid is still in college isn’t the same thing either — especially if the college aged kid and their friends were also there.

The fact is that in urban areas such as ours,when you base social life on the parents of your kids’ friends you are generally going to be in for a rude awakening when your kids leave the nest. Yes, you can reasonably expect to hold on to one or two of them but most of them will disappear.

Context: Grew up in a small community in Western PA near the city of Pittsburgh. Sure, whole different dynamic since my folks live in the house my Dad grew up in and he's 86. He still sees HS classmates on occasion. Small community bordering city of Pittsburgh, so it is different. But, they regularly get together socially for lunches out, dinners, go different events. There's a core group of about 6 couples and it ebbs and flows a bit.

On the 4th our college age kids weren't there - they were all down at the beach together for the long weekend. Just the parents.

Exactly what I thought. Not the same -- at all.

Why so rude? That PP is just chiming in and OP didn't say every experience referenced in a response had to be specific to the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have other common activities, most of the socializing will wither up and die OR you have to make the effort to organize and host - every single time. Most people are willing to show up but not to host or even organize going to a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

I think the mom friends from children's school are people you might enjoy while the kids are growing up and you have so much to talk about. Once the children start college, it all seems to drift apart. Some friends are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I find the school moms were there for a season. Now I've reconnected with old friends from my home town, early career, college, etc. It's been fun. Your social battery changes as you get older. This is common. It's OK to want to see people in smaller doses.