It's okay for my BIL to make a pass at a single woman he sees at weekday Mass, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy have all men lost all game? No, you don’t go from zero to asking someone for a date in a place where she comes for a purpose other than dating. He would deserve to feel like he could never go to that mass again. He has to actually talk to her, assess if she is interested, then subtly find out if she has a boyfriend. Getting more involved in the church community is also a way - he can ask mutual friends or even the priest.

His last few girlfriends were really cute, so I think he has at least some game. I think he just has it in his head it's creepy or even sort of sacrilegious to try to chat up a random woman at church, especially when he just started going to Mass again.

It's not creepy or sacrilegious to chat up a fellow mass-goer who he sees a couple or few times a week. Like, say "Good morning" the next time. Then a time or two after that he can introduce himself. After that, maybe ask if she's going to the spaghetti dinner next week (or whatever) and mention that he's volunteering. A couple more conversations and he can ask her out. At that point he should have a good idea what her reaction will be.

I mean, where better for him to meet someone that shares his religious beliefs, which seem important to him. I don't usually like to go hard on the "God has a path for you" bit, but maybe in this case it's true?

If this meeting leads to marriage, I'm sure there will be lots of people who bite on the "God has a path for you" bit. Religious people love this sort of thing. Truth is, they could have met anywhere. Most couples don't meet at church.

[Anonymous]

If he's so Catholic he should ask her if she attends the young adults group at the church or something having to do with the church itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally okay for him to introduce himself and show interest.

-signed, single woman who occasionally attends weekday Mass

+2 - he should say hello!

signed, another single woman who goes to mass on the weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally okay for him to introduce himself and show interest.

-signed, single woman who occasionally attends weekday Mass

+2 - he should say hello!

signed, another single woman who goes to mass on the weekends

+3. The venue really doesn't matter. They see each other regularly. He's interested. He should make a move.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to zag. Does he even know the priest’s name? Most churches are super cliquey and it could seem sketchy for a random solo bachelor to show up and start hitting on women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not bet on her being single. If this was weekend mass and she’s solo several weeks in a row, sure, probably single. Solo at early a.m. weekday mass could be anything from single to happily married with kids.

This.

Could even mean considering a vocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not bet on her being single. If this was weekend mass and she’s solo several weeks in a row, sure, probably single. Solo at early a.m. weekday mass could be anything from single to happily married with kids.

This.

Could even mean considering a vocation.

That would make a great story: "I was considering a vocation. Then I met this great guy at weekday mass...."

[Anonymous]

I thought this was WHY single people go to church - to meet other singles they have something in common with. Nbd

[Anonymous]

He needs to take his time. He can introduce himself first - just a nice, normal, friendly introduction. "Hello, I've seen you here a few times and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jason Smith, I recently started coming here a few days a week before work."

After she introduces herself, he can say "It's nice to meet you, Mary, hope you have a great day." and walk away.

The next few times he sees her, he greets her with a warm "Hi Mary, nice to see you." and then a few times later, he can start with the small talk. This is a months long process, OP, unless he wants to be creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to take his time. He can introduce himself first - just a nice, normal, friendly introduction. "Hello, I've seen you here a few times and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jason Smith, I recently started coming here a few days a week before work."

After she introduces herself, he can say "It's nice to meet you, Mary, hope you have a great day." and walk away.

The next few times he sees her, he greets her with a warm "Hi Mary, nice to see you." and then a few times later, he can start with the small talk. This is a months long process, OP, unless he wants to be creepy.

Oy vey, so nebbish. Also silly to assume an attractive single gal in her 20s or early 30s is going to stay single for months on end while a nebbish boy builds up the courage to ask for her number. Not only could she begin dating someone new, she may never show up to that church again, so the last time he saw her might be the last time he ever saw her.

[Anonymous]

"Make a pass" is odd. How about saying he wants to court her? Or call on her. Gentlman caller and all that.

But anyway, the easiest way is to be near her at the next mass, and really make eye contact when offering the sign of peace during mass. Then as both depart, catch up with her and make an innocuous comment like about that day's homily (sermon), the weather, etc. See how she reacts. If she reacts well, ask to meet for coffee.. don't ask at that point about being single. Or ask if she'll be at some social event the church is putting on for young folks next week.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't care what he does provided it does not break the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is okay to post here. I want to avoid callous comments in the relationship advice forum.

My husband and I are certainly out of touch with modern dating but we think this would be not only totally fine but actually really sweet?

BIL stayed with us this weekend at our family beach house. He is ten years younger than us, handsome and fairly successful. After a long lapse, he shared he's been going to weekday early morning Mass once or twice a week, on days he has to be in the office.

He then said there's a cute woman his age who seems to be there most times he's there. She also appears headed to work. He said they both acknowledge and smile at each other from afar but he thinks that could just be because they seem to be the youngest there.

We insist he has to position himself for an introduction and ask if she's single. Park next to her, hang back at exit after service ends, whatever. He is convinced that is inappropriate and if she's not single or he gets rejected, he'll be too mortified to go to that service again.

Is this for real?

[Anonymous]

I’m not Catholic, but I have friends who are and I definitely think people see going to mass as a way to meet guys or girls today. I don’t like your phrasing of make a pass. That sounds creepy. But he should try to sit closer to her and introduce himself somehow and chat. And then ask her out. Coffee or lunch or dinner or whatever. He does not need to ask her if she has a boyfriend. That’s awkward. He can just ask her out and if she’s taking, she can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to take his time. He can introduce himself first - just a nice, normal, friendly introduction. "Hello, I've seen you here a few times and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jason Smith, I recently started coming here a few days a week before work."

After she introduces herself, he can say "It's nice to meet you, Mary, hope you have a great day." and walk away.

The next few times he sees her, he greets her with a warm "Hi Mary, nice to see you." and then a few times later, he can start with the small talk. This is a months long process, OP, unless he wants to be creepy.

I’m a woman who dated a lot in my 20s and 30s. This is ridiculous. He does not need to have conversations with her for weeks. In fact, if he gets a chance to talk to her, I think she should try to get her number then and ask her out.