It's okay for my BIL to make a pass at a single woman he sees at weekday Mass, right?

[Anonymous]

Girls love being hit on. The key is to spread the conversations out over a couple months. Say hi one week. Exchange names the next. Slowly build a connection. Don’t ask her to coffee until he can ask her how that thing last week went. If she’s attached, she’ll have had plenty of time to mention it.

[Anonymous]

If she's at Mass, high probability that if she is married or engaged she'll have a ring on. Easy first evaluation.
Then he can go in with something about does she know if there is a young adults group, he's looking to connect with other single young catholics.
Then he can read her response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy have all men lost all game? No, you don’t go from zero to asking someone for a date in a place where she comes for a purpose other than dating. He would deserve to feel like he could never go to that mass again. He has to actually talk to her, assess if she is interested, then subtly find out if she has a boyfriend. Getting more involved in the church community is also a way - he can ask mutual friends or even the priest.

His last few girlfriends were really cute, so I think he has at least some game. I think he just has it in his head it's creepy or even sort of sacrilegious to try to chat up a random woman at church, especially when he just started going to Mass again.

Tell him that church IS where singles meet. It's literally touted as an appropriate place to find dates when one doesn't like to use OLD. All the single women there are probably expecting to meet their husbands at church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy have all men lost all game? No, you don’t go from zero to asking someone for a date in a place where she comes for a purpose other than dating. He would deserve to feel like he could never go to that mass again. He has to actually talk to her, assess if she is interested, then subtly find out if she has a boyfriend. Getting more involved in the church community is also a way - he can ask mutual friends or even the priest.

His last few girlfriends were really cute, so I think he has at least some game. I think he just has it in his head it's creepy or even sort of sacrilegious to try to chat up a random woman at church, especially when he just started going to Mass again.

Tell him that church IS where singles meet. It's literally touted as an appropriate place to find dates when one doesn't like to use OLD. All the single women there are probably expecting to meet their husbands at church

haha yes, if she is single and straight she is literally in there praying for a nice boy to show up at church

[Anonymous]

Only if he’s not the priest!

[Anonymous]

He should not "ask if she is single." How awkward! No, he should ask her out for coffee.

[Anonymous]

My friends who are Catholic who go to Mass do it to meet men. I know men who've done it to meet women. It's fine. He should try to sit near her and introduce himself. It's not his job to figure out if she is single. He can ask her out for coffee and if she feels that's not appropriate she can decline. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls love being hit on. The key is to spread the conversations out over a couple months. Say hi one week. Exchange names the next. Slowly build a connection. Don’t ask her to coffee until he can ask her how that thing last week went. If she’s attached, she’ll have had plenty of time to mention it.

TWO MONTHS?? No. He does NOT need to wait that long. My god. Introduce yourself, try to start a convo. Ask her out in that convo for coffee or something if an opportunity arises. If not, try to ask her another. Try to find out her name so he can find her on social media if he does not see her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls love being hit on. The key is to spread the conversations out over a couple months. Say hi one week. Exchange names the next. Slowly build a connection. Don’t ask her to coffee until he can ask her how that thing last week went. If she’s attached, she’ll have had plenty of time to mention it.

Months? God no. He’s already waited way too long. A catch doesn’t stay single very long. And there is no guarantee she will ever show up to that mass again. Schedules change, meets somebody, gets back with an ex, parent gets sick, promotion at work, who knows, maybe she’s a consultant and only in the region for a month. Life is short and unpredictable. The young man needs to capitalize and get her number literally the very next time he sees her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally okay for him to introduce himself and show interest.

-signed, single woman who occasionally attends weekday Mass

Right? If he's hot she's probably in the pews praying he'll talk to her. lol

[Anonymous]

I always thought making a pass meant trying to kiss, so ew, no, creeper behavior.

Talking to her like a normal human, building up to asking outside of church is totally normal. Not two months, but a couple more weeks. SOmething within church - like spaghetti dinner or whatever would be good, too. Presumably they're off to work so going to coffee after might be hard.

[Anonymous]

Small talk, like, have you been doing morning mass a long time?
I enjoy it because XYZ.
I am unfamiliar with so and so of this church, would you be able to tell me about it?
You know, sort of business networking cocktail party kind of light conversation. These serve a purpose - to figure out if they are nutso.

[Anonymous]

He should see if there are any upcoming events in the church bulletin and introduce himself as a new parishioner (or say he's trying to be more active if he's not new) and ask her if she's attended similar events in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy have all men lost all game? No, you don’t go from zero to asking someone for a date in a place where she comes for a purpose other than dating. He would deserve to feel like he could never go to that mass again. He has to actually talk to her, assess if she is interested, then subtly find out if she has a boyfriend. Getting more involved in the church community is also a way - he can ask mutual friends or even the priest.

Since when is this long, circuitous route "game"?

Yes, OP, he can talk to her, do a vibe check, and ask her out for coffee. If she's single and at morning mass, sounds like she would be receptive to that. Like a PP said, if she's taken and a practicing Catholic, she'll have a ring on.

[Anonymous]

“Hi, I’m ___. Wanna get married?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said wanna grab coffee?”