Dd having a hard time at my parents’

[Anonymous]

Would talking to your mom help? Could she shield your daughter from some of grandpa's misogyny?

[Anonymous]

Don't leave your DD with them. She doesn't have to put up with your dad's putdowns, regardless if it revokes your memories or not. If she says she feels uncomfortable, believe her. You're not going to change your dad, he's obviously used to putting family members down to look good to strangers. I cannot even imagine critiquing an accent, this is super rude -- be happy your GD speaks to you at all in your language! (I speak several languages and obviously have accents in any that are not my native language, this is normal and expected)

[Anonymous]

Make this your child’s last solo visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's a long time in someone else's house. You are making wrong decisions to leave your children -- anywhere

An over night or a couple nights only during a true emergency is what you ought to be doing.

You’d go to the expense of sending your children to another country to see their grandparents for 1-2 nights? We don’t even know how long it takes to travel there and back. Your response is nonsensical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her having a big accent if she's not from there? That one sounds like fact. And it IS rude to not try a bite of something offered.

Anyone who is a friend of DD's should defend her if her grandparent puts DD down to them, otherwise they're not a good friend.
Grandpa: Sorry DD dressed so sloppily for you two to go shopping. She's always embarrassing with her clothes.
DD's Friend: I love DD's style and think she looks great!

You try every single sample at a store?

I think people are missing that it's a spread at a store. Depending on the country no way am I trying some weird room temperature spread sample at a store. I hate goat cheese and won't eat foie gras. It's not rude to demur.

Op here and that’s the part that was bad to me: my dad cares more about offending someone at a store for 10 secs by saying no ty than about being rude to dd. He actually told the sales lady while pointing at dd “well SHE doesn’t want to try it so we are going to leave.”

Is this a small town? Are these people his friends or people he sees regularly? If so it could come off as rude- the foreign grandchild who doesn’t know local customs or manners in general.

Is everyone tip-toeing around some culture they all know and everyone else is in the dark? It's incredibly RUDE for the welcoming town to be judgy about "the foreign grandchild". In my culture everyone would try to make her feel welcome and be interested in her US experience and not have a hissy fit over local customs and manners FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are generally kind people but growing up I often felt a dismissive attitude, like I had to be a certain way to accommodate and please everyone or else I was meant to feel annoying and bad.

Ds and dd both went to them for a week (abroad as part of a big trip, firs trip there without us in years), now ds is with friends elsewhere. He had a great time at my parents’. And now dd is spending more time there alone this summer and she is having the same exact experience I had growing up. My dad is especially bad around strangers and will put dd down to please them or to apologize for what he perceives as rude (like dd politely refusing to try a spread at a store), agreeing dd has a big accent when she speaks. I’m upset. I feel bad about her having this bad experience and it’s bringing back bad memories of my own teen years. My brother could do no wrong, now ds can do no wrong.

Refusing to try something is rude, I would apologize for that behavior as well. Teach your child some manners. If she has an accent there’s nothing wrong with saying so. I don’t understand your issue.

Wow, I always knew DCUM was a crazy place but this takes the cake. No, I don't have to try a random spread AT A STORE to be polite. This is how people raise girls to be doormats. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Your child sounds like an ungrateful and disrespectful brat. Grandpa is probably at his wits end with her. Can’t say I blame him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are generally kind people but growing up I often felt a dismissive attitude, like I had to be a certain way to accommodate and please everyone or else I was meant to feel annoying and bad.

Ds and dd both went to them for a week (abroad as part of a big trip, firs trip there without us in years), now ds is with friends elsewhere. He had a great time at my parents’. And now dd is spending more time there alone this summer and she is having the same exact experience I had growing up. My dad is especially bad around strangers and will put dd down to please them or to apologize for what he perceives as rude (like dd politely refusing to try a spread at a store), agreeing dd has a big accent when she speaks. I’m upset. I feel bad about her having this bad experience and it’s bringing back bad memories of my own teen years. My brother could do no wrong, now ds can do no wrong.

Refusing to try something is rude, I would apologize for that behavior as well. Teach your child some manners. If she has an accent there’s nothing wrong with saying so. I don’t understand your issue.

Refusing to try something is NOT rude. As long as she is polite about it. The rude person is the one Forcing it on someone else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are generally kind people but growing up I often felt a dismissive attitude, like I had to be a certain way to accommodate and please everyone or else I was meant to feel annoying and bad.

Ds and dd both went to them for a week (abroad as part of a big trip, firs trip there without us in years), now ds is with friends elsewhere. He had a great time at my parents’. And now dd is spending more time there alone this summer and she is having the same exact experience I had growing up. My dad is especially bad around strangers and will put dd down to please them or to apologize for what he perceives as rude (like dd politely refusing to try a spread at a store), agreeing dd has a big accent when she speaks. I’m upset. I feel bad about her having this bad experience and it’s bringing back bad memories of my own teen years. My brother could do no wrong, now ds can do no wrong.

Refusing to try something is rude, I would apologize for that behavior as well. Teach your child some manners. If she has an accent there’s nothing wrong with saying so. I don’t understand your issue.

Refusing to try something is NOT rude. As long as she is polite about it. The rude person is the one Forcing it on someone else!

Nobody is shoving cheese spread down her throat Karen, but not ever trying anything is very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her having a big accent if she's not from there? That one sounds like fact. And it IS rude to not try a bite of something offered.

Anyone who is a friend of DD's should defend her if her grandparent puts DD down to them, otherwise they're not a good friend.
Grandpa: Sorry DD dressed so sloppily for you two to go shopping. She's always embarrassing with her clothes.
DD's Friend: I love DD's style and think she looks great!

You try every single sample at a store?

I think people are missing that it's a spread at a store. Depending on the country no way am I trying some weird room temperature spread sample at a store. I hate goat cheese and won't eat foie gras. It's not rude to demur.

We don’t know the country, much less the customs of the unknown country. While I agree that it should be acceptable to demur, there may be little courtesies that are expected to accompany the refusal. For example, there’s a big difference between, “Thank you for offering. I’m sure it’s wonderful, but I’m afraid I’m full right now” and “Eww, yuck! That looks gross.” I suspect DDs answer was significantly more neutral than either of the above responses, but it may have just not followed local custom.

No thank you is all that's needed.

If others cannot accept that, it's on them, no matter what the country or culture. A polite "no thank you" is enough.

[Anonymous]

I'm just glad that it sounds like she's communicating with her mom (OP) and her mom has got her back. OP, you need to share some of these funny posts with her (cheese spread)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her having a big accent if she's not from there? That one sounds like fact. And it IS rude to not try a bite of something offered.

Anyone who is a friend of DD's should defend her if her grandparent puts DD down to them, otherwise they're not a good friend.
Grandpa: Sorry DD dressed so sloppily for you two to go shopping. She's always embarrassing with her clothes.
DD's Friend: I love DD's style and think she looks great!

You try every single sample at a store?

I think people are missing that it's a spread at a store. Depending on the country no way am I trying some weird room temperature spread sample at a store. I hate goat cheese and won't eat foie gras. It's not rude to demur.

Op here and that’s the part that was bad to me: my dad cares more about offending someone at a store for 10 secs by saying no ty than about being rude to dd. He actually told the sales lady while pointing at dd “well SHE doesn’t want to try it so we are going to leave.”

Is this a small town? Are these people his friends or people he sees regularly? If so it could come off as rude- the foreign grandchild who doesn’t know local customs or manners in general.

Is everyone tip-toeing around some culture they all know and everyone else is in the dark? It's incredibly RUDE for the welcoming town to be judgy about "the foreign grandchild". In my culture everyone would try to make her feel welcome and be interested in her US experience and not have a hissy fit over local customs and manners FFS.

This 1000%!!!! You welcome people, not force them to do what you want them to do. Doesn't matter the culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her having a big accent if she's not from there? That one sounds like fact. And it IS rude to not try a bite of something offered.

Anyone who is a friend of DD's should defend her if her grandparent puts DD down to them, otherwise they're not a good friend.
Grandpa: Sorry DD dressed so sloppily for you two to go shopping. She's always embarrassing with her clothes.
DD's Friend: I love DD's style and think she looks great!

You try every single sample at a store?

I think people are missing that it's a spread at a store. Depending on the country no way am I trying some weird room temperature spread sample at a store. I hate goat cheese and won't eat foie gras. It's not rude to demur.

We don’t know the country, much less the customs of the unknown country. While I agree that it should be acceptable to demur, there may be little courtesies that are expected to accompany the refusal. For example, there’s a big difference between, “Thank you for offering. I’m sure it’s wonderful, but I’m afraid I’m full right now” and “Eww, yuck! That looks gross.” I suspect DDs answer was significantly more neutral than either of the above responses, but it may have just not followed local custom.

No thank you is all that's needed.

If others cannot accept that, it's on them, no matter what the country or culture. A polite "no thank you" is enough.

No it’s not lady, tell me you never left America without telling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her having a big accent if she's not from there? That one sounds like fact. And it IS rude to not try a bite of something offered.

Anyone who is a friend of DD's should defend her if her grandparent puts DD down to them, otherwise they're not a good friend.
Grandpa: Sorry DD dressed so sloppily for you two to go shopping. She's always embarrassing with her clothes.
DD's Friend: I love DD's style and think she looks great!

You try every single sample at a store?

I think people are missing that it's a spread at a store. Depending on the country no way am I trying some weird room temperature spread sample at a store. I hate goat cheese and won't eat foie gras. It's not rude to demur.

We don’t know the country, much less the customs of the unknown country. While I agree that it should be acceptable to demur, there may be little courtesies that are expected to accompany the refusal. For example, there’s a big difference between, “Thank you for offering. I’m sure it’s wonderful, but I’m afraid I’m full right now” and “Eww, yuck! That looks gross.” I suspect DDs answer was significantly more neutral than either of the above responses, but it may have just not followed local custom.

No thank you is all that's needed.

If others cannot accept that, it's on them, no matter what the country or culture. A polite "no thank you" is enough.

No it’s not lady, tell me you never left America without telling me.

Where are you from that you can't say 'no thank you?' spill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Refusing to try something at a store? Like free samples?
If done politely but firmly that is not rude.
I don't eat alliums. So I never would try a garlic or chive cheese, dip, spread.
Saying something rude about the itten like yucky is rude.

I doubt that’s how it happened. I would be embarrassed if she refused.
It could be she doesn’t know the customs