My Asian third grader fits right into Asian stereotypes

[Anonymous]

He is probably getting pressure at school to be more Asian from the other Asians or at least he will if he diversifies too much. I'm not sure if it's exactly that the kids are embracing their culture, but this has been happening since early elementary to my mixed kids but also to full-Asian kids.

The kids do shame each other some. Is some of it meant to be it joking? I'm not sure. I think some of it is them working out their identities relative to their parents, but it's prevalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is diversify the people you associate with. I lived in a “luxury” building at one time with a large Asian population. It was a high tech area with a lot of Asian workers here for a couple of years or long time.

They never talked to anyone non-Asian and traveled in groups. They never acknowledged your existence. Some of them were candid in their not wanting their children to make friends with white Americans. The kids weren’t introduced to anything but Asian things.

That's horribly racist. I'm sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

I have two Asian sons. One plays tennis, does science Olympiad, wants to be a doctor, very Asian stereotypical. My other son plays basketball and does not do anything Asian. He has a B+ in math currently, trying to move it up to A-.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is diversify the people you associate with. I lived in a “luxury” building at one time with a large Asian population. It was a high tech area with a lot of Asian workers here for a couple of years or long time.

They never talked to anyone non-Asian and traveled in groups. They never acknowledged your existence. Some of them were candid in their not wanting their children to make friends with white Americans. The kids weren’t introduced to anything but Asian things.

And when you sub Asian for white (or "American" since you never acknowledge one van me Asian and American) it all sounds ok. That's how you know you're being racist PP.

They never talked to anyone non-American and traveled in groups. They never acknowledged your existence. Some of them were candid in their not wanting their children to make friends with non-Americans. The kids weren’t introduced to anything but American things.

And the white people are all like, yep that sounds pretty good!

[Anonymous]

My abc husband says that our 2 children are more Americanized than him. 1 child does screentime for a few hours every day, and he does not like our heritage food or speak/understand our heritage language. He does not know any musical instrument and he has no exposure of tennis/golf/tennis. Where he goes, he is either the only one or a few of asian kids in the sport team. Another child of mine sucks at academic, and all she is like is making herself pretty and playing all day. Well, I let her play and she also does not know anything about our heritage.

[Anonymous]

I get how you feel, OP. My oldest child also fit the Asian stereotype. My inner child was mad when he said his favorite subject was math, and he wanted after school math classes.

My other two fit zero stereotypes. We parented all 3 the same way.

Sometimes shedding stereotypes means letting kids be who they will be regardless of how it looks, the same way that some 2nd and 3rd generation feminists unapologetically took up baking or cooking favorite hobbies.

Feel good about progress and move on.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids: one is the stereotypical Asian (boy - math/CS/badminton), and the other is not (girl - theater/singing/rock climbing/doesn't really like math much). So I have double stereotypes going -- ethnicity and gender. DS has mostly Asian friends because of their interests; DD has mostly non Asian friends because of their interests. They both tried soccer when they were young and didn't like it. Neither are very athletic.

I made both take piano, but they both hated it so I let them drop it. Of course, now that they are teens they wished they kept it. DS did teach himself to play the guitar (I encouraged him to because I also play the guitar, and DS took a guitar class in HS for art credit).

When they were young, we exposed them to all sorts of different things. They gravitated naturally to what they enjoyed. I just let them be who they are now (older teens).

I will say that being a stereotype did work against my DS for college admissions. But, DS is doing really well in college, so can't really complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids: one is the stereotypical Asian (boy - math/CS/badminton), and the other is not (girl - theater/singing/rock climbing/doesn't really like math much). So I have double stereotypes going -- ethnicity and gender. DS has mostly Asian friends because of their interests; DD has mostly non Asian friends because of their interests. They both tried soccer when they were young and didn't like it. Neither are very athletic.

I made both take piano, but they both hated it so I let them drop it. Of course, now that they are teens they wished they kept it. DS did teach himself to play the guitar (I encouraged him to because I also play the guitar, and DS took a guitar class in HS for art credit).

When they were young, we exposed them to all sorts of different things. They gravitated naturally to what they enjoyed. I just let them be who they are now (older teens).

I will say that being a stereotype did work against my DS for college admissions. But, DS is doing really well in college, so can't really complain.

We’re up against the same with regard to college. I told my son that 40 years of being himself will make up for not getting into a special college. He wants to go to Caltech. He might not get in because of the stereotypes, but I think in the long run he’ll be fine like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay. Don't make him ashamed for who he is.

I’m not but I wonder if I am doing his a disservice not encouraging at least one thing that is a little different? Literally every activity we go to it’s only other Indian and Chinese boys. Very few girls and very few kids of other races.

Your child’s soccer team is only Indian and Chinese boys? And all the kids I know who do youth orchestra are white and some are girls.

Actually that’s true soccer has some non-Asians, but it’s the only activity that does. Youth orchestra he will be joining at the younger level and it looks like all Asian minorities, high school levels have a larger mix. But yes the math, chess, and music activities we go to now are 90%+ Indian/Asian. I don’t even understand it because our district is majority white so I think lots of kids are coming from neighboring towns to take math and chess. I have never seen a classmate from school at any of these. That is part why I wonder if I should put him in something else to be with friends and peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay. Don't make him ashamed for who he is.

I’m not but I wonder if I am doing his a disservice not encouraging at least one thing that is a little different? Literally every activity we go to it’s only other Indian and Chinese boys. Very few girls and very few kids of other races.

Seriously? You only find Indian and Chinese boys in soccer? Does your kid play for any of the clubs (DC, Bethesda, Potomac, etc.?) So strange that you're finding this when that is not the composition of the clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay. Don't make him ashamed for who he is.

I’m not but I wonder if I am doing his a disservice not encouraging at least one thing that is a little different? Literally every activity we go to it’s only other Indian and Chinese boys. Very few girls and very few kids of other races.

Your child’s soccer team is only Indian and Chinese boys? And all the kids I know who do youth orchestra are white and some are girls.

Actually that’s true soccer has some non-Asians, but it’s the only activity that does. Youth orchestra he will be joining at the younger level and it looks like all Asian minorities, high school levels have a larger mix. But yes the math, chess, and music activities we go to now are 90%+ Indian/Asian. I don’t even understand it because our district is majority white so I think lots of kids are coming from neighboring towns to take math and chess. I have never seen a classmate from school at any of these. That is part why I wonder if I should put him in something else to be with friends and peers.

This is because schools don't start strings until 4th grade where we are. When you get into higher levels, it's heavily Asian again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay. Don't make him ashamed for who he is.

I’m not but I wonder if I am doing his a disservice not encouraging at least one thing that is a little different? Literally every activity we go to it’s only other Indian and Chinese boys. Very few girls and very few kids of other races.

Your child’s soccer team is only Indian and Chinese boys? And all the kids I know who do youth orchestra are white and some are girls.

Actually that’s true soccer has some non-Asians, but it’s the only activity that does. Youth orchestra he will be joining at the younger level and it looks like all Asian minorities, high school levels have a larger mix. But yes the math, chess, and music activities we go to now are 90%+ Indian/Asian. I don’t even understand it because our district is majority white so I think lots of kids are coming from neighboring towns to take math and chess. I have never seen a classmate from school at any of these. That is part why I wonder if I should put him in something else to be with friends and peers.

This is because schools don't start strings until 4th grade where we are. When you get into higher levels, it's heavily Asian again.

My non-Asian stereotype kids are not in activities with friends or peers. One of them is seriously into dance and ice skating. Only a few kids from her school dance and even fewer ice skate. Of the one who ice skate, the girls aren’t close friends.

I wouldn’t worry too much about being in activities with school friends.

If you wanted diverse activities, dungeons and dragons is pretty diverse. Many kids who like activities similar to your kids like it. Some writing centers offer dungeons and dragons clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is diversify the people you associate with. I lived in a “luxury” building at one time with a large Asian population. It was a high tech area with a lot of Asian workers here for a couple of years or long time.

They never talked to anyone non-Asian and traveled in groups. They never acknowledged your existence. Some of them were candid in their not wanting their children to make friends with white Americans. The kids weren’t introduced to anything but Asian things.

That's horribly racist. I'm sorry, PP.

NP and I’m the white mom of a mixed kid and some Asian parents will go out of their way to avoid us. Others will decide we’re sufficiently Asian in our values when they’ve known us long enough at whatever activity they approve of and then we’re allowable friends, but then I end up on the receiving end of snarky criticisms of other kids.

Because DH is Asian, he isn’t fully accepted by the white dads we know from other “Asian unapproved” activities, so as a family we’re sort of on the outside of everything. It is not remotely surprising that we gravitate towards other mixed, 2nd generation families.

[Anonymous]

I have an Eastern European kid that’s into math, chess, piano and badminton. It’s not just Asian stereotypes!

[Anonymous]

My very white southern friends adopted two girls from China and both fit right into the stereotype with no trying from the parents!