visiting elder relative in assisted living

[Anonymous]

If the weather is not good, consider an indoor mall if there is one nearby (if she is the type to want to get out of the facility for a bit). I see old people doing laps at the mall near me, and it makes sense. Climate controlled, smooth flat surface, plenty to look at, places to sit if tired, easy access to lunch if hungry.

You're a good person, OP. Hope you have a nice visit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all so, so much. These are terrific ideas and I have jotted them into a note so I have all together - I’m going to pre-plan a little but let the days take their natural shape, too, and thanks to you all will have lots of ideas to fill time if and when needed.

I am looking forward to the visit! Another aunt (this aunt’s sister) used to live nearby, so when I visited in the past, we all spent time together, and I could just have lunch and an afternoon visit or similar because neither aunt was alone, plus they had more active lives then. That other aunt has since passed away, and the aunt I am now visiting has aged a lot over the past year, so I was feeling apprehensive and “pressured” about how the days would take shape - I feel much better now, thank you all again!

I know this sounds weird and it might not be right for your aunt, but you could ask her if she wants to go to her sister's grave, if she's buried nearby. She probably can't get there on her own.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. My grandma also liked doing paint with water--you can get nice books, and then we used qtips (bring some with you) to paint--bring a bunch so you can switch and the colors won't get mixed up. I think seeing what activities are already planned and if she wants you to go with her could be good-when I visited my grandma at assisted living she liked me to go with her to their exercise classes, "happy hour," etc.

At some places, it's easy to bring people to the dining room and some are strict about not allowing guests--if it's the latter, that's a good opportunity to leave. I would usually come after breakfast, leave at lunch, then come back for an hour or so before dinner and walk my grandma to the dining room so everyone saw she had a guest and it was a natural transition to her dinner and evening routine without me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all so, so much. These are terrific ideas and I have jotted them into a note so I have all together - I’m going to pre-plan a little but let the days take their natural shape, too, and thanks to you all will have lots of ideas to fill time if and when needed.

I am looking forward to the visit! Another aunt (this aunt’s sister) used to live nearby, so when I visited in the past, we all spent time together, and I could just have lunch and an afternoon visit or similar because neither aunt was alone, plus they had more active lives then. That other aunt has since passed away, and the aunt I am now visiting has aged a lot over the past year, so I was feeling apprehensive and “pressured” about how the days would take shape - I feel much better now, thank you all again!

I know this sounds weird and it might not be right for your aunt, but you could ask her if she wants to go to her sister's grave, if she's buried nearby. She probably can't get there on her own.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. My grandma also liked doing paint with water--you can get nice books, and then we used qtips (bring some with you) to paint--bring a bunch so you can switch and the colors won't get mixed up. I think seeing what activities are already planned and if she wants you to go with her could be good-when I visited my grandma at assisted living she liked me to go with her to their exercise classes, "happy hour," etc.

At some places, it's easy to bring people to the dining room and some are strict about not allowing guests--if it's the latter, that's a good opportunity to leave. I would usually come after breakfast, leave at lunch, then come back for an hour or so before dinner and walk my grandma to the dining room so everyone saw she had a guest and it was a natural transition to her dinner and evening routine without me.

Yes, to all of this, but if she thinks loved ones who died are still alive, get advice on how to handle. We were told to go along with it and say "oh he's doing well. He's still in Michigan." This may be case specific. Dad would get very upset re-learning loved ones died or finding out loved ones died while he was in Memory care so therapeutic lies were needed.

He also did best in his environment, not being taken out of the facility, but that too may be case specific.

[Anonymous]

Take her to either a cafe on the grounds (if she doesn't go there often) and maybe go outside with her as well. Maybe even a local restaurant would be nice, depending on her condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be visiting for a weekend this summer my 95 year old aunt who lives in an assisted living facility. She isn’t as sharp as she once was, but generally is with it.

However, her world is confined to the assisted living facility, and I can’t imagine how we are going to fill 2 full days together. I feel awful just writing this.

I’m hoping someone has suggestions of ways we can pass the time together. I thought maybe a puzzle, but I’m not sure how her fine motor skills and/or eyesight would handle doing a puzzle. Maybe I’ll be able to figure out how to sling a movie to her tv?

Please share any ideas. Thanks!

Just visit for 2 hours each day. She'll be tired of you after that anyway. Old people in homes tire easily and take a lot of naps.

[Anonymous]

Who is the person who takes her to medical appointments, shops for extras, etc.? I have to do everything for my mother while my siblings live far away.

I would love it if they took her to the optometrist or dentist when they visited so it’s one less thing I have to do.

I would love it if they took her shopping for yogurt and diet soft drinks she enjoys have in her assisted living apartment.

It would be great if they spent a day organizing her apartment and would throw out old newspapers and magazines.

It would be great since sit us getting g warmer they push the winter stuff to the back of the closet and bring forward the summer clothes.

Take her to get a shampoo and haircut and have her hair styled.

Buy her toothpaste and toilet paper.

Buy her new underwear, bras, and socks.

The dredgers of doing these tasks for 8 years sucks especially since I have my own teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is the person who takes her to medical appointments, shops for extras, etc.? I have to do everything for my mother while my siblings live far away.

I would love it if they took her to the optometrist or dentist when they visited so it’s one less thing I have to do.

I would love it if they took her shopping for yogurt and diet soft drinks she enjoys have in her assisted living apartment.

It would be great if they spent a day organizing her apartment and would throw out old newspapers and magazines.

It would be great since sit us getting g warmer they push the winter stuff to the back of the closet and bring forward the summer clothes.

Take her to get a shampoo and haircut and have her hair styled.

Buy her toothpaste and toilet paper.

Buy her new underwear, bras, and socks.

The dredgers of doing these tasks for 8 years sucks especially since I have my own teens.

Not Op, but the facilities we looked at have transport and you can hire an aide to go with them.

Re:shampoo and hairstyle-the facilities we looked at had that right in house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the person who takes her to medical appointments, shops for extras, etc.? I have to do everything for my mother while my siblings live far away.

I would love it if they took her to the optometrist or dentist when they visited so it’s one less thing I have to do.

I would love it if they took her shopping for yogurt and diet soft drinks she enjoys have in her assisted living apartment.

It would be great if they spent a day organizing her apartment and would throw out old newspapers and magazines.

It would be great since sit us getting g warmer they push the winter stuff to the back of the closet and bring forward the summer clothes.

Take her to get a shampoo and haircut and have her hair styled.

Buy her toothpaste and toilet paper.

Buy her new underwear, bras, and socks.

The dredgers of doing these tasks for 8 years sucks especially since I have my own teens.

Not Op, but the facilities we looked at have transport and you can hire an aide to go with them.

Re:shampoo and hairstyle-the facilities we looked at had that right in house.

The relative is 95 years old. You think she is really remembering to book a shampoo and cut? Who is remembering to get the aide when available and dealing with all the paperwork of paying for the optometrist and glasses? Is the aide given money to go to buy supplies or necessities? Can the 95 year old still remember where her checkbook is and write out a check?

It is so annoying because that is what my siblings say but then don't spend anytime calling to arrange for an aide (there often is NO aide ever available, it isn't like they have one on standby) or transportation (also often not available), call and book a shampoo and cut and pay for it with a credit card with the in assisted living stylist, or book any medical appointments.