Where and how to work on this skill with my teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it important for him to look NT? If difficulty making eye contact and slouching are signs of anxiety, I'm surprised you aren't asking how to help with his anxiety, rather than make himself more uncomfortable hiding his anxiety.

Eye contact can be painful for many ND people. It can also make it more difficult for them to focus, pay attention, and participate. This should not be the thing you focus on.

I disagree. All kids deserve to be taught that basic politeness means making some eye contact and saying hello. Doesn’t mean you demand it constantly but yes the should be taught. And they also need to learn to make eye contact crucially to ensure that they are understood when they are eg buying something in a store or asking the bus driver if it’s the right bus. It is a basic communication skill.

Why on earth do I need to make eye contact when buying something in a store? I take my items to the cashier, they ring them up, I pay. Eye contact is not needed to be understood.

Politeness requires acknowledging others when interacting with them. It requires looking in their general direction. But eye contact itself is not required. If I look at someone's nose or ears because that allows me to engage in conversation, I have no obligation to make myself uncomfortable.

You need to make eye contact to make sure a person hears and understands you. This is pretty basic. I guess in a transaction that is completely without communication it’s not an issue. But my personal goal for raising my kid is to get him to be independent and problem solve. And that definitely includes how to make and understand requests in public.

Dude, self-checkout is a godsend for people who hate interacting with people, for whatever reason.

sure. But my kid needs to know how to navigate situations where there is no self checkout.

[Anonymous]

My male cousin, who is kind of shy and quiet, went to cotillion in Maryland (Baltimore area). It was pretty normal, not snooty.

I think it's a thing suburban moms like to support.

They don't have cotillion in my area. I was tortured with ballet as a child so I made my sons do a hip hop dance class with recital. They were good at it. It was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I think we have the same child! My son is same and we constantly don’t know how much to require/expect. He did a lifeguard certification class recently and was not allowed to sit for the test in part because the instructor said “you need to be looking at me to show you are paying attention.” My son is gifted and he retains things so easily he would have passed the written portion of the test no problem. He’s always listening even when looking in opposite direction. However it was a good learning experience of the importance of being able to fit into a neurotypical world.