I'm not even sure what my question is, but I'm sure you all will have something to share. Wife overspending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide together what you want to do. You need to set a budget together. And then yes, put the fungible money in its own account and she can spend fungible expenses from there.

The way you're talking though you might be on the road to divorce. There's one team here and you're not being strategic and working together. Your main goal should be to get on the same page.

Or, just accept that she's going to spend what she's going to spend and at least your family is intact and no one is addicted to drugs.

This might be the way provides she gets a job. I have a coworker (nurse) still working part time at 78. I asked why and she said it's purely to fund her casino habit that her husband refuses to pay for.

That only works because she’s either doesn’t know how to heal her husband’s money, or respect chooses not to.

[Anonymous]

Steal not heal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide together what you want to do. You need to set a budget together. And then yes, put the fungible money in its own account and she can spend fungible expenses from there.

The way you're talking though you might be on the road to divorce. There's one team here and you're not being strategic and working together. Your main goal should be to get on the same page.

Or, just accept that she's going to spend what she's going to spend and at least your family is intact and no one is addicted to drugs.

Divorce would be worse for her than him. She may get half his assets but her spending would be impacted. OP doesn't have a spending problem, the wife does.

Okay, but they are a family. Divorce would be hard on both of them and the kid. Both spouses need an attitude adjusment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to make about $375K a year. Had kids. Wife stayed home and lost her like $60K income. She never went back. Kids are 18 and 16. My work slowed and took a pay cut. We are now at about $210K a year. When things were good, I maxed out everything. Our home is paid off and worth about $900K. We have about 2.5M in investments(retirement and investment accounts). I'm 53. She's 49. My wife has NOT realized or acted like our HHI went for $375 to $210K. We over spend every.single.month but she just wants to take it out of our savings/investments. Although we have about $3.5M in total assets, we spend more than we bring in every single month. She thinks its fine. I'm like...we are not selling stock to pay for monthly expenses! How do I change her attitude? This is crazy. I know we have some assets but if we are to retire in a few years, she needs to cut the crap! Luckily the stock market has been doing well and making up for her spending but now that the marker is crazy...I'm very nervous. Any thoughts?

Is she going to go back to work in 2 years? Or is she just retired for good? If your argument is that you need that money for retirement and she feels retired, she may think it's a distinction without a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to make about $375K a year. Had kids. Wife stayed home and lost her like $60K income. She never went back. Kids are 18 and 16. My work slowed and took a pay cut. We are now at about $210K a year. When things were good, I maxed out everything. Our home is paid off and worth about $900K. We have about 2.5M in investments(retirement and investment accounts). I'm 53. She's 49. My wife has NOT realized or acted like our HHI went for $375 to $210K. We over spend every.single.month but she just wants to take it out of our savings/investments. Although we have about $3.5M in total assets, we spend more than we bring in every single month. She thinks its fine. I'm like...we are not selling stock to pay for monthly expenses! How do I change her attitude? This is crazy. I know we have some assets but if we are to retire in a few years, she needs to cut the crap! Luckily the stock market has been doing well and making up for her spending but now that the marker is crazy...I'm very nervous. Any thoughts?

Is she going to go back to work in 2 years? Or is she just retired for good? If your argument is that you need that money for retirement and she feels retired, she may think it's a distinction without a difference.

I agree with this. Also, I think you just have to bite the bullet and have the conversation with her. Respectfully.

Also, after 18 years out of the workforce, given that her job wasn't that lucrative in the first place, she probably can't go back to work and earn a lot. That ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to make about $375K a year. Had kids. Wife stayed home and lost her like $60K income. She never went back. Kids are 18 and 16. My work slowed and took a pay cut. We are now at about $210K a year. When things were good, I maxed out everything. Our home is paid off and worth about $900K. We have about 2.5M in investments(retirement and investment accounts). I'm 53. She's 49. My wife has NOT realized or acted like our HHI went for $375 to $210K. We over spend every.single.month but she just wants to take it out of our savings/investments. Although we have about $3.5M in total assets, we spend more than we bring in every single month. She thinks its fine. I'm like...we are not selling stock to pay for monthly expenses! How do I change her attitude? This is crazy. I know we have some assets but if we are to retire in a few years, she needs to cut the crap! Luckily the stock market has been doing well and making up for her spending but now that the marker is crazy...I'm very nervous. Any thoughts?

Is she going to go back to work in 2 years? Or is she just retired for good? If your argument is that you need that money for retirement and she feels retired, she may think it's a distinction without a difference.

I agree with this. Also, I think you just have to bite the bullet and have the conversation with her. Respectfully.

Also, after 18 years out of the workforce, given that her job wasn't that lucrative in the first place, she probably can't go back to work and earn a lot. That ship has sailed.

PP you're quoting and I agree with the bolded but if any of the spending is boredom or just constantly updating the house because she's always there, getting an easy part time retail job still might change the dynamic. Plus the kids will be gone so some expenses will fall off.

[Anonymous]

She is young. At this point she could get a masters degree and train for a job she does for 20 more years, with a decent salary. It’s not hard to make $100K these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like she is bored and spending keeps her busy. She needs to find something else to fill the void in her life. It's actually not a money issue but a what to do with your time/life issue.

Agree

[Anonymous]

she needs to get a job.. will take at least 6 months in this market.. unfortunately

[Anonymous]

TBH I'm surprised you guys are going to retire with just 2.5M in retirement savings. That's like 100k of withdrawal each year. This is fine for a normal family but you guys have been making like 375k a year.

[Anonymous]

What is she overspending on? You have provided no details on it. There was another DH complaining about how his wife spent too much on groceries, clothes for the kids, and household services, yet, when pressed for examples, gave some that were absolutely in line with today's costs.

[Anonymous]

16 and18?

Send her back to work for spending money!!

Sure, you took a pay cut, but she missed out on earning AT LEAST $1.08M by not working all those years (assuming no raises at 60k*18 yrs.)

[Anonymous]

She needs to get a part-time or full-time job. Now that the kids are grown, she has way too much free time, and free time usually leads to spending. The busier I am, the less I spend on frivolous stuff.
Also, can you look for a higher paying job again, similar to your last one?
You have good savings, but shouldn't be dipping into it until retirement. Are the kid 529s filled up? They should be.

[Anonymous]

The danger here is that she has gone so long without working outside the home and since the kids are older she probably doesn't have to do that much inside the home either. So she has just gotten used to not having to do too much. It will be hard to change but she needs to be willing to take a close look at how she wants to spend the next 15 to 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Cut off her access to funds other than a checking account with minimal personal spending money. Freeze any credit account that you are looking for able for and monitor her credit, tell her if she wants to spend more she needs to get a job. If that doesn't work, divorce to stop the bleeding.