Infidelity Trauma: Mind Movies

[Anonymous]

Let me say this as a man. Right now you are suffering and you are in pain and your feelings are normal. Once you are divorced and over this episode you will be okay. You will meet men who will sympathize, threat you better and want to be with you, assuming of course you want to be partnered again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have been having issues yes but we have not talked about divorce. My husband has been checked out the last few months, and I have been giving him space.

We have a very active sex life. I am objectively better looking than this other woman. I can't look at her face its disgusting to me now!!

How were you having sex when he was checked out and there was barely any communication? I m genuinely curious how did that work? Many husbands have to bend backwards and their wives still barely have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have been having issues yes but we have not talked about divorce. My husband has been checked out the last few months, and I have been giving him space.

We have a very active sex life. I am objectively better looking than this other woman. I can't look at her face its disgusting to me now!!

How were you having sex when he was checked out and there was barely any communication? I m genuinely curious how did that work? Many husbands have to bend backwards and their wives still barely have sex with them.

OP here. I would seek him out and initiate.

[Anonymous]

You will get through this. I compartmentalize. When I start to spin, I stop and tell myself, "this is not your worst day, you can fall apart on your worst day." Then I suck it up and move on to my to do list.

Stay busy, make plans. Revenge is moving on with your head held high, like he didn't mean a damn thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most glamorous beautiful women in the world get cheated on.

It has everything to do with the cheater and nothing to do with you.

You are not alone.

I have been in the mind movies. I think it’s the brain in shock trying to make sense of things.

Medication and therapy helped. Friends helped. Dark humor. Connecting with people who “get” it. If you haven’t lived it you don’t truly understand.

This. It truly isn’t you. It isn’t something you did or didn’t do. Trust me- you can be literally perfect (hot, great mom, make great $, have regular sex, etc) and 10, 15, 20 years in some spouses will still cheat on you.

It truly is a defect in them, not you.

Time cures it. Sadly it was around the 5th year mark for me—but movies/books/shows with adultery no longer trigger me like they used to—very badly and I’d spiral.

I mean look at the well-known serial cheaters like Tiger, Lamar Odom, Shakira’s ex, Ben Affleck, Amy Robach/Holmes, Sandra Bullock’s ex (Jesse James), Woody Allen, Jay-Z, Hugh (Elizabeth Hurley’s ex),. etc they have serious issues—addiction (booze or drugs), mental, family trauma.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you and have been stuck in your position for years following my wife’s infidelities. I lost most of my friends and all of my self esteem. I have stayed in an empty relationship for the kids and wake up everyday depressed and alone.

I would tell you to leave and not make my mistakes, but the thought of someone she would pick now raising my kids destroys me. It sounds like things get better once you leave, but I can’t confirm that assertion. I can say it gets worse with the wrong spouse, because they are so much worse than you can imagine. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Betrayal trauma is a thing (Jennifer freyd coined the term…maybe reading about that will be comforting)…not dissimilar to PTSD.
You have a double betrayal. It takes a special piece of shit to cheat with a mutual friend.
Anyway with time and therapy and support, the mind movies will become less frequent.
You will adjust. It’s hell right now but I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Journal too. Use AI to vent.